new age therapy

 Yep, welcome to the new age, or in other words, let me share my take on today's world, love and trauma. Well, you guessed it, this is about relationships and love. Or maybe is about how i see therapy and the society. To be honest is more about therapy i think :).

What you will have patience to read bellow is a collection of notes from my phone and drafts written on my pc for the past 7 years when i discovered therapy, and all glued together with current ideas or experiences gathered in this period.

I reflected a bit trying to understand from where or better said when did i started being interested in psychology. Short mention, interested and curios to understand myself and in a continuous search of understanding the society around me. Going down the memory lane, one of my favorite high school disciplines was psychology and i even choose it as one of the probes for the baccalaureate exam. Afterwards i wanted to attend the Faculty of Sociology and Social Work but my passion for politics and desire to change the world drawn me stronger towards Political Sciences. Oh well, that didn't go out as expected but this is another story. I remember form the same period that at my parents recommendation i have read Crowd Psychology by Gustave Le Bon, and this was the first book ever that i have read related to psychology. I guess by now you would expect a journey in the psychology world and how my passion developed over time, naaaaah it didn't happened. Life went on, more or less normally. Looking back i realize that the period of 3 years in which i worked as a travel guide and I've met thousands of people with whom i talked and patiently listened to all their stories was actually feeding my curiosity, gather stories and find out as many as possible about people and the world i live in. I wasn't a prodigy, at that time i was just curios about the stories and some of the stories gathered i shared along the time in my writings.

Life continued and about 12 years ago our society started very very very slow to open it's eyes towards psychology and therapy and i remember thinking: wow, this is our occasion to get better individually and as a society. Don't get me wrong, i didn't attend therapy and i was really reluctant about the practice itself and here and there i was really vocal that I will never need something like this but for sure other people should go. Arrogance or to be honest stupid. Life took care of me and proved me otherwise. Along my life, although i never relied on intuition, she was there to slap me in certain situations and remind me that i should have listened to her as she wanted to protect me from suffering or better said in words that i know today, tried to protect me from building traumas that shaped my character for the worse or better, probably i'll never figure this one out.

... here were some notes about my childhood ... delete ... i am not ready to share these ones and most probably i will never be as they are way to intimate. Note here: somebody once told me that they admire me for my courage to write publicly about so many things and my answer was that i only share what i am comfortable with to be known and that i am the one who controls the narrative and also that this is my way of having a constant therapy me with me. In case you didn't know, writing down stuff is one of the best forms of therapy.

About 8 years ago after a significant emotional shock, i was lied, I've decided to go to therapy in order to try and understand why (stupid me, that's not what therapy is for) and as a second objective was to make peace with the situation, forgive and try to repair the relationship. I always had in my set of values that if i say that i understand somebody than i really should understand them to the best of my mental capabilities, if i say "i forgive you" to somebody i truly mean it and no matter how we continue that is something that i never bring to discussion as i already told you that i forgive you and bringing it back would mean to cross my own words. And you see i still say about myself that everything that i have in this life are my dreams, my heart and my word, if i love you i mean it, if i forgive you i really am, if I am your friend i really am, if we broke up we really broke up, if our friendship ended it really ended. I put values on my words and stupid me i put value on others words also. I would have been a very bad politician :). I am an overthinker and when i tell somebody that i love them i already thought about all the motives i wouldn't love them. If i end something (a relationship, a friendship) is because people evolve (or involve), people change, feelings fade, traumas take leadership, traumas are being healed, people deceive and i already thought about all the ways in which we could continue and i couldn't find even the smallest solution possible.

Rewind back, this first therapy encounter was really interesting as i discovered things about me and helped me better understand myself. I even regrated that i didn't try therapy earlier preventive and as a vehicle for my psychological and emotional development. Never to late, important is to start. It was so interesting as i went with an open heart, open mind and totally honest and it helped me a lot. Prior to this i was proposed to go to couples therapy under the reason that we have problems, true that, but we had an even greater problem. After i went on my own to therapy i understood the base principle that if you don't go totally honest it will f*** you up and only by being honest with yourself and your therapist you can truly discover yourself and make positive changes in your life.

Family or let's start with the beginning. Where you are born and the bunch of people that are trying best to their knowledge to raise you properly and in most of the cases they manage to seed in you a set of good values and also a set of mindsets that will fuck you up. They didn't do it intentionally but the harm is done, usually it requires a lot of work from your side to break those patterns, good luck by the way. Based on what you see there you will create your first patterns about love and friendships, sometimes might be good sometimes might be shit :). If you are lucky enough in your life you will face a lot of situations in which you will refine or change this perception or you will remain stupid till your last breath, depending on your luck. Attention, these patterns will bring close to you people that for a period will be good for you or bad but this will start the learning process, hopefully. Or like they say these days the healing process, which by the way in my opinion this is a continuous process that should happen for the entire extent of your life. I am talking about the most common things like fear of abandonment that will later make you clingy, or the feeling that you are not good enough and later on you will not trust yourself and people will understand it as you don't trust them and also you will see it the same for a while, your parents separating which will ruin your trust in attachment and relationships because well hell what is the point if people break up, why even try. Scared of love also is quite often, you will desire all your life a certain thing that missed in your home or disappeared from your home at a certain point, and when you will find it guess what? it doesn't look familiar therefore you will run. Most of the men will be raised on the principle that you are men, you don't cry, you are not weak and you must f*** everything that moves. Most women will be raised that men are pigs but also if they are sensitive they are not men enough, and they must find a provider for the family. I am not saying that there are not also good things that are being sent over but you see the fact about bad habits is that in the eyes of the person in front of you will be the most important. What I am trying to say is that you can do everything the best you can and is enough to do a small thing like not making the bed or arguing about how you position a flower and boom that will say everything about your personality and guess what? you suck. Why? because it pushes some buttons.

I must intervein here on the provider note. Please but please read about what this term stands for. A provider never ever in history stood as a term for financial purposes. A provider provides sense of protection, safety, nurture, respect, loyalty, stability reliability in building a life together. Read it will not hurt your mind!

After this note we add another more recent note because i think it fits and well the hell with it, and this late hour in the night while i drink a cup of tea and went through all this wrings it makes sense to me.

Buttons aka triggers. Although my desire was to understand certain people and the world around me i quickly understood that going to therapy is about me first of all. If i go to therapy is not abut gaining the capacity of a false god and look at others and throw diagnoses regarding their personalities like i am Ronald McDonald throwing burgers at fat kids. I can look at me i can assume identify a certain reaction that a person has towards me in the specific moment but i can not put a diagnostic hence i don't know their entire life second by second and everything that happened in their life that shaped their personality in a certain way and also i am not a specialist. It's so good that we have more and more people going to therapy. It's fantastic that we have access to so many books about psychology and personal development. It's wonderful that we have so many podcasts and events in which therapist are explaining this interesting science of the mind. It's bad that after a book or two and a few therapy session everybody thinks they know psychology. You might even say that this the modern way of judging or i dare say bulling people by telling them that they are in a way or another and that they have traumas. No shit Karen (viral reference). Learn and grow but for yourself, personal wellbeing and improved life quality not to have the capacity to judge others while you are not even taking a peek in your backyard.

Second thing that i hate is as it follows we have X who studies psychology for several years and then choses a specialization for another few years and so on. And then we have Z who does a f*** on-line couching course for a couple of months and boom they are a coach. People are not capable of making a difference between the two and Z is on the hunt for easy money and boom here you go having chaos with people sinking in their traumas instead of improving their life. You see there is knowledge, science, passion and time investment (also financial investment) for X in order to reach the point where he can help you dive in your mind and hold your hand while you navigate your traumas towards a better life. Z invests just money and a small amount of time. Choose wisely, respect the science, you wouldn't choose a heart surgeon who took  his license after a few months on-line. I am not even entering in the details of the practice i just look around and see this incapacity of people in choosing who helps them look deep inside, this incapacity of people in understanding that the mind is such a strong yet fragile organ that should be treated with the help of a true professional. I  know people who are so proud that they are going to a couch and and they they help them in their lives, OK, you get some help but BOOM let me tell you something that i read, understood and found out in this 8 years journey through trauma. A good therapist will guide you and help you navigate with proper questions that will make you bring up the important questions and give the important answers while a couch or a bad therapist will answer your questions most of the time and that's bad so bad, you should answer. Nobody holds the higher moral authority over your deepest fears and oldest traumas in order to give your their opinions. They should guide you in such a way that you make your own discoveries, good or bad but make them. By this point i will get so much hate if i ever publish this that I will refrain myself from sharing stories. Oh i almost forgot about the therapy enthusiasts, who are they? they are those friends with whom you used to talk and after they recently discovered therapy instead of having friendly compassionate conversation with you they jump directly at saying: " ah, you have some childhood trauma, i had the same, but now i am going at Y and i am over it let me give you their number" No stupid, i was in need of a friendly chat, advice not in you telling me what i have and don't have and where i should go, at least have the decency to listen me till the end if we are friends; but NO Miss/Mister I discovered therapy now knows the secret to a good life after just 2 sessions. Stop your enthusiasm and focus on the journey, wait and see the changes, if you are serious and lucky enough to make any.

