not so boring

There are so many ideas about how life is or it shoud be. We attract what we truly want, we pay for sins from past lifes, we project in the universe what we want and so many more. In my case i think i repeated so much the quote from David Bowie (" I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring ") that it unvails every day in such a not boring way. Or after a few funny short stories you could say that the world is in fact so small.

Just to prepare the stage I never cheated, I am loyal as fuck and with all this what i projected was the opposite from ladies that started a relationship with me while they were in another relationship or they cheated along the way. I was raised by two extraordinary strong women and from here i can honestly say that i have a huge respect for women in general meaning never ever have I been violent in any way with a woman up to the point that i avoid cursing in their presence also. I dated a lot of girls and ladies along my life and i got involved with only a few in relationships, and there I was present with all my heart. But this is not about my values but about some funny stories.

Another point to be laid down from my perspective is that cheating starts with the intention, man shoots his shoot, the woman can politely refuse mentioning she is not interested or even saying she is in a relationship; if she is not doing this and she entertains the conversation boom there you have it, cheating. Also ignoring it is sort of a I am going to keep this door on my radar who knows. Clear communication equals loyalty anything less or more not. The same applies vice versa.

My last ex cheated on me with the same dude that my first love cheated me 19 years ago. The moment i realised this i laughed for 2 hours straight, just imagine the irony. Then in my pure style of making fun of what hurts me I was thinking to contact him and tell him "dude, how does it feel to be the downgrade" or " dude, I am sorry that 19 years ago i didn't warn you but this time this is what you are walking in to" but I realized that i was a bit drunk and more than sure he wouldn't laugh at my jokes. The funny part is that both times he saw me and maybe he doesn't remembers me but bro stop following me.

Along 3 relationships we were constantly bumping in to a dude in the city and he was every time looking, winking or even coming up to them when i was going to the restroom. In all fairness a pretty handsome dude but as it seems with no respect or morals. As you can imagine the 3rd was the lucky one, meaning she smiled back friended on Instagram and the rest is history.

Most of the relationships had an ex who cheated still present in their life in a way or another because he was an extraordinary person. I get it but if you want to build something with me why should i constantly see him?

The relationship, she was already in the parallel universe and when it became to much for her the decision was to acuse me of cheating. Something like i didn't it garlic and my breath doesn't smell.

People lie, people cheat and that's on them. You should keep a positive mindset and always talk nice to them and about them as the way you act says things about you. At times they will insult your intelligence and don't admit the wrong doing but i really think it's hard to tell yourself the truth, admit to it and still have a good opinion about yourself. This is the characteristic of people who worked and still work with them, they are the ones who will take responsibility for their wrongdoings and try to fix them and they should get second chances as for the others they focus on themselves and don't even think about what they are doing to others.

Be good, spread love and i promise you that someday you will be appreciated.

all for a feeling

All for a feeling, most of it i am referring to that feeling but for the sake of making a point I will talk about other feelings also.

I think that nobody no longer wants the feeling as it's uncertain and besides the greatest joys it can generate the greatest sufferings also, so they turn their heads towards rational thinking. You have some that use it but they no longer value it and therefore they take it easy and honestly i don't think it does any justice to a feeling that is so deep and generates so many wonderful sensations.

A great romanian writter once said " to love means to suffer and how many people run from suffering, few people know how to love" - Emil Cioran.

Most people have one disappointment in love and that's it, I don't minimize the potential trauma, they decide that is better to build an incredible high wall around their soul and they treat everything with reason. People have an incredible fear of feelings worse than any horror movie.

Don't you dare express your feelings in this world as you will be misunderstood and judged for it. Real power of a human being is to love, to express that love and to act in accordance with that love. I remember when i was in a short relationship and she was constantly telling me to open up and be vulnerable, I felt like it and I did so, you can guess what happened next, she disconsidered my feelings the second i opened and she told me I am to weak 🤣🤣🤣 ending our relationship on the reason that i feel to much generally and she believes in reason not feelings. Not confusing at all. 

