disappointment

The conflict within comes outside, that's what makes us ugly. The fear within that is not shared transforms into conflict and we transform in....you guessed, ugly.
We all reached the ugliest point possible. We never paid attention to our wounds. When our wounds got discovered we ran away as we thought that this will make us weak, instead of grabbing that helping hand with both of our hands.
We want more, more of everything but what do we give in return ?
Consumption and relationships
Some work more just to afford and buy more. with what use? that insane expensive luxurious house, those insane expensive clothes so that people see and know that we reached the point. But why do we care so much what they think? More just to go to those expensive clubs and pick-up that shallow girl, or as a girl to look for that nice guy in the place where they are all shallow. It's all about how much and what you have. And I cannot stop asking myself when did the personality and soul of a person stop being so important.
We reached a point where we are no longer in touch with who we used to be, we no longer have values. We want that expensive car and we don't want to use the bus anymore. We want to fly and we don't want to use the train anymore. When did we stop seeing the beauty in the small things? When did we start thinking that people who don't afford what we can are to be avoided? Why?
We consume and the sad part is that we consume our souls and we don't even realize this.
We are all guests here but we forgot how to treat our host with respect. We no longer align our values to morality to nature we align our values to consumption and we simply don't care.
Earth signaled us and we must realize that it's only about our impact on nature it's about the fact that we lost our human condition, we became parasites. We pollute but we fill our morality cup by taking a plastic bottle to the dumpster after we drove for 4 hours a day with a car. We no longer take the time to talk or to help the less fortunate ones but we again fill our morality cup by waiting for the Christmas donation that somebody else stars at the office.
I hope that the world will change, that our characters will change but I don't think it will happen. I am looking around and every day I think that we are doomed to forget about love, about morality. We are doomed to be selfish. Doomed to change our host after our continues increasing standards to the point where we will be kicked out

Learn something from this period. Listen to your heart more. Take that walk, feed those birds, stop and listen to music.  Think about the person next to you. Let's be beautiful again, it's never too late.

Closing I think that this message from the virus is so strong. (Italian with subtitle in Romanian)
https://www.facebook.com/laura.evereden/videos/2658520291139568/

believe in people

In this life, we meet so many people.
It's not fair to split them in good and bad as it all depends on the moment when we meet them. What they are going thru at that moment and how we are interacting with their unhealed pain. Also, we cannot split them by looking at their souls as beautiful and ugly as again it all depends on the moment when we meet them. What they are going thru at that moment and how we are interacting with their gathered fears.

I changed so many groups of friends, people that I loved and I gave them every piece of me. I did some stupid shit in my life but they were my friends, my second family. I still care for them but from distance, I am still happy for the good things that are happening in their lives, I am still sad that some of them never passed over their thug condition. I realized with pain that our friendship wasn't good not only for me but for all of us. I was the bigger person and left.
All thru time called me cold and that I never valued my friends that's why it was easy for me to move away and forget them. People that have their childhood friends next to them or at least this is what they think. It wasn't easy for me as those people were my family but we weren't just going the same way in life, there were no more lessons to learn from each other, we couldn't understand each other any longer. I distanced myself from people that I cannot respect anymore and I cannot be condemned for that. Are you still friends with your school friends? but are they really your friends? do you help each other to grow? can you still advise each other when you're going thru a rough patch? I always said that I need around you people that you can share your joy sorrow with, people that you respect, people that help you stay on your path. I am lucky, I have my group of friends that I didn't even know 10 years ago and i would do anything for them, and they would do I think the same for me. We are good for each other at this point in time, who knows in the future. But you know why? because we can talk, we can be honest, we can tell each other that we are stupid but at the same time we understand that each one has to do its share of mistakes and that is our responsibility to be there all the way and at the end of the trip to catch them in case they fall or to clap for them if they succeed. This is friendship not memories since we were kids.

I loved a few times in my life and every time my trust was broken but I am not hating those persons, I don't think that they have ugly souls and that they are bad persons. Even after all these years I have only but respect for all of them. As I paid attention to them as a full personality with their past, their fears, and their monsters. I understood that when we met they were at a certain point in life when their demons were much stronger. I always said that you need to be there, invest and give your all, the worst thing that can happen is that you will suffer and trust me you will not die. Some are in it for the count of bodies, count of broken souls because they think that this is how they will heal themselves. Some people are just cowards and they are hurting people because of their fear to let them go because what if they are the ones and they will miss it. Some people are keeping their distance because they are scared because they cannot figure out if that person is the one or not so they become uncertain. Nothing in life is sure, trust me, I really know this shit. Be a good person, give your all and see what happens, only then you can at least say that you tried. Don't cheat and if you cheat tell the other don't keep them alongside for your own selfish fears. Always take responsibility for your actions. Give your all, be there, love with your every atom, the worst thing that can happen is that you will suffer.