Third thing or the first or somewhere there but for user the thing that annoys me the most are the people who went a few times to therapy and read a couple of books and out of the sudden they start telling you what is wrong with you. I think i am repeating myself but i must deep dive a bit here. And in order to do this i will use bullet points :) ( who the F can i put in this form the smiley face with the teeth):

- my ex was toxic, how were you if they were toxic? a relationship is composed of two people. The interaction between those two is based on action and reaction and lots of communications if they want to make it work. Stop running from your own responsibility and what you did to contribute to that situations by calling the other toxic

- they have trauma. no shit Sherlock who doesn't?

- i went to a retreat and i discovered myself and through mediation after 1 week i am completely healed. No no no after 1 week you have less money in your bank account, not healed. And newsflash if you burn some palo santo in your house it will not purify your brain and bring the great something in your life, it will just make some nice smelling smoke that most probably will help you relax. This is just like the people who hold the religious fasting but they curse and speak bad of other people, it should be held with your mind and soul first of all not with your belly  you fat f*** just admit that you are holding it because you want to get thinner not a better human being.

- they are gaslighting (manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality) oh well let speak the truth here. First of all the term comes from a movie with same title from 1944 about deception's of one's reality. Second, somebody might try in a heavy conversation (popular term: fight) to convince you that a certain situation happened differently but if you are so smart that you throw terms like this have you taken the time to think or question that maybe this is how that person perceived the situation? what do you say if before judging you try to understand and get clarity and really understand what the person in front of you is up to. This is what a mature communication does gives you clarity or you could be a kid and say that you are gaslighted. In my country we have a saying that a lie has short legs, meaning that if you are in a hurry to throw the accusation that you are being gaslighted then you are the one lying and you are afraid that a conversation will prove this, while if your interlocutor avoids conversation than they are the ones lying. Way simpler i would say and definitely more clear and realistic, KIDS.

- they are a narcissist. No shit ? we all are in a way or another. Do you have some specialty studies and based on a lot of hours of therapy with that person you discovered that they suffer from a narcissistic disorder? i think not. Mister check my gym routine and Miss check my boobs and ass on social media stop judging you are in the same shit bucket like everybody.

- they are avoidant/anxious it's being thrown around like it's a disease. We are all one or the other and if you take some time to read about it you will find out the the secure type slides in  side or the other based on the actions from the person in front of them as a form of reaction, just in case you were preparing your self to jump on the throne of self diagnosis and say that you a have a secure attachment style. This one is also used as an excuse for any other behavior that one might have in order to hide their real actions or intentions and i think that this is really bad but hen again this is something that a person should be honest with himself in front of the mirror and rush to therapy to discuss about it.

- are you healed? i swear that this is one of the most superficial questions ever that deserves the most stupid answer ever. Healing from what? Childhood trauma ? - it might take all your life and you'll still never be healed. A person that was abused ? - they might make peace with what happened but i guarantee you that if you repeat on them the same actions the trauma will come back to light. From being cheated on? - be shady and i guarantee that they will instantly relieve the trauma. Being lied to? - lie to them and they catch you with the lie and they will relieve the trauma Being beaten ? - hit them and i guarantee that they will relive the trauma instantly. And so on the list might continue. A human being with the help of a therapist might understand situations from their past and make peace with them but this doesn't mean that they're memories are getting erased and when they face a similar situation they are not getting triggered. That's why i am saying that the true and best solution is love and communication. Love heals and communication helps avoid similar situations.

It's so disappointing that instead of being kinder, instead of threating people with humanity (i don't even dare saying empathy) we are quick to judge without knowing their background deepest thoughts. We don't want to understand that words hurt and some kind words or a good conversation will always, but always, get better results. And by better result i am referring to healthier human connections.

... back to older notes ...

Friends, damn, this is difficult and awkward. Generally, people will stick to their childhood friends for life even if they don't think alike anymore and their lives are totally different and the only foundation for their friendship will be history. Proximity friends whit which you will be friends because you leave in the same area, or because you can go out with them to a coffee and discuss unimportant things. Friendships are becoming more and more superficial as most of all will tend towards volume instead of quality and we will ignore shitty attitudes, lack of respect, or their amusement about your misery, and in the end, we will say this is who they are and you must accept people as they are. F*** no, people can change or you can change the people around you. Friends should support each other, be there in the good times and the bad times, and tell us when we are stupid instead of just blindly accepting our reasons and saying yeah you are right or shutting up when the situation is over their experience and restrain themselves from giving shitty advice. Loyalty, does anybody knows anymore what this means? I heard so many times around me about the friend who fucked fucked their friend boyfriend or the other way around girlfriend. WTF? Don't you se the stupidity in that sentence to start? You are still referring to that person as being a friend. People are not giving respect anymore like it is such an expensive currency. Respect to be respected it's simple and if somebody doesn't respect you and your close ones and their place is not around you. If somebody doesn't support your dreams than their place is not around you and i can continue for so long on this. 

I heard so many times regarding TRUST that this must be earned and i always said that people get 100% trust from my side and is up to them if they deceive me or not. I view it simple, like an investment, I invest my trust in you and if you take care of it our connection will be one based on trust, respect and loyalty and in time time it will transform in to a fantastic connection that has feelings also ( friendly love or romantic love). Funny enough people are getting scared when they hear this like they are preparing from the first second they've met me to double cross me :))))) At the opposite side i never understood that i must earn your trust., what do you mean? if you are expecting from the first second we've met that i will double cross you and you stay in your guard, a state of stress, why do you continue to hang out with me ? See the irony? and again i find myself in the position in which i remember an old saying: " the thief will always be scared on another thief".

Relationships, now it gets interesting.... and this is where my notes ended. 

Shall i write something here? most probably. Do I have something to write here ? ohohohohoh a lot. But you see relationships, the romantic ones because this is what we are talking about, happen later on in life we already gathered an decent bag of trauma from life. What are they doing they are building the second luggage of trauma :))) funny right? Here you will find the worse of  any society and honestly at this point i really don't want to bitter my mind and soul by deep diving here. We all have a baggage out of which a part stays in our responsibility to unpack and arrange in the closet while the rest is to be unpacked in good relationships full of love, kindness and be arranged. If all your life you had men/women that threated you bad in the right relationship you will be threated correctly and with love and like this you will make peace with your past (heal) and your part of the baggage is to see that this is correct and although not familiar to understand that it's correct and you place to stay. Open up discuss, share your trauma and trust that the person will take care by applying the band aid on top and not salt and if they add salt than they are not the right person. Important note here, don't idealize your partner, if you are not vulnerable they will not be able read your mind and know all this stuff and therefore navigate through them with love and holding your hand. If you decide that your trust is to be earned and you weren't vulnerable than you cannot complain that your partner pored salt on your wounds. Also the other way around in which if your partner opens up, shares their traumas and they are being vulnerable, listen and act accordingly or if you are not interested leave the premises before throwing some extra stuff in their trauma luggage.

What i am trying to say in this part is be kind, communicate, pay attention to each others values and choose LOVE.

Generally with everything written above i am trying to say that I am a firm believer that in our evolution process and with all the access to information instead of becoming better persons we are becoming worse persons and we forgot to choose LOVE.

society & fear & other nonsense

This is more a collection of notes written here and there along time which i don't think they have any connection one with the other. Like the previous stuff i wrote had :) I was thinking about the title and this makes sense to me as all those notes are being completed here and there with faded ideas that had been wondering around my mind.

For a while now i wanted to spit out my thoughts on SM ( social media, just to be sure you are not thinking about naughty stuff ). Everybody has an opinion on it and how it is so good and how it is so bad but let me just say that like everything in this world it has it's good and bad sides and also some realities that we should first accept in order to make such vehement statements about SM. I co own a marketing agency so due to my job i was required and i am still required to really understand how they work in order to better present them and sell the services to our customers, this just as a side note that i am not talking from a point of no knowledge. 