We no longer have relationships as this is a label that nobody wants, it's a too strict term that assumes loyalty and dedication and we are not ready for this so therefore we have situationships. The next time I will be in a situationship and we will meet one of friends I'll introduce her: x she is my situation y. Can you believe the level of lack of assume we have?

You go to a club and you meet a woman and after a few drinks you end up kissing, towards the end of the night as a gentleman you tell her that you like her and you would want to get to know her and that you will not fuck that night, the answer is "ok bye" or " are you serious? Because i want to fuck you now” and a tone of laughs afterwards. You also have a segment which will say that they appreciate because they think about the image they leave but without any intention of seeing you the next few days. This is from my happenings and I am sure that good women find themselves in this type of situations also.

Never make love with with a person that wanted you for a night.

I am a firm believer that sex is awesome and it becomes a pleasant experience when you have a connection. Not to say after you fall in love and you can't get enough of that person, that's when the magic happens. Sex is something fantastic but it needs a connection, trust and feelings in order to be fantastic. And we reach the same point, people are affraid of feelings so they decide to reduce themselves to the animal level (I am offending the animals here) and they have meaningless sex as a sport hiding behind the line " I have needs". So fucking sad to fuck just to fuck.

At a certain point in life I was going through a heart breaking period after a break up and I was constantly thinking about her and trying to find ways to get in touch with her and talk and get back together. I relied on some of my friends to listen to me and maybe calm my soul somehow, they simply couldn't understand me as they were applying 100% reason to everything I was expressing from my heart. I think it's sad that we all gave up on encouraging the hearts and we talk only mind to mind and not soul to soul. I understood their approach as you see people nowadays when they have see other people who follow their hearts it's strange, this is not something that you see too much nowdays.

I said many times before and i cannot stress this enough people no longer have empathy, no longer listen. If you dare tell somebody how you felt in a certain situation they will make it about them and transform it in a conflict or they will throw all the stones in their pocket at you saying that you have unhealed trauma. If you are honestly giving some compliments or express your feelings they will say it's bullshit. If you talk people no longer listen with their heart but with their mind and while you are talking in fact they imagine what you are saying and they are preparing their answer. People no longer apologize for their disrespect or wrongful doing and they preffer to say that you have issues. It's easier to run from our own feelings and look deep inside, we embrace the I am healed and self love attitude as it is imposed to admit us with us that we have been a shitty person in some situations.

It blows my mind the so many ways in which people are running away from their own feelings and therefore they also don't offer.

We don't communicate, we don't try, we just cheat or go away and we sell ourselves lies that we are good people instead of admiting the mistake and trying to be better next time. Very fast we will find somebody else and we will repeat the same cycle on and on till we will realize that what we really need in this life is the feelings.

Honestly I am full of scars and I would have been entitled to close and not show any feeling of any kind but I constantly make a conscious decision to believe in my heart and to respect what she feels. For sure I am not perfect and i fall victim to my own fears but i am constantly trying to keep the heart open and to listen it.

Respect the feeling dear people, let it fil your body with all the amazing reactions, stop living in reason. I don't say to ignore all form of reason but find your own ballance between the two and live, live with passion. Buy flowers, say i love you, be happy, make plans, have fights, be sad, be disability get back together, forgive and love harder, break up, wait a short wile (if you didn't consume your grieving while being there) that find somebody else with more feeling. Never betray your heart, she cannot handle disappointment from you, she'll always survives disappointment from others.

The universe loves a stubborn heart.

I still believe in love and I run towards it with all my courage and all my fears. Give your all and always try harder as you have huge walls in front of other hearts that need breaking. I still believe in the goodness of the heart of so many people and the barriers of their mind-reason and their ego. 