I still believe in people, I still choose to see the good in them. And if they disappoint me I am sure they have their reasons. Harder is the burden of the one that realizes he lost a good friend or a love because of their fears then the burden of the one that offers everything. And if they don't realize, well it's even better because we all have the right in this life to be happy.
I believe that in this life you meet some friends at a certain point in life that you will have for a long time, possibly till the end because you share some weird profound things, honesty, and care.
I believe that in this life you meet only once your soulmate, your ride or die, partner and you have to do anything in your power to become better next to that person. Show that person how much you love her/him, cry in front of her/him, be you, be open. Try your best not to lose them and if you do don't despair somehow I am sure that life goes on. How do you recognize this person? you will know, you will just know.

Allow yourself to be surprised every day, good or bad, doesn't matter, allow it and appreciate the surprise. That's how you became who you are today, not by knowing in advance what's to come but by facing the unknown.

Drive

Drive ? Or motivation what keeps you going or whatever floats your boat.

The first thing that comes to my mind are the motivational speakers. Really now get a real job and what exactly did you do with your life that qualifies you to speak about life from the position of “the all mighty I know everything” ? They are the spiritual leaders of the 21^st century and if in the past we were laughing about the American society and their multitude of religious sects and their followers now the virus has spread. It was so hard to understand how those huge numbers of people are following some idiot and they are seeing in him God’s gift to them. Contributing with money and blindly following their words was for us pure idiocrasy. We grew up and most of the young people are declaring themselves as non-religious persons. They are not realizing that they are blindly listening and taking as “word of law” and word from a motivational speakers or more that they follow. Each one of this guys managed to outsmart the past and they have their own personal cult and it’s spreading. At the end of the day humans need to believe in something, listen to something in any form possible and no one is free from this. Not condemning, it’s the basic market principle: stupid is the one that buys not the one that sells.

Not to be misunderstood, you and I we may relate to certain things they say because that’s the way we think also or because in a specific moment those words or quotes are in line with our state of mind. Either motivational quotes or videos and so on they are all actually what we already think and somebody mentions them. The problem is that there are a lot of people that are blindly taking every word as being theirs. The idea is that you should be smart enough and see use this a means to go on not to transform in to your own religion and start fights about it.

I think that to some extent the same applies to society rules and principles, they are changing faster than us with every generation and we should at least try and adapt. You have common sense on one hand and on the other you have principles that were transmitted from generation to generation, those are not yours hence you don’t live the life that was 100 years ago.

 

Drive comes from within and it’s your strong belief but sometimes you need some helping hands and it’s ok to use those helping hands called motivational speakers and quotes. Try and take it from people that actually did something in this life, don’t trust any full of the street that has a social media page if he doesn’t check out.

I, for example, follow the podcasts from Micutzu Stand-Up Official as he his guests are persons that really made the difference in their field of activity and I relate with some of the experiences and also I find useful motivation for the “keep trying till you make it “attitude.

 

I have some quotes on the walls in my home and friends are making fun of me on this but those are quotes that I identify myself with. Somebody smarter than me at certain point verbalized or written those stuff that I am thinking for while so there is nothing wrong. Wrong is when I see people that are taking every word as their personal religion or from a phrase that makes sense they are extracting a piece of sh*t that benefits their situation.

 

Be a better person, try to become everyday a beautiful human being by creating your path. Don’t follow somebody else path, we are unique. Don’t justify your flaws with words from motivational speakers but realize them and try to fix them.

 

Vey thigh with this is of course going to a therapist but don’t go because it’s cool, go because you need to talk with someone that you don’t need to impress. Go with an open heart and you will discover on your own the solutions, if you will not be honest you will be worse. Make sure you have a click and you will be amazed. There are people that will make fun of you but they will make fun of anything else if they have the occasion so never mind them. I know people that went trying to impress the therapist and they said the same lies that they are saying outside and guess what? They started to believe their own lies and day by day they are more lonely and they don’t understand why. I know people that spoke half of the situations that were troubling them because they were ashamed and guess what? They took steps not in the direction where the issue is but in the direction of creating issues and hurting people with them. I know people who didn’t click with the first 2-3 therapists and their mind became a heavy blur. Also I know people that reluctant to this and I somehow agree that you must want it before going but why not give it a try, at least?

 

My drive? Sometimes is there , sometimes not. But always in the same direction. Disappointed? More than you can imagine. Gave up? Never, I just took some breaks just to clear my mind. Did I abuse social media with quotes ? of yeah because they were those small helping hands in rearranging the pieces in my mind and soul.

This applies to both personal and professional life as at least for me they are both important. I want and I know I will get somewhere but I don’t want to be alone there, I want to have a beautiful family and I will have it, I want to have my friends with me and I will have them because we understand each other when we are stupid and encourage each other to make mistakes that we need in order to grow.

 

To all the messed up puzzles in search of the hands to rearrange them, one from within and one from outside. Drive on you passionate mo-fo.