"Sad people are posting a lot on SM" which i think it's in the same family with "People who need validation post a lot on SM". I never understood why we throw around mean assumptions about people's reasoning without even knowing them, just like everything in nowadays everybody is a world renowned psychologist that can pass mental health diagnostics around. If you bring in to the discussion publicly know people ( the influencers ) that actually live from this everybody takes a step back and says yes but that's something different but it seems to me that nobody takes in to account that everybody needs to start from somewhere. So they are not sad or in search of validation, they are just people who have opinions and are really good at creating content and they could really create a career in this. Personal note here is that this people don't know what marketing for a brand means or creating a personal brand, they are just good content creators. You have the type of people who want to brag about what they have so they use SM, you can simply unfollow them if you are not interested and also you could understand that if that person buys an expensive car and park it in front of the restaurant he/she is doing the same thing, if they buy an expensive watch/jewelry and they constantly shake their hand so that you see the bling bling they are doing the same thing, if they buy expensive designer clothing on which the brand is written with huge letters they are doing the same thing. So don't you think that these people just like to brag? You have the people who post pictures only when they are on holyday, are they sad, happy or they just want to show you some beautiful places or the want to brag where they are ? A girl posts bikini pictures, maybe she has an OF (only fans)/video chat/ escort so she is promoting her line of work or she is an exhibitionist. Do you still think she is sad or in search of validation? Maybe somebody is just posting and building their self trust like this because they never got it from anywhere. You have they gym fanatics who post only pictures only from the gym, maybe they are dreaming about becoming a fitness coach or they want to motivate others or maybe that's the only interesting part in their life. Maybe they post interesting stuff that they find on the internet and think their followers would enjoy also, just think about it that without these people you would never find out about anything else outside your bubble. What I am trying to say is that people use SM for different scopes and in my opinion it becomes a condition only in the moment when they are hunting likes and followers, otherwise they are just using SM as that is the main idea to create content find content and too share it otherwise if everybody would stop doing this you would no longer have SM. 

The dangers that is see are that people think they know people based on what they post when in fact they only see what they want to share. Nobody lives a fully happy and rich life like they share and you must be aware of that. Don't get influenced by what you see on SM and think that you should be in a way or another. Be inspired by what you see and if it fits you start working on it. Everybody shares their good moments because everybody is scared of showing their bad moments, because nobody wants to see sad stuff. That perfect looking girl/boy uses a tone of filters and edits and each one of us is just perfect in their own way and yes we can become better but because we want to not because we aim for a virtual ideal that is altered.

Just think what a great opportunity is SM to feed you interior artist ( we all have it ) music, painting, writing, photography and so on, just share it without looking for likes in time your tribe will find you. If you don't like what somebody is posting just unfollow them, it's so easy. If you like what somebody is posting follow, like and share. That's how SM works.

NONSENSE that i don't understand about SM:

1. creating fake accounts to stalk on somebody. You are a stalker and this a serious medical condition and you should go see a therapist

2. close friends. Why? you can have your account private and accept as followers only the people you want so why do you have there people who are close and people who you want too see what you are doing and people who you want too see only a part of what you are doing. Are you ok ? you have the power of controlling it in a more mature way. Highschool was such a long time ago.

3. mute. If you simply don't want to see what somebody is posting just use unfollow. And the person that get's unfollowed, GROW THE FUCK UP, it doesn't mean they have a problem with you, it just means that they don't like or they are not interested in what you post. It's like going to a museum you pass by a painting and the painter comes and slaps you because you didn't look at their painting, WTF ?!?

4. and the last one, which is the worst in my opinion. ARCHIVE. So you are hiding pictures/videos from your profile that you don't want other people to see anymore but from time to time you want to look at them. Most people have there most pictures with their exes, so from time to time you want to look at pictures of your exes. From where does this desire to live in the past comes? This reminds me of the time when i wrote about people who still keep pictures with their exes on SM under the reasoning that "they were an awesome person" If they are so awesome why aren't you together anymore ? If you feel the need from time to time to look at pictures of you and your ex together why don't you reach out to them and get back together? You could simply have the pictures on your PC or an external hard drive because OK they are memories but not at hand available in every moment among your favorite pics, when you think about them to have a look. It's simply not healthy. Or if you are still there soul or mind wise, shake your ego and reach out as you will never be able to build something new like this. Spoiler alert for all time travelers sometimes this pics still appear in search and if you waist your time in hiding pictures than make sure your remove your tags from pictures with your exes also ;).

One more note about SM, and you can call this a personal frustration, if you have friends or acquaintances that start a business or they are an artist at the start of the road support them with a view, like, follow, share as trust me this will not take money from your account. ;)

Enough about SM as the the longer i linger on the topic the more bad behaviors i see and usage of it that come from fear (not to say hate, which also comes from fear).

And like this we move to fear and i don't think i to much to write about it but it is a faded idea there deep in my mind. We all have been through experiences, childhood, teenage years, mature relationships. These all left a mark on our souls and behavior. So you see, i think that after each happening you have a small but hard choice to make, either you take the fearful approach and in order to protect yourself you will build walls and walls just to be sure that you will never get hurt again. I think you are missing one essential point here that destiny/life has it's own way and sooner or later with all your defenses you will repeat the same suffering or even bigger. And this is not about learning some weird lessons. Or you could walk in courage and better define what are you searching and only like this you might just might avoid the same suffering but funny enough a different one will come. I really think that in this life if you want happiness you must be willing to embrace suffering with courage. Running from suffering will only put you on a sure path towards it while being opened might help you avoid the same suffering and experience new ones but this ones i am so sure that they come with equally happiness. Just because someone acted in a certain way in our past and made us suffer we hide behind walls that we call boundaries screaming out loud that we learned our lesson. Don't you think that if you really learned your lesson you will know how to act in courage and not make any potential friend or emotional relationship go to a series of trials but the opposite you will make a better decision to start with and you will treat these new person with the clean slate that they disserve. This doesn't mean that you will not get hurt but it increases the chances not get hurt in the same manner or even worse to miss out on people that could be your people. You can call this FOMO but i call it giving a chance to good, good people, good happenings, good life.

Another note that found it's way here it's around something that happens so often, at least here in my country. He / she comes from a good family. 🤬🤬🤬 Or how to offend and seem like you are a high value person that surrounds itself with high values persons. But to better understand this let me share some realities:

- we are a virgin democracy

- in the 90's our society split between people who could steal, people who wanted to work, people who started building businesses. and people who started doing small trade

- well you see nobody got out of communism with money unless they were being an informer or already stealing and that's why we have a consistent class of people who started a business

Some were able to build sustainable business while others just made some money while others just struggled through those years. Years later in nowadays we have their kids which are referred to as coming from a good family just because their parents have money. If their parents were doctors, police or any other state function just try to imagine that for the first half of our democracy the main currency around here was bribe.

This bring me to my point how can we call today this former kids as coming from good families when there was no morals or care towards the social good ?

Around here society calls politicians as quality educated people while everyday you find out from media about their beginnings and how they faked their diplomas. Around here if you buy a Mercedes or BMW or Audi from the 2000's you are considered that you made it in life despite the ones who have any other car brand. Around here you are looked at as a successful person if you have an apartment but nobody looks/asks if that was bought with your own worked money or your parents money. Around here it's a habit to hire your kid or transfer him your business and afterwards they are called exceptional people although they were not able to land a job on their own or build something on their own. 

And i am not talking about everybody but about the majority and how the rest of the people look at them. It's sad that we evaluate people based on what they have from their parents and not on what they were able to build, it's sad that we evaluate people on what they have and not on their morals and how thy act in society. In SM we venerate people that gather in high end places on their parents money and we refer to them as being quality people who come from good families.

And sadly so sadly at the end of the day you have good hard working people evaluated and labeled not based on who they are as humans but based on what their parents were able to accomplish financially not morally. So let's all agree that coming from a good family means a family from where you've got a good education, morals and love not material stuff. In order not to be misunderstood we have a few just few who got education, love and material possessions from their parents and build morals on their own and they must be respected for this.

Unfortunately this time it seems i am not closing with a positive vibe but hey there are some positive notes along the way. 

P.S. this were small notes wrote in the last year while sitting alone enjoying a coffee and thinking about better days

oh really / dating part 3

Muahaha and I never thought I was going to have a part 3 to this (dating parts 1 and 2)...only bad words are coming to my mind so I am going to refrain myself and just before starting to write I renamed it to "oh really" as in mind it announces to be a huge salad of everything with a dressing of dating experiences.

Actually, it's a bit combined, a bit of everything from this madness that surrounds us. As usual opinions and stories are chaotically blended to try and feed that small hope within. About my hope? It's obvious from everything I write.

There is no secret that many of us are using dating apps. I discovered that the purpose we use it for is different. I looked at it as another way to meet new people and maybe meet my person. It seems that fellow man uses it to find f*** dates and it works and even transforms in relationships sometimes. Me stupid 🤣. On the other side, I talked about the topic before but I learned enough from stories and my own experience to write about how it continues.

Scenario 1: you match, you say hello and that's it

Scenario 2: you match, you say hello and after a couple of weeks she responds by saying that she doesn't use the app too much 

Scenario 3: you match, you say hello and after a few days she says she doesn't use the app and gives you the Instagram ID where she doesn't answer.