You are always one step away from a great love or a great disappointment, have the courage to take that step.

giv(er)

In a world where everyone is focused on individual freedom I choose to dream about freedom in two. I understand that love is freedom and not a prison. Because, you see, opening your soul and mind gives you first of all courage to do things you never thought you will do, it gives you wings of confidence. When you choose to love openly and honestly despite any potential outcome that your fears see, despite any outside comments, despite the posibility that it will not be reciprocated, despite the posibility that it will be wellcomed with a harsh reaction, and so on, in fact you will give and by giving you will actually feel good. Yes I agree that sometimes you will feel at your worst and might even hit a very bad depression but this is just a possibility, the chances are always 50-50. When you offer your love and compassion first of all it's your choice and when you offer it, it makes you feel better and you have a 50-50 chance of answer. You can never know. You don't smile because you want people to smile back, it would be nice but that's about them. You shouldn't say "I love you" because you want to hear it back, it would be extraordinary but in fact you say it because that's what you feel and by simply saying it your body already filled with a bunch of crazy feeling good hormones. By giving you are in fact giving to yourself waiting for the positive outcome, and that only intensifies to incredible heights the feeling good state. 

While transitioning to the dark side I think it's mandatory to understand that there is a very thin line here. 

You must, and it's a baseline requirement, pay attention to others needs also. The sense of fulfilment it's acquired by being useful, and you can be useful by giving also what is needed and required. I dare to deep dive and provide a couple of examples. A dentist who chosen his career path out of passion will feel fulfilment when he is helping a pacient by giving them what they need not what he wants. A good mechanic it's the one that does his job out of passion and will fix the problem you have with your car and sees other problems the car might have, despite a bad one who will start trying to convince you that you need a new paint or a tunning and so on. You are in a relationship and you both come from work after a long day one of you might need a long hug while the other might need a long kiss, between 2 people there is a delicate dance of putting your partner needs above yours, but if she needs a hug? Give that hug don't give her a tap on the back because that's what you want to give. I know all this stuff it's hard to be done when you are going through a hard period but take a stept back, take a break, calibrate, think about what you feel for the other and try harder and better. Like the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side becuase they water it.

Reaching the dark side, don't play the saint card because we all have it. Good people do bad stuff also, just so you know in case nobody said it. I think what makes a person better is admitting and coming to peace that he did something bad and trying to fix it and learning not to ever do it again and that's why people need chances and feedback. It's commonly known fact that it's easier to do something bad than something good. Following the above, if you choose to give only what you want (thin line again, there's a difference between what you want - the brain, and what you can - the heart) instead of what is needed you are more likely to be selfish as you are only satisfying your need to give and you don't care about the need to be received on the other end. You want to do something nice for someone and in your way home you decide to stop by the candy store and buy something sweet for them, till here is your need, choosing to buy a random cookie or the cookie they like it's the difference between caring about their needs also or not. A complete circle gives maximum joy to both participants. Deviated a bit, we all have moments when we feel attacked and up to a certain point you can face it with kindness (depending on how much you worked with yourself) but from that point we start attacking also, and that's the key to a total shitstorm from which some recover or some give up. It's normal to have this, we all need to learn how to fight, when you reach the boiling point take a break, breath and open your mouth with kindness. I know, I know it's hard but this is a constant in life and we need to learn how to navigate through it. Let's attack the very worse of the worse, when you are suffering. All of us in stage one we are throwing all the blame on the other, the secret is to move in the next stage and try to understand what you did also that might have triggered all those reactions. I am not saying to take the blame on yourself, NO, i am just saying to look at the both sides of the story, there are always 2.  You will through shit and say mean things and some people will also do mean stuff (shitty ones) but you must move past this point and try to understand the process of action and reaction and how this happens in each mind based on his values, experiences and so on. In most of the cases people didn't do you wrong because they are bad, they did it because at that moment it's the only way they know how to respond. It's hard to take responsibility for some shit you did but it's the only way you can become better you as a human being. If in the process you are lucky enough to find a person who decides they want to do the same you will find yourself in the process of buidling a fantastic relationship, be it a romantic one or a friendship one.

Give, Receive and I hope you will choose to stay when everybody goes away. Trust me it's the shitiest advice possible if you judge with your mind but put some soul in to it and you will see unfold in front of you and inside you a brand new world filled with fantastic experiences. You will equally smile and cry and as a paradox this will make you feel both of them to the maximum, you can't have one without the other. 

sort of a confession

Let me tell you a few things. Let me tell you a few stories from a person who tried most of his life to find good people to surround himself with.

