where the f are we going part 2

Yep, there is a part 2 and I am under the impression that there will be more as I never get the right mood and recollection of memories in order to wright about everything.

We all have a history and by history I say trauma. Some of us think that they are to cool for school and don't go to therapy while others indulge in bad therapy because they hear on and on what they want to hear and others who try to heal. Every person that we meet has an ex boyfriend, ex husband, ex girlfriend or ex wife (please appreciate the political correctness) and I am talking about the significant experiences that due to thier importance at a certain point in our life they live scars. The society is putting so much pressure on the healing idea that everybody started to say with so much confidence " I am 100 % healed", no you are not stop lying. My therapist said something really smart about this:" we all got damaged in relationships ( parents, friends, romantic), in relation is where we heal". We all have triggers that we are not aware of from past experiences and just wait for the moment and the button will be pushed at the least expected moment. Communicate, be open and maybe when the other pushes buttons you didn't know you have and you act out, just maybe you will find somebody who is willing to listen if you take your head out of your ass and admit that there is no such thing as 100% healed. Along the years I looked at me and at other persons and i saw something very interesting. I was still keeping a bunch of pictures of me and my ex wife on social media and i was stating that I am over her, on the other hand she instantly removed everything and carried on with her life. I am just asking out of the 2 of us who do you think was really over the other one? When i got asked by a girl about the pictures as clearly she was bothered by them i said that those pictures are part of my life and I must have them without thinking even a second about how she was feeling which clearly showed my level of involvement there as i was not over. Then i realized this and i admited I am not over and that will take them down when I will feel it. The moment came 6 months later but i still kept a lot of context pictures like it was hard for somebody to realize. Guess what? another girl appeared and she picked on the pictures but this time i had the perfect answer: this are context pictures are you crazy i have nothing to with that it's the past. She took a deep breath and she told me that is frustrating for her that now her friends started following me and also her mom and they see that i have "context" pictures with my ex but not even one "context" picture with her. I repeat my ex simply took everything down, including the "context" ones. I remained convinced me with me that it was normal for me to have those pictures and that she had problems in accepting me and the fact that I have a past. Later on i realised she was right as i was so focused on saying i was done when in fact I still had some stuff to understand, yeah clearly i didn't want to get back but I needed more conclusions before letting go of everything and in the process i couldn't care less about what everyone was saying. It is so hard for us to admit with ourselves where we are and be opened about it and hope that the other will understand and that will make them a suitable partner for a relationship in which we both work, instead we choose to say that there is nothing wrong with us and later on we put on a cheap show of past fears and frustrations. Where are we heading in this world in which we focus so much on ourselves that we forget that there are others around us. Others that have their personal history also and they act the same like us and we feed their fears. Just a bit of communication and honesty does magic.

Why the f are we leveraging at a must level the fact that you must be ok to you with you and to be alone and to do stuff alone as like this you heal. People the human is a social creature, in order for our minds and souls to get enriched we need other humans we cannot do it alone. Tonight I was at maybe one of the most amazing theater experiences ever alone, completely alone. And i myself i cannot lie and say that this was perfectly fine, no, it was completely wrong. I would have loved it and my experience would have been fantastic if i had a loved person by my side to share the experience and talk for hours about it afterwards. You will play the smart ass and say that for this you have friends. Stop looking at friends as a substitute for a romantic partner because they cannot offer you the same things. Let's say it honestly that we want we need a dear someone and things suck for the moment a bit either if you just broke up or if you are in the searching process. Stop saying that you are perfectly fine all by yourself as that not natural and it also creates wrong behavior patterns in your mind. Admit the situation and just from there you can start the path of being opened to getting back together or meeting someone new. If you don't realize the loss you never were aware of the presence.

I am falling asleep again but this means i'll come back with a third part because i want to right a few more things on how we see investment in our days and why we don't get to where we wish.

where the f are we we going

Yeah, I might sound angry but you have it wrong. I control the narrative, unless i reach intimacy with you and share my deepest fears and my deepest desires you don't know me.

Getting back to the subject which in fact are multiple subjects that relay to the same idea of where the f are we going.

A woman should be able to walk down the street without you bastards screaming after her. If you dare touching her than I am telling you that your hand should be cut. I highly doubt it you would like that being done to your mother or to your sister you sinister poor f***. Raise men not boys, raise them with respect towards a woman and her value. For the time being we still live in a world where men express like this, in a way that's not acceptable even for animals. Respect!

I've met several girls which were touched and yelled at since they were young and that created trauma and fears so visible and so hard to fix. Some of them positioned love in the aggressive area and for them a warm approach was fake. Can you just imagine somebody making your daughter feel that respect is not for her and willingly going towards guys that will treat her bad?

A men is allowed to cry, normalize that. I heard a lot of women saying they find the vulnerability of a men sexy but how many of you really appreciate that. How many of you really appreciate that and understand that he is like that with you but the rest of time they are still strong? Stop putting social pressure on boys since they are young that they must be strong as you are only making him close his emotions. Emotions don't make you weak.

I remember at a certain point I was crying over the loss of the person I love and her reaction was: "see, how can i trust you that you will be there for me in a though situation if this is your reaction?". If a man doesn't cry over loosing what he loves than is he a man? We need to raise future men to be honest with their feelings and attentive to a women's feelings we need to raise future women to be honest and attentive to a men's feelings. Reciprocity is called.

I have much more to say about what i think it's wrong on how men and women deal with relationships but it's already late.

Yeah i am angry about this one, we are all f*** in the head. I was reading a few days ago ( it shocked me and it's still with me ) that if a person is good and she/he offers help or a nice gesture without being asked for than they are selfish. Are you kidding me? How in the hell we reached a point in our society that we consider fundamental good persons that don't expect nothing in return as being selfish? Have you heard of human trauma and human condition that blocks all of us in multiple situations to ask for help. I am really thinking when you will have a kid and she/he will not be able to ask for help on certain situations if you would wish for them to have somebody there to lend a helping hand without any strings attached. Wake up people we don't need to find something bad in everything.

Let me tell you my definition of good. About 17 years ago i was working in Egypt and walking down the streets of Cairo i ended up getting lost in the cemetery neighborhood ( the cemetery it's an actual neighborhood where people were leaving in poor conditions next to the graves of their loved ones). A very poor barefoot men approached me and directly told me that i look lost and told me that they can help me find my way back. Unsolicited help was given to me and gush it felt good and at the end of our walk i offered to pay him as i felt in debt somehow and his answer was: " we are all human and we must try to help others when we see that they need it even if they don't ask for it". That is kindness, that is being a good person. To my shame i don't think I am there yet but I am working on it everyday to be like that for my loved ones and for even a stranger. This week really messed me up when while waiting to cross the street a young boy asked me for some help and when I offered him 50 Ron he told me that maybe i did a mistake and to think twice. I reassured him that it's ok and he stopped there with his eyes towards the sky and started crying. As I was walking away he started moving also and I realized that i can help him more and turned around and went after him. The moment he saw me he reached to his pocket, took out those 50 ron and told me that it's ok if i realized that i need them. F***, how? I gave him some extra money and i walked while i left him in tears looking towards the sky again. He is a good person. I stopped around the corner, sat down on the sidewalk and cried for half an hour because i didn't have the power to ask him his story and tell him a few good words.

We live in a world where the constant motto is self love but nobody says that self love without empathy is vanity. Just think about it for a while. 

So i am thinking now way past midnight, where the f are we going? What's wrong with us?

P.S. for sure i will come back with a second part because as sleepy as I am am the much i would write