--- I remember that a few years ago a teacher from the University of Communication and Public Relations was advising the students to create a Tinder profile, match everybody, give them an Instagram ID, and in no time they will become influencers. And me, stupid, I am selling my customers social media strategies and telling them about valuable content🤣. ---

Scenario 4: you match, and you receive the price offer. BONUS: profiles that in one of the pictures already have the price displayed.

Scenario 5: you match, you talk for a couple of days and ask for Instagram ID to see more pictures and ask her out for a date but you get a NO. No, because you are in a hurry and before moving the conversation to Instagram you should get to know each other better. Wtf??? If you meet her in the club, coffee shop, street, or anywhere you talk for a couple of minutes and then exchange Instagram or phone numbers to go on a date and get to know each other. Call me stupid but I really don't get what's the catch here. 😵‍💫

Scenario 6: or what can be called normality, you match, you chat, you move the conversation to Instagram ID, and.... muahahaha it cannot be that simple but I will continue later on as it's mixing with other scenarios.

Or I am trying to make you read more of my faded ideas. 😬

This part might have had a dedicated part with a title inspired by Dr. Dre, b**** a** men, but actually, it's about boys who are men by age and think of themselves as being men because girls who think of themselves as being women call them men. If it sounds complicated read that again because I am asking what is a man without honor, without respect, without manners?

Recently I attended a party and while waiting in line for a drink I overheard the two guys behind me talking about some girls that they are small and stupid and for sure they will manage to get them drunk and f*** them. I remained in my mind with the question: why would you want to f*** a drunk girl, and how damaged can you be to try and get drunk a girl just to have sex with her. I walked around the party a bit and I saw them next to a girl I knew (too much said, we talked a few times) and although I don't do this I walked right to her to say hi hoping they would go away without creating any drama. I think it worked as they soon left. Later on, somehow, they ended up talking with some girls that were next to me and what caught my attention was the pick-up line "What's up, doll? ", in English doesn't sound that bad but in Romanian, it's really bad. They smiled and off it was the conversation with exchanging names and everything. Me stupid 😂 thinking that being polite is the way while if you are a jerk the doors are opening, sorry I meant to say legs. A while back a buddy was trying to show me pictures and hook me up with his ex, and then with his sister till the point I told him that I would never do that, exes of people I know are off limits, and family it's off like extremely off and I could never do that. Funny was that a girl in the group called me a sucker for this. Maybe she is right, me and my stupid principles and values, I should f*** everything that has a pulse but unfortunately my d*** stayed on the table in school and it's not dumb when it should have stayed beneath so that later in life I can say the local famous line " my d*** doesn't know school”.  

In this part of the world (not only in my country) people are full of envy and they have no clue what supporting others means. They limit their kindness only to the people they know but god forbid that those people somehow try to get ahead of them because then the envy really starts. A few years ago I went out to a club and an acquaintance, and after a few glasses and dancing he told me that girl was looking at me. She looked really nice and hence I am not that to be too full of fluff i continued to dance and have fun and from time to time looked her way trying to catch the moment when our eyes could meet. The moment happened later on that night, went to her, chatted a bit and after exchanging phone numbers it remained that we would see each other the next day over a coffee as she was with her friends and me the same. After having one more drink I called it a night as I was really tired. The next day my " friend" called me to tell me how the rest of the night went for him: 

Him: Brooooo, why did you leave, it was so much fun?

Me: I was tired bro and it was already 4 o'clock in the morning wtf

Him: Anyways, do you remember the chick you talked with?

Me: Yes

Him: What did you talk with her?

Me: Easy chat, we exchanged numbers and it remained that we would see each other later on today for a coffee.

Him: Yeah, anyway, after you left I saw that she was looking at me so I went to her, we talked, we had some shots then we kissed, she is really awesome dude.

Me stupid, as I thought she was not that type and thought that my "friend" would act the same as me. How? I would have told her that not long ago she talked with a friend of mine and I don't do that. But hey, me stupid. :))

When I tried starting my second business in event planning none of the people I called friends from that time attended any of the parties I was organizing or even a like on Facebook. People here (especially the ones over 28-29) really don't want to see anybody make it in life if it's not them. Years later when our paths crossed again one of them in his stupidity even confessed that they were gathering in the days I was having parties and they were making fun of me while every time I was hoping that they would come also. I continued and it worked just fine but on my work, ambition, and perseverance maybe I will write sometime with the hope that it will motivate somebody to follow their dreams.

Never let shitty people make you forget who you are and all the beautiful dreams that you are made of.

Back to Scenario 6 and how it plays on from that point.

Oh well just to be in line with the fact that the summer Olympics are taking place as I am writing, my conclusion is that our national team should have had at least 1.000.000 members.😬 Everybody here goes to the gym all the time. You have all the gyms full and all the parks almost empty during morning or evening time, most probably a memo about sport in the open air was sent out at a certain point but I didn't get a chance to read it. Actually, I think it's more about the fact that if you go to the park you are poor and if you go to the gym you are somebody. The part with the parks applies to dating also but I am coming back to it later on.

There are girls with which I talked and I tried several times asking them out after work and the reply was: " I cannot after work, I must go to the gym and if you want we can try somewhere around 9-10 PM or on the weekend". Me stupid as I didn't know that you can go dating only on the weekends. It must be said that these girls were all persons stating that they wanted to meet somebody and have a relationship.😂Oh well if you don't make time to meet somebody I think that's impossible. Don't get me wrong, I am totally pro for taking care of your health and body but this is a bit extreme if you ask me.

Then we have the Romanian Sleep Olympic Team, I know it's not a sports discipline but we would for sure win it. Question: Would you like to go to a movie, a coffee, or a theater play after work? Answer: ah after work I need to get home and take a nap as I am so tired from work, wouldn't you want to do this on the weekend? 

Recharging category that makes the connection to the next one. Question: Would you like to grab a brunch on Saturday morning? Answer: On Saturdays, I take time to rest and reconnect with myself as I am so tired from work, let's try Sunday and go on a date on Sunday but no later than 8 PM as I need to get ready for the next work week.

Career first and then the rest of life. I was talking back in February, quite a lot with a girl, and after several failed attempts to ask her out, she told me that she likes me a lot but for the moment she is very focused on her career and a certain project and she doesn't have any free time. Afterward, she asked me really nicely if we could schedule a date for the 8th of July as that's her first actual free day for the next months. Just to save you time on calculating, that's 4 months later. I answered politely that this was not the case for me and it was what it was. Guess who reached out to me on the 7th of July evening?

Patience the best is yet to be written and if I am being really honest with how this year is going I could say that the best is yet to happen.

We had Coldplay in Bucharest for 2 days in a row concerts. They invited on stage to sing along with them a local singer. This singer sings manele. The fun begins. This boy is no1 in trending and this was the criteria based on which he was chosen for the joint performance. Most of the Romanians after a couple of glasses start moving their hips on this music manele but nobody admits it. The hypocrisy. On the first day when the kid started singing the entire stadium started booing, just imagine the amount of stupidity. If you can't imagine just think about 60.000 people being idiots at the same time. Immediately that night and the second morning everybody started commenting that this was not appropriate, that the people didn't pay for this shit, and so on, even the people who didn't attend the concert. In front of me, there was a couple with him the classical local corporate employee who earns more than he deserves, and just because he earns a lot he thinks he is smart also, and her average woman who accepts anything from the stupid because he is a provider.  They were not the only ones, you know the type, we are not happy, we are not enjoying this but it's a must to be here; I was surrounded by a few exceptions. Anyway, he was visibly drunk already and when the manele moment started he started booing and cursing making his wife visibly embarrassed. At a certain point, she asked him nicely to stop and he just yelled at her "Are you stupid? You made me pay for this shit" and she just let her head down. They left together holding hands because we have a saying in Romania " he is stupid but he is my stupid". On the second day, nobody booed because maybe they were the civilized 60.000, or maybe they were embarrassed by all the shit that happened the night before and they were afraid to be called racists.