From the starters just to be clear this is more of a confession and I am not claiming any second that I am a good person but at least I am trying every day to be a better person and I tried all my life not to hurt other people the way I've been hurt, I never used applied on a person even if we were fighting the deepest fears and frustrations that they have once shared with me and every time I have tried to be as fair as possible and my biggest fear since forever was not so hurt anybody's feelings.

I've been in a relationship where the linkage point that made us connect was a similar past trauma. We've talked for nights and nights and nights and most of the time we were drinking more than a bottle of wine a night but we were lying to each other that it was ok. I realized the mistake but by that point, I already caught feelings and didn't want to mess up the connection as every time when I was a bit down or had any other thoughts she was telling me that she feels that she lost the connection with me, and me as a brave pawn in the great game of life I was jumping to try and reconnect. She was still keeping on social media pictures of her ex and most of her friends were calling her to give her updates about her exes' life. When I raised this point she instantly changed her attitude and told me that it was a part of her past and I have a problem if that bothers me. Now I am a part of her past and I am nowhere on her social media profile. At the beginning of our relationship, she was receiving flowers at her office and the funny thing was that it wasn't me so this was how I have founded out because the next time she told me after a while. Funny that she already kissed that guy so officially they were somehow in a relationship but she just left him for me. I know, lucky me why do I complain about this? well because if they did this for you they will do it to you also. But this and all other stuff I have swiped under the rug, my bad, thinking that love can conquer and fix everything. Towards our end, he chose to apply for break up the same strategy that I have told her I have suffered in the past just to tell herself a lie that she had empathy for me. She even used the most terrible line I have ever heard being told to me just to tell me that she is sorry she used it ( you'll find it out in the next mini-stories). Not even one week later she minded her life like nothing happened.

WAKE UP, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT LOVE !!!

NOTE: the idea of sharing your experiences and being vulnerable is to create in your relationship a safe space and to avoid hurting your partner, especially in a way they were hurt in the past. The idea is that like this you can better understand your partner because guess what we all have triggers.

In my teenage years let's just say that I was on the very wrong path in life, and at a certain point, I threw a huge new year party at my place with colleagues from high school and friends from my childhood hood. It turned out very very very bad with some outside people that came with the clear intention to kill me. My childhood friends hid around the apartment ( 2 rooms communist flat, so you can imagine that rats might learn hiding techniques from them) and high school colleagues just sat behind their girlfriends. My luck at the bellow floor my neighbors were having a party with a lot of people also and I asked for their help, they didn't understand my panicked voice and only two of them came here we were 3 people bair handed against 4 people with metal bars and knives in their hands. You can imagine who suffered? us, no surprise, and the full staircase from the second floor to the ground floor were full of blood and all windows were broken. In order to follow the timeline remember that I had a girlfriend at this time, my high school sweetheart, my first love, details follow. One of the guys that literally saved my life, he came and fought with me 8 or 9 years later he introduced me to somebody with whom I had some business opportunities, he called me and told me that if I made any money from the fact that he introduced me to that person he is entitled to 50% when I told him that he is joking he threatened my girlfriend and parents for the shitty amount of less than 300 EURO. During those years you can imagine how many times I have helped him and I will forever be grateful because I am stupid that way.

WAKE UP, FRIENDS WILL FUCK YOU UP SOONER OR LATER !!!

NOTE: a great friendship is not defined by time (how long we know each other), is not defined by the hardships we went through, or supported each other. I think friendship is defined by common values and principles, honesty, empathy, and common interests/passions. We evolve and if we evolve on totally different paths it's ok for relations to turn cold.

The girlfriend, well, not long after the event she started dating and kissing my oldest childhood friend. The same year my grand grand mother ( the woman that raised me) fell to bed and I was also helping in taking care of her. The girlfriend came back with tears in her eyes that she made a mistake and I forgave her because oh well everybody deserves a second chance, right? A few days before my birthday she dumped me telling me that I am sitting with her for her virginity and ran to the seaside well she had her first experience with a stranger. And even before her, I was the dude who was running from virgins as I never considered that to be a sign of masculinity. 