A few years ago nobody was admitting that they were listening to this style of music called manele but almost everybody was doing it. For a few years now a lot of people have been looking at the "Love Island" Romania edition but people are ashamed of this and that's how we move to the next topic. 😬

So the idea is simple, most of the female temptations are doing OF and they entitle themselves as content creators or entrepreneurs, while most of the male temptations are fitness instructors and they call themselves entrepreneurs. These temptations are trying to tempt so-called couples into cheating just to prove to them that they are in the wrong relationship. This is damn funny and damn sad at the same time as it describes so well our society. Content creators, fitness, sleep, and so-called psychology experts. Funny note, a part of the couples have the same jobs as the temptations.😂 This season we have a couple formed out of a working man and a woman who doesn't work. Awesome, right? She calls herself the investment and every time her partner makes a mistake she makes a drama but then she says she is sorry as she is so aware that actually he bought her at the cheap partner's fair. And like this, we come back to the main topic.😬

A while back a girl matched with a man on Bumble (I am giving app suggestions also 😂) they talked and talked and they dated and the date went good and afterward they talked again and when he wanted to date again she said that she actually dated him because she wanted a job at his company. And there you have stupid people with LinkedIn profiles instead of going to dating apps, you get a free dinner, a job, way better.😬

As usual, I want to close on a positive note and I really use this to feed my hope. Since the beginning of the year after witnessing some shitty situations, I said that if I want to find a good loyal woman that wants me for who I am as a human being I need to start being a jerk. I listened in this month some more stories about exes from different women and experienced some moments that only strengthened this belief. So if somebody would be able to rewire my manners, brain, values, and heart that way I would be up for it by this point, I think.😬 It's sad to meet girls for which you open the door and say that this is weird for them as it hasn't happened before for them or to tell you that for sure this is a method of conquering them and that I do this only on the first date and when I do it on the third also they are amazed that I continue to do this. Sad really sad. I read a while back a quote that said something like, that every girl falls in love with one or more jackasses in a row that don't behave well and cheat and so on and this becomes their normality. I think this applies to both sexes and the most f***ed up part is when they finally meet somebody who acts right and wants them for who they are and that is so unknown for them that they reject it or they become the jackass.

Not so positive right? Oh well, that's life. A few days ago I caught on video a moment in which a couple and their kid were enjoying a rainy summer evening with the kid jumping in all puddles and laughing so loud that I could hear him from my car. I posted this on Instagram stories as it was filmed through the raindrops on my window and I was violating anybody's intimacy, with the following lines: " You dream of self-discovery, a career, a big house, an expensive car, traveling the world, investments, early retirement and... / I dream of this / a happy kid within a happy family. / We are not the same." I didn't expect this to get too many likes and it didn't. Also, I didn't expect to receive so many comments defending all the material wishes while overlooking the soul wish and this was disappointing, this tells us (or at least me) what is more important for people in our days. It took me a while to pick back up my dreams but after a day I remembered an old saying "Every forest has its thickets" and right away (as a genuine overthinker) I said to myself that this forest seemed to be a huge dry area and the next thing in mind was a picture with a flower growing out of concrete in a middle of a city. If you have a good heart and you walk daily on concrete I promise you that one day you will find your flower. I am sure.

dating part 2

So this was a long time coming :) at least for me as I had so much stuff gathered that were just waiting to be written down. I am not necessarily happy with the tile but somehow there is a connection. If till now I was just taking some time and I was starting to write, this time is different as I gathered all the small posts I had written on my phone or longer ones that I have written on the remarkable. Chaos and most probably impossible to understand but the short stories delight or jump on your nerves. I have started quite a few times writing the second part and every time with a different tone idea. Why didn't I ever finish (joke: good guys always finish last) well I met someone then I fell in love with somebody else and then I met somebody else and I was focusing my thoughts and presence there and on the other projects I have going on. But hey, that's life so now, being single it's the moment to gather all those bits and pieces under one roof and complete it with what I remember.

Fun fact: the first part "dating" got almost 1000 views and a lot of messages on Facebook and Instagram. Some love, some hate, and again some love, and some frustrations. For a dude that writes for him mainly and for whomever wants to read, without having a target audience this is really nice, especially that I am writing here which is so old, right? 

If you don't like it just close the window, if you read it and pissed you off, gooooood, that's something to think about or at least that's what I am doing in my everyday journey in trying to become a better person.

Of course, my previous post was from the male perspective, genius yeah you, as I am a man although I am pretty sure I have tried to put myself in the other shoes. Now I will take advantage of the fantastic resource called my friends as I have a few women friends with whom along the time I discussed dating and also I was raised by 2 strong fantastic women.

Also, I might repeat myself but as I always said I am not reading what I am writing, I am not an elephant soooooooo I don't remember everything line by line, and if I am not sure I will write it again :).

I heard a huge number of stories from women that the guys they dated were not so exciting as in the online chat, that the date went awful and then they were really shady close to psychopaths and they started showing up in front of their house once they were told that they will not date again. In my honest opinion, these guys should be isolated and have their balls tased but it happens. And I have just a simple question, why the f*** do you ask (in most cases) or accept to be picked up from home (your personal space) by a total stranger? ladies ladies at least wait to have a date and see how he behaves and afterward, if it's the case he could take you home. Yes it's not normal but it happens; it's just like with the money you keep them in the bank because it's not safe to keep them under your mattress.

The selection process to date it's awful for both women and men so the logical conclusion is that both sides suck big time but I don't think so and I will try to express my point in the following mini stories. Also, I am a firm believer that assholes will find their way to assholes (I don't know the female equivalent), cheaters will find cheaters, and good people will find good people. The whole idea is to open and refine your selection process. It's not a solution to be stupid and after you had a couple of bad experiences to decide to stay alone and label everybody as being the same as you are sabotaging yourself big time. It's not a solution to become a shitty person just because somebody else was shitty to you and so on, you get the idea. Today's add to this, the chances that the above happens are getting thinner and thinner if you ask me but hey that's why at the bottom of the box the only one remaining was HOPE.

Lately, on social media, there is a trend in which females film a bouquet of flowers and then say what a man sees - her smile when she gets them and then they film themselves who they take care of those flowers and smell them every day and rearrange them - what a man doesn't see. Very nice. Like I said in the previous post I dated a lot ( not because I am picky but because I know what I want, but this is another topic) and I cannot even tell you how many women just forgot the flower on the table and they were amazed why we don't date the second time. And then you have the multitude of women that have at least 1 picture with them and a giant bouquet of roses. Ladies (I better say girls) only a man that wants fo just f*** you will enter that competition and bring you a bigger bouquet. Yes men are genetically built and they are motivated by competition but not when it comes to a woman he looks at as a good woman that he wants to introduce to his mother, in this situation a man will either ignore this if you have many other qualities that he saw in you or he will just move away in his search of a good woman. I said it so many times, men, are simple creatures; we compete when it's just about the body count otherwise we provide trust and we don't want to live with the idea that maybe somebody else is better, we want to be better for you, we want to conquer you every day just because we love you not out of fear. 

And here opens the door to this principle that seems lost in our days: value the effort that is being done for you not because they might lose you, there's a big difference. There is a old saying that when they feel a relationship goes to shit the man proposes while the woman has a baby. STUPID !!! value what it's honestly done for you from the heart not what's done out of fear. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

A girl was telling the story of how she met a guy online and he seemed very nice and all so they dated. everything was exceptionally good (as she said), " he took me to an expensive restaurant on the first date, brought a huge bouquet of flowers, awesome. They dated for a week and everything was really really nice. One week later from the first date, she invited him to her place. Honestly, if you're not both under 20-something i don't see why would you do that, ladies leave aside the masculine energy a bit. He said yes, and they went home and had an awesome round of sex after which he jumped out of bed spotted herm called her a f****** prostitute and he left. I will not even judge here as no matter the context it's not ok to do something like that so honestly he should be hunted down the street by several women with crossbows who shoot arrows up his ass at every step. Piece of s***. 

I dated once, I repeat once, a girl who was working in the video chat industry. Why? curiosity and to be honest the conversation went really nice online. Basic questions bla bla, we got to what each one of us wants from life and from a partner. Stupid me started saying stuff like loyalty, respect, support, love, family values. Then her turn came, and no word about values, principles, or other meaningless stuff like this, I am ironic, she directly said that she was looking for a man who earns more than her and would spoil her. End. I was shocked so I asked, ok ok but some human characteristics not only the material ones? Ah yes normally he should be tall (checked) and good-looking (I don't know what to say but i think she had some problems with her eyes and too much screen time). It was clear that the data was ending there but naive as I am (or too opinionated) I had to say my peace: if I take 2 extra jobs and still I will not be able to earn in a year how much you earn in 3 months and honestly, that amount of wealth it's held by less than 1% of earth population so good luck with that. Her answer was, well I don't plan on having a relationship or marrying a brokee :)) Needless to say she was somewhere around 35 and she was so sure that she will get married and have babies one day. Good Luck.

And now let me guess all the moral people will jump to conclusions and say well hey what did you expect? honestly, I was raised to treat everybody no matter the occupation with respect and I am a firm believer that each one of us makes better or worse decisions in our life based on the context we find ourselves, so if you don't know the story don't judge till proven otherwise.

On the topic, there is a young girl influencer from a neighboring country who besides serving as a really bad model lately started being spotted in Dubai in the company of rich old people and she is bragging about the presents she gets. Sad? yes Is her mother the one filming all of her online content? yes Does she have more than 4 million followers? yes, but then again like the feminists say her body - her choice. I will not even draw any conclusions here besides, please raise your daughters better. On this feminist line, I must say that I find it so sad that so many impressive women (real ladies) fought in history so that women get rights and equal opportunities and unfortunately more and more of their followers choose prostitution as a career.

Talking with many of my female friends over time, after they passed the deep criteria based on which they select the man (he shouldn't be rich but he should have enough for a restaurant - no park dates, he shouldn't live with his parents - it seems this is a common thing :(, he should be tall, he should have a car and so on) they reached a very sad and concerning thing saying that men no longer open the restaurant/car door, men no longer bring flowers, men no longer make compliments, men no longer hold chairs. Again, stupid me, asked but why do you date them, enter in relationships with them if they don't do these things that you clearly crave? "Oh, well, it's not like you cannot live without these things". SAD. Although I might sound misogynistic ladies this is your fault, if you would stick by your values, principles, and human needs not material stuff you would educate men and they will be better for you or the next one, but better. This means feminism ;).

My father didn't have a car when he met my mother and most probably your dad didn't have one also when he met your mother and that's why their marriages hold and your relationships don't. This applies for both sexes on different parts as this is not only about cars. My father didn't have his home when he met my mother and most probably your dad didn't have one also when he met your mother. And I could continue a lot here but the moral of the story is that people were looking at people not at what they have. 

In my country, we have a lot of jokes about BMW owners (that target MERCEDES and AUDI owners also) as out of the desire to look rich they buy very old and cheap cars that break down a lot but they look rich. Society makes jokes but still values and looks at them as people with financial potency. I remember many years ago I went on a trip to the western part of the country and I met a boy who worked abroad in agriculture in order to gather money to renovate his 1 room house and he was planning to go again the next season in order to buy a cheap BMW (3-4 thousand). Nothing bad except the final reason, I must buy this type of car otherwise none of the girls in the village look at me and they consider me poor, this is what we all do here. And i was just wondering why girls who didn't have anything also wanted boys who had things that their fathers accomplished in their 50's? Later on in life, I understood. From here I split it into one story and one social conclusion.

I live in a weird space, a Latin country surrounded by Slavic countries, with an interesting mix in our culture between Western European appetite and culture, oriental influences, and Slavic behavior. We are so mixed and this makes us somehow complicated but simple at the same time and you might wonder what's the connection?

I understood that basically in our society women want respect, to work, and to have opportunities just like in Western Europe till it comes to that equality that they have there, and here comes the catch because here they want equality but the men to earn more. Some want it like this while others pick up slackers and give them money for cigars and gambling. And other on purpose search for men with lower income and lower career opportunities so that they feel in charge and control them. And here comes the strong Slavic influence in which they don't work and just want a provider and spend their 20's in this search some are lucky but most of them end up with a shitty job and one holiday per year on the terrace of Dubai Mall in the search of that provider. The mix with oriental here is that the parents tell them to choose the one that pays for their rent or something else and they look for him to look good also. As time passes parents insist on getting married and finding someone for you, if he has doesn't matter the character or the looks, he must take care of you. And this comes from the fact hat they lived in very poor times and you might say that they want what's best for their kids but they are wrong because they forget what built their marriage. PARTNERSHIP based on common values with a lot of struggle but also a lot of happiness.

And so a lot of the boys and girls get married they have a kid and they divorce as the foundation was never there.

So you see, our society is rotten deep down.

Parents that came from nothing provide for their kids and teach them that normality is to have. They buy homes and cars for their kids because they didn't have but in the process, they teach them that this is normal to have. Where is the work, where is the personal accomplishment when everything is being given to one on a plate? The result is no responsibility and no respect towards the ones that make it on their own. In our country, we have a saying that the parents' home is never to be sold but guess what all these kids will do once you're gone.

A while back I matched with a woman on a dating app who had in her bio that she appreciates a good gentleman and I was curious. I know one of these days my curiosity will kill me. After exchanging a few lines with her I asked what means a gentleman for her? Her answer: " A man that can provide and fulfill all his women's needs" :)) I tried searching for the code of good manners and sent her the link but no luck :( so I continued the conversation trying to find out if she was looking for anything else in a man like respecting her, not cheating on her, and so on but no luck she picked on my question calling me a cheap person. I felt offended therefore I replied by saying ok I can provide but this means that if we get together I can do whatever I want to which she replied no and finally started enumerating those important core values. After this, I asked why didn't she tell me this in the beginning when I asked as these are more important values. She replied that these are in second place as importance. I dared try to reach a moral lesson by telling her that unfortunately, we are both on the same dating app alone and clearly she should change her criteria if she is alone. " No worries honey I have a lot of admirers" why don't you date any of them? "Because they are not true gentlemen. UNMATCH before I could say anything else so no luck in trying to change a mindset.

A while back i dated a girl, she was dreaming about a family kids, and everything nice. Although she was almost 38 she was very proud that she never used the kitchen in her home and that her mother was cooking still bringing her food every other day. Her expectation was that when she will find that man they will hire somebody to cook for them and the kids. Her parents bought her the house and the first car that she sold and with the money she gathered, bought an AUDI. While she was spending all her money on travel and clubs. It's easy to spend all your money on trips and say that travel is your passion ( very popular in my country) when you have zero responsibilities. We have 2 very popular influencers who made a similar popular joke that they cannot date a man with SKODA OCTAVIA (very specific I know) as that is not a man or he is a sad man. Guess what car do I have? :))

Coming back to the story, now that you have the context. We went on the first date and when we left I offered myself to drive her home, and she accepted. While talking in the car after I told her that I had my driving license for only 2 years she replied the following: "Oh, that explains the car then, after you get more experience you will want a quality and more comfortable car." :)) 2 days later we dated again (I know I am a masochist but by this point, I was already curious) but that day I was at the car wash and they moved the chairs. When she got in she started searching for the lever to push her chair back, after a couple of minutes in which I enjoyed the show I told her that she has electric controls on the side. Her reply: "Ah, haha, at my car even the driver seat has a manual lever". There was no 3rd date.

The moral of the story is that here we value more appearance and how people look at us instead of how we are feeling. It's important what somebody has not who somebody is.

I was looking a while back at 3 couples of friends who were going through a divorce at the same time. All 3 marriages with verbal and physical abuse over the years but guess what, the woman never left, and in all 3 cases, the boy (sorry but I cannot call a man a person who measures his power with a woman) was the one who decided on the split and asked for the divorce. I must admit that this left me wondering for a while what is the point in being polite and being a good person if the secret is this? Especially when in our fucked up society you hear women saying stuff like " She was asking for it" or "Some women really deserve it" and mothers giving advice like "The man will cheat, maybe hit you sometimes but if he comes home and takes care of the family you must stay there". People. people, WTF is wrong with you this is not OK. I cannot stress enough the importance of education as this is visible now and these people have kids of their own who in 10 -15 years they will date with even fucked up values (sorry non-values).

Don't get me wrong I've met meet women with morals also but unfortunately in our society, they pale and they are not valued, and most of the time they settle for shit and end up changing for the worse.

For almost 3 years on every date, I have a question that I always ask on the first date: When did your last relation end? ( please pay attention as I am saying relation not stating which type). I was told that women ask this also in order to find out and judge if the respective man is emotionally available as they are referring to a romantic relationship. 

Short story: a friend of mine started dating this woman and when he asked the above she said that she divorced almost 2 years ago. when the ex-husband started making midnight calls and so on he asked what was wrong with the dude that after 2 years he was making this shit. Her answer was: actually I divorced 6 months ago and actually and we just separated not divorced yet.

A short statement from the feminine side: always in my life I have found my next relationship while I was in the current one but it was ending anyway.

Back to me and my question as most of the time I received answers like 2 years, 6 months, 3 years, 10 months, and so on. Till I started asking extra: so you tell me that you haven't had sex since 2 or 3 years ago or 6 months and so on depending on the case. Every time the answer to this second question was: Oh no no, I had several other relationships but not romantic ones or I have a fuck buddy, and bla bla. I thought you were asking about my last romantic relationship. :))) No, I asked about a relation any relation as I want to know how many people are we going to be at least in the beginning.:))) some were honest and the answers received were like this:

- aaaaaaaaa i met with my fuck buddy this morning

- aaaaaaaaa i was dating somebody for the past 1 month till last evening

- aaaaaaaa i had a fuck buddy till 1 month ago

- aaaaaaaa i had a one-night stand 2 nights ago

- aaaaaaaa i ended the last relationship 1 year ago but it was a long relationship and we still seen each other till last month

- aaaaaaaaa i ended the last relationship 6 months ago but he is a great person and we are really good friends now

Why do I want to know this? Oh well:

- if the other dude fell in love he will try to get back with you

- the other dude will send flowers, you will think they are from me and you will call me to thank me, awkward moment

- the other dude will call your phone while we are making love, awkward moment

- I am at your place and the other dude comes by with flowers and cookies trying to get you back and I am there, awkward moment

- and my favorite all time is that these dudes really have a lot of time on their hands and they start stalking my social media every f**** time and this is how I know that it's fresh stuff

They are not to blame from my perspective and you have my trust 100% from the start and if I catch feelings I will suffer and if it was a long relationship over there after you have some fun with me for a while you will go back to him and I will suffer again.