WAKE UP, LOVE is such a passing thing, and male friends will screw you for a potential girl!

NOTE: we mainly all start in life with an open heart and then stuff happens and most people darken their souls by each experience they go through yelling afterward " I am a strong beautiful person", BULLSHIT, you are strong if you pass through shit just like all of us but on the other side you still have an opened good heart ;) otherwise, you will just act like an ass with all the next people that appear in your life. Furthermore, if people will confront you, you will put the magic blanket of Self Love and offend them more.

The next few years were a complete chaos of which I am not proud but I am proud that I have changed my ways and I am way above all that shit. People with which I was sharing the same meal and all the burdens after my first trip abroad to work asked me for money under the pretext that that's what brothers do. Before my second departure when I was sitting with them and they reminded me that this time I should bring something and when I told them that they are crazy and that I need to start packing for the next day and we should close the party they threatened to kill me after I threw them out of the house they came back with some metal bars and tried to break in. the signs on my parents' apartment door remained there for more than 10 years.

WAKE UP, there is no such thing as BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER !!!

NOTE: the same as above regarding friendships and in plus I might add, choosing the right people around you it's a difficult task,  keeping and letting go of some of them it's even harder. But let me have a look at the people around you and there is a high chance you will do the same as them and you will look at life in the same way as them. I am not talking about the multitude of people that a person might know, I am talking about the closest ones, the ones with whom you spend most of the time. For example, if you are an entrepreneur and in your close circle are people who are not so friends with law and taxes. there is a high probability that you will not have a clean ship either. If you are in a relationship and everybody in your group is single that relationship will not be so long. If people in your group are engaged in relationships where they cheat and they have a rude vocabulary with their partners you will do the same as that is the standard of your bubble in which this is not something wrong. And so on. The idea is that if you want to evolve you need to break patterns, get out of your bubble, and find your spot in a bubble where you are challenged to be a better person in society not in your bubble.

After 3 years away from home I have experienced loneliness and sadness at its deepest and realized that what I want from this life is to have a decent life and to have a family. 3 years filled with way much more alcohol than you will drink in your entire life and experiencing all the possible drugs. One night I passed out in the parking lot, woke up, jumped on the scooter, and tried to get home just to fall several times along the road. When I woke up in the morning full of scratches I realized that this is not the life that I want. 

WAKE UP, any form of running will always intensify what your heart truly needs.

Came back home got a 9 to 6 job and 2 years later met, what seemed at that time, a good woman. First-year was shitty as she started the relationship with me while she was in a relationship with her ex and the dude loved her and had a hard time understanding what the fuck happened. He was just screaming for an explanation and only now after so many years I understand him. At the same time, one of her group friends was with another ex, a fucking asshole who the first time we met asked me how we fuck and it took all my patience not to punch him. At the same fucking time one of her best friends was fucking one of her exes and when I signaled this that was the end of our relationship right on my birthday because how can I dare state that this is wrong and what's my problem.

WAKE UP, you live in a world where everybody fucks everybody and that's super perfect and awesome.