The shitty thing is that people don't admit relationships and they invented all other terms like situanioship, fuckfriends, just friends, and so on when honesty saves everybody's time and means kindness towards other persons hearts. I, myself if we kissed I am there 100% if we have sex we are clearly in a relationship and I want to build with you as I said from the start that I date to marry not for fun. You cannot pass through life either a woman or a man erasing people from your history that's called lying and lies have short legs, always.

So you see we have a severe lack of morality or a pandemic of selfishness. Sex has become so meaningless and people forget that sex can be beautiful and an experience once the connection is created and is being built. No, we have sex once or a few times and that's it because we see something that for sure we don't like. How do fuck did we reach the point in which we feel more comfortable to suck each other intimate parts but we don't feel comfortable talking. Everybody is afraid of communication but they are not afraid of STD's, imagine that.

Communication builds relationships, and honesty makes relationships strong. Short or long they are all relationships because if you walk down the street and you bump into your parents by accident you will not introduce the person next to you as your situation, or your fuck buddy but as your girlfriend/boyfriend. For the ones searching for the loophole, no, you cannot say a friend because you don't fuck with friends.

A few weeks ago I went to a club in the expensive area of my hometown where you can find girls that barely afford the Uber searching for men with money who are being hunted by the leasing companies to take their cars back for non-payment. But this is not about this now because I think I can write a lot about this area and the people who want to act rich with an empty belly. Although it was a super nice evening the only thing that was stamped on my memory was a young girl, maybe in her early 20's. with an old man, maybe in his 50's. By looking at her you could tell that she wasn't enjoying herself too much. Then a second old man came and they were both touching her all over her body. She was smiling at them and touching the back till a certain point when she turned her face towards the stage and she had the emptiest and saddest look I had ever seen in my life. For what you poor girl? for what? no amount of money will ever fill the void in your heart.

I was thinking of apologizing but if somebody feels offended, good, maybe you will realize something and make a change in your life or in the education you offer your kids. If not you can unfollow, or unfriend me as I know that truth hurts every f**** time but also once is settles it changes mindsets.

soul food

Realized a couple of days ago just before my birthday that I wrote more about things, situations, and behaviors that are somehow worrying and might come as sad. Every time I am keeping the hope alive but still. And this is from what I remember as this happens when you never read what you write. You might have misspellings or you might offend or come by as too honest. I still believe that the truth offends but is necessary and all my life this is what I asked from people although like the saying goes: you cannot ask expensive things from cheap people. Oh damn, here I go again. Sometimes I think that this works as a form of therapy and you need an outlet when you are constantly trying to protect other's feelings instead of giving them the hard truth, and working on it. Other times I really don't care I write down the things I see, the things I hear, the things I live and I am just expressing my opinions. But there are people who read what I write down and even write back to me, some identify themselves and are happy that finally, somebody said it, while others feel offended, and if you identify and feel offended then it means you're doing that shitty thing, and so on. 

Double damn, I started with the idea to write about beautiful things that happened around me or I heard or I lived and to feed that hope that keeps us going. So I need to get back to it although I have on the bad side a lot, but maybe next time.

Short stories that I call food for the soul or hope enhancers. Of course with my conclusion after each as everybody is crazy these days about lessons that life gives them, old scholars who don't take responsibility for their actions.

I started writing with the intention of writing about the last few weeks of my life and the situations I experienced plus the not-so for my soul birthday. Realized I would be harsh again and after seeing a marriage proposal (one of the short stories to follow) I decided to write short stories for the soul. Although some of them might not have an end, this is because I don't know it or the end is not so happy so I will not share it as life is full of surprises and they might just turn out to be happy after all.

The first story that came to my mind dates back almost 18 years. At that time I was working as a tourist guide in Turkey-Marmaris. One day, as usual, I picked up a bus full of people from the airport but among the 50 people, I spotted a couple over 60 years old. what caught my attention was the way they were holding their hands, how softly they were talking to each other, and the way they were looking at each other. He was so calm and thoughtful with her, the real definition of a gentleman not what people think it is today. She was the true definition of a lady from the way she was walking to every small gesture. I was talking on the mic about Turkey, about the city of Marmaris but somehow I couldn't get my eyes off them and I couldn't wait to drop off everybody at their hotels in order to start my tour and to reach their hotel. I arranged it so that I left them the last ones to visit and talk about the excursions and around 9 PM I reached them. We talked over a bottle of wine till late in the night. They were on their honeymoon, and I thought it was something like an anniversary and they were joking but then they started telling me their story. They met right after high school and they were together for a month and something they both fell in love, unfortunately, her family and her friends were raining on her parade as he was working in a factory while she was in university so therefore he was not suitable financially. She listened to everybody around her but not to her soul and decided to break up and they never saw each other again. They both carried on with their life, got married, had kids and now they were already grandparents and everything settled and ok in their life. 40 years later they met accidentally in the market while they were doing groceries, I was shocked to think that it was possible to recognize somebody after 40 years but they were living proof. They talked for more than an hour, they exchanged their phone numbers and they parted ways, each one heading back home to their families. 2 days later he texted her asking if they could meet again, in the market, without thinking twice she accepted and after this, let's call it a date, they both decided that they acted against their own hearts all their life and that now is the moment to fix this and get together. Each of them went home talked with their partners and kids, and told them they wanted to divorce as fast as possible. Here they told me the full story and all the comments they received from their partners and from their kids and the lack of support. It stuck with me her comment towards her daughter and her son and it was something like this if I recall it well: " I had a wonderful life with your father and he gave me the most beautiful presents somebody could receive but i never listened to my heart". 31 days later they were getting married ( when you divorce you need to wait 30 days) and this was their honeymoon.

Love always wins in the end, too bad that it wins in the end and we live our lives thinking we have forever and making decisions on any other criteria than the voice of our heart. Although I have a handicapped heart I still believe that the heart is the strongest part of us and what makes us beautiful.

Last weekend I went to the mountains as I needed some fresh air and to relax. Truth be told I was like, I deserve a present from me to me. Although I was recently told that I value too much my own birthday. On Friday evening I drove to belvedere point and i was simply amazed by the colors of the sky and starstruck by the amount of stars that were in the sky. I tried spotting at least one falling star to make a wish but no luck in finding luck 🤣. The next morning I found out that all those colors in the sky were actually the aurora that due to a cosmic event was visible from Romania. During the day I took the cable car to the top of the mountain where to my surprise there was a gentleman singing at the cello. Just close your eyes and imagine that you are on top of a mountain and somebody is singing at a cello. The cherry on top of the cake when he started singing Frank Sinatra's My Way, AMAZING. I decided to stay a while when right in front of my eyes love unraveled. A boy, with the help of his friends, proposed to his girlfriend. The most wonderful gesture between 2 souls can be done in a simple way also and guess what? It's even more wonderful. At least if you value the meaning not the rock or the place but the person you have in front of you.

Beauty can be found everywhere when you least expect it. Music, the right music will always set your soul on fire. Love is simple, love is beautiful, and there is no place for a price tag on love.

The parallel magic or how God decides to make 2 souls see each other. They say that you cannot find good people in a club but the 2 persons in the story somehow did it. She went to the club without any plans besides dancing and having a drink. He went to the club without any plans besides dancing and having a drink. But their sights crossed, and crossed again and again. She noticed him and he noticed her but none of them made any moves not even a smile or a wink 😉. Fortune favors the brave but since none of them was looking none of them was brave. Their luck was her friend who approached him and pushed him to talk with her. So he did, they exchanged a few words and the only coherent thing he was able to say was to ask for her contact. Then 🪄 ✨ 🪄 ✨ 🪄 magic happened, they hugged and time stopped, all the people around them disappeared, and the music turned silent like everything worked for that one endless hug. That was it they said goodbye without any thought that they would see each other again. The next day he reached out, they dated and their first date went by like time didn't exist and it ended with a hug like both of them wanted to double-check the magic. Their relationship started and in no time she was telling him my love and just as fast in one evening he whispered to her that he had fallen in love. In just 2 weeks they've found peace in each other and they were promising each other that together they will do everything possible and above all and simply they will be HAPPY.

Their story shows that there is hope and that magic can happen at the most unexpected moments in the most unexpected places. I really think that the secret lies in having the courage to have your heart opened and really look in somebody's eyes. LOVE still happens.

I try as much as possible each evening to go to the park and make some steps and I've been doing this for already more than a year in the park close to home. A couple of days to my surprise there was a girl in an alley with a mic and a speaker and she was singing. I stopped and rested for 15 minutes to the tunes of her voice.

Life gives you beautiful moments of peace, and calm it's just up to you to notice the small things, take a break, and enjoy them. Your soul will be grateful.

And the last one, I have many more but somehow I feel that this one should close the post. This evening I wanted to eat an ice cream so I jumped in the car drove there, took some steps, and bought a delicious ice cream. Enjoyed it :) and afterward, I stopped at a coffee shop to smoke a cigar (a rare guilty pleasure).  As I was enjoying my coffee, and my cigar and was writing this post something beautiful happened. At the table next to me, somehow behind my back, a couple came, I would say they were around 30, and by their faces, they weren't in the happiest moment of their life. Without intention ( ok, I admit, with intention) I listened to their conversation. They were both sad and what caught my attention and I want to write about was the following conversation:

Her: you know, I am going through a period and I think we should stop our relationship

Him: did I do something? what happened? Can I help you somehow

Her: no no, you're the sweetest guy and I really like you but...

Him: but what then? if there is something I can help with please let me help you

Her: no no you can't it's just about me and I don't want to talk about it

Him: I don't understand what happened and you know that I love you and it's hard for me to just sit on the side and let you struggle

Her: that's why we should stop because I don't want to hurt you, it's my problem

Him: it's hard for me but I will try to respect your choice. i think you are making a mistake as you should allow me to be there for you but this is what you need I will do my best to respect it.

Her: Yes

Him: please let me finish

- his voice was shaking and her voice was the voice of a person who tries to stop the tears from falling-

Him: I will be just one phone call away at any point, I cannot look at this as a break-up as it is clear that you are going through something and the point of this is to be by your side when it's hard not when it's easy. So I'll wait for you till you figure things out or you need just my presence.

Her: thank you

She kissed his forehead and she left, he paid the check and he also left the other way and I got a glimpse of the tears that started to fall on his cheeks. I wanted to tell him something but what could I have told him in order to make him feel better?

You can look at this as a sad story but I see the beauty in it. You may ask what beauty? if hearts are broken. Love is violent, it feels so good and it hurts so bad, and that is the beauty of it because you cannot have the most exalting sensations without the other side. And I could ramble around this idea for pages but that's not the point. The point is that LOVE is a choice, a choice to stick by a person through good and bad, and this guy tried to do just this with the softest voice possible ever. I really hope she will call him as they seem to have a really deep connection.

Believe in beauty and you will see beauty or at least this is my way just like Frank said. A few years ago in therapy, the therapist said in the closing session: Nic, do you know what's your biggest problem? You feel too much in a world that doesn't want to feel and this consumes you. I would tell you to try and control yourself but I am aware that this would mean that you will no longer be you. Or like a very good friend of mine said "You are emotionally handicapped literally and figuratively " :))). 

And I am proud of it ;)

love/heart

 Throughout history from poets to philosophers, literally everybody tried to find the answer to the eternal question: what is love?

Let me share my 2 cents on it and be one of the many who thought about it and shared their findings.

Love is a choice. God is love. This goes perfectly hand in hand and maybe I should stop here but as simple as it is us people, especially the world today, try not to make it complicated but simply to crush this idea.

This is how stupid we've become and with all social media, quotes, self-proclaimed therapists, and self-proclaimed prophets everybody is working fiercely to convince everybody that solitude is the solution, that there is always somebody better for you, love yourself, play games, have techniques, use people, get rich and bla bla bla.

How and where did we lose the concept that love is the supreme objective in life. Where did we lose the, already abstract, values of respect and loyalty? When did everybody decide to stop working for their relationships and why didn't I get the memo. How cowardly did we become to be that we choose to get away from a person in their hard times? Who decided on the price tag of a soul and said that an expensive car, house, or trip is more valuable. And the list can continue for pages but with every word I write my soul becomes bitter and bitter.

Said it before and will say it again. I was raised by strong women who valued family and love about everything. My father is the pure definition of when life gives you lemons you make a lemonade. He is not rich but he is the richest man in the world, he built a family and he is loved. I know a lot of females and I have quite a few female friends. I've been married and I loved a few times in my life. I made some mistakes. I was chated I was lied to but every time my biggest fear was not to lose my soul and transform into these cold ice cubes that we see walking around every day.

Love is about building together, it's based on respect, and it's about sticking together in the hardest times. Love is about being honest and expressing your emotions and vulnerabilities without any fear. So fucking simple.

You hear and find everywhere books, podcasts, courses, and so on about how to get the girl, and how to get the boy. How about being your true self and allowing a connection to appear without any tricks? How about being honest about what you are looking for? Or how to keep the girl and how to keep the boy. How about being fully open and communicating what's on your soul?

I am hearing around me, mostly from women, Nic you shouldn't be so open anymore when you are entering a relationship. You should be more reserved and stop being available so much. I have a full-time job and 2 businesses on the side ( don't jump to conclusions, I am not rich, I am incredibly far from being worries free), and still when I meet a woman that I am very interested in I am making the time to text her, call her, date her. It seems this is wrong and I should be more unapproachable. Wtf. I went on a lot of first dates because in order to get to a second date I need to feel a spark building there. This happens rarely but when it happens I DECIDE to invest energy and pieces of me there because I am fully aware that this is the only way you can build with somebody. Nic you shouldn't express your emotions you should be more cold, pardon me for being open and expressing the appreciation and feelings that build inside me for a woman. Stop prioritizing the women you like, be busy, or at least act busy. It seems that if you are there for somebody they start losing their interest in you.

Why do you buy the woman you like flowers without a reason? Because I like her, I have feelings for her. But oh wait you've read all the stupid stuff that a man buys flowers if he did something wrong. Or you should buy rarely and big big bouquets of roses so that she can post them on social media. I apologize for spending sometimes my last money just to buy one rose for the smile of the woman I like.

I don't believe in sex roles I believe that we are a team and from the bottom of our hearts we try to bring as many smiles as possible on the faces of each other. If you are working late and I finished earlier i see it normal for me to cook and the other way around. 2 people as a team will always be able to achieve more than 2 individuals. 

There is an extract from an interview with Keanu Reeves in which he is being asked " Are you a lover or a fighter? " and he answers "What kind of love do you have if you don't fight for your love?". Millions and millions of likes but if you look in society you will see and hear that you are a sucker if you fight for your love you should move to the next one, this one doesn't deserve you, this one is toxic. How about opening your fucking soul and listening to it. People make mistakes, people have bad days, people feel lost, and life is hard on all of and that's when you should fight for them be there, be their support. Instead in our days, people move to the next one. Everybody wants easy, cowards and lazy people who wake up later in life realizing what they've missed.

Honesty and communication go a long way and make things beautiful and respectful every time. But no it's better to discuss with a friend or therapist the issues you have with your partner. No, it's better to detach yourself from a relationship. Sorry again but if I have an issue with you you are the first person that I will talk it to as I might have got it wrong. People throw words around, I know that, but look in their eyes and decide for yourself if they say the truth or if you have additional questions but make it clear together. In a world " opened for business" choose loyalty and if it happens to be swiped off your feet by somebody else then this means from the start that you don't want what you already have and out of respect for the other you should go tell them and end things with care for their soul because you never know the harm you could leave behind. If you are in a relationship and you take a break in which you date other people and then come back because you love that person this is called BULLSHIT and it will never last because what made you go away the first time will make you go away the second time also so do your self a favor and either you stay and try to fix it through love and communication either you walk your way.

It's Saturday and tomorrow we have Easter and maybe I should use kinder words but this is the reality and maybe tonight when we all go to the church and take the light we take love also and apply it in our lives. Here in Romania, Bucharest you will find at the Friday evening service of some churches a lot of single women who spent their 20s in clubs with champagne and dudes that changed them for the newer younger model and now in their 30s they realize and they want to change their ways and find somebody. I pray that they all make it but the pattern is already broken and God will send you good men but honestly, I think that the understanding is a bit different on the notion. As good doesn't necessarily mean the same type of men you had before that now choose to stay with you. Then on Sunday, you have some monasteries where both men and women go and pray for a good partner, mostly women, and I am so sure that good listeners and he send their way good people but if you are not really honest and specific in what you want you will mess it up every time. In the Bible, there is only one line on how to choose your partner and it's something like "You should choose the person you could go to war with if needed" This means support, reliability, confidence, respect, and love.

We are all souls wandering the earth searching for other souls, we should choose wisely and we should always treat the ones we meet with kindness because we never know what's left behind us and this world already has too many broken people.

Love is the courage to leave your soul in somebody else's hands knowing that they could break it. Love is the kindness you treat somebody else's soul knowing you have it in your hands.

Simple. No games, no tricks. but each one decides for himself.

I prefer to remain me, a stupid dreamer who lays his soul on a tray hoping that somebody will patch all its wounds with LOVE.