NOTE: it's ok to try and date someone and realize that you don't fit but you are both decent human beings and you would better get along as friends. You never but never fuck with one of your friends' exes, people are not toys that you borrow from one to another, and then share details about the experience. Have some self-respect first of all and second of all if you consider that person a friend then offer the bare minimum RESPECT, if somebody does this and you are on the receiving end then for sure they are not your friend. If you just hook up with somebody and have sex once and you never had long conversations about intimate stuff, there was no relationship there, maybe maybe maybe later on in time maybe you can be like friends but not super close ones. If you were in a long relationship with somebody and shared intimate stuff and you know very close stuff about the other and you have memories together then for sure you cannot be friends. Why? because at the moment you broke up one of you suffered and one of you was ok, because when you broke up one of you had enough and the other wanted more; this applies to the people who sit at the table and they maturely realize that it's no longer working because even in this situation the one that proposes the talk wants to get out the other one was not ready yet he was just falling the script in front of them. People don't fall in love at the exact same time and they don't fall out of love at the exact same time. And yes you might ignore all this and be friends but if you plan on having another relationship just think how the new person will feel knowing that the person in front of them already knows everything about you, what you like what you don't like, know every inch of your body. You see when we enter a relationship and we fall in love we all want to be special to the person next to us because they are so special to us, we are excited every day about what we discover in that person their uniqueness their good parts, and their bad parts. Allthough we are aware that each one of us has a background we blindly ignore that in order to rejoice in the brand-new discovery journey. If a former special one (not just abasic ex but a special person) is there and constantly shares memories about your past together it closes doors for the new person it doesn't allow them to see your reactions in certain situations because somebody else is telling them that not even you. It closes the door to trying new things with you maybe even for the first time for them because they already find out from your former special one that you did that. Just to close the note it's like when you buy an SH car, it's new for you and you enjoy it and you discover the buttons and the maneuverability and you are enthusiastic about it, would you want the former owner to be there and tell you what every button do and to tell you hey if you go over 60 you will feel the kick down and that's when the experience it's awesome and so on? It's not about being jealous or not having self-confidence it's about loving someone and when you love someone you like to think that they are telling you the most beautiful I love you that they are trying some experiences with you for the first time and so on, although most probably it's not the case this is the beautiful dream of love and you don't want around a constant reminder that it's not the case.

2nd NOTE: A lot of people say that a man and a woman can't be friends and they are so wrong. We are basically animals and when 2 people first meet someone one of the two was attracted to the other but then they realize their connection it's a friendly one. Boom you can be friends. There's a catch here, you can see that person as a friend but do they see you the same, or if they would have the opportunity they would jump on it? There was an online trend at a certain point in which females and males were calling out of the bloom their opposing sex friends (while their partner was next to them) and they were telling them that they just realized that they should hook up and it was a mistake they didn't do it till now or that they should repeat it if they have history. How many of you have the courage to do such a test?

Getting back to the stories, the same girl came back half a year later and we got back together because I was still in love with her and during those months yeah I dated a few girls but I couldn't take it a step further (sex) with none of them. She proposed I said yes we got married, she cheated while accusing me of cheating took me through an emotional hell, forgave her, we tried and finally we divorced.

WAKE UP, LOVE without respect and loyalty it's nothing, and sooner or later it will not work. You cannot make people care for your feelings and to treat you with kindness by loving them more, you simply cannot.

Along the way, I've lost people that told me that they are my friends, that we are brothers, girls who told me they love me and in some cases, I had the capacity to open my eyes and tell them they are in a hurry to use big words while in other cases I jumped in and believed their words with all my heart. For more than 10 years I had a friend and who was constantly talking about what it means to be a man and about respect and it always sounded to me that we have the same values. You know that saying that if we are friends you will defend my name when I am not there? At a certain point, he made some new friends and the moment when I met them also came, it shocked me when after a few glasses they told me "Hey, you are really cool and smart, X told us a lot about you but from his stories, we thought that you are the stupidest person possible that you keep around to have somebody to make fun of", COOL. What did I do? well, I forgave and lied to myself that maybe he shared some funny stories in which we were both stupid and they got it wrong, after all, we were talking about one of my best friends that stood by me in some very hard moments of my life, a person with whom along the years I shared good and bad, food, businesses, true friends. Years passed and this type of scenario in which I was not feeling respected became more often till a certain point when I entered a relationship and just because he was not able to understand what's her job he started making fun that she is a cashier, I was able to digest anything but not respecting the person next to me is where I draw a line. The relationship with that girl was already at the end and when I confronted him about his lack of respect he told me that I am overreacting as that was a joke (a constant very rude one) and why does it matter as I am no longer with that girl. You can imagine I was not happy about the full situation and also about losing the girl but what hurt me the most was that as he left the room he turned towards me and he told me well, I am happy you broke up.

WAKE UP, RESPECT It's hard to come by, people will not respect you if you respect them.  No matter the relationship with somebody most of the people when you will tell them how their actions and words made you feel, they will make it about them ignoring that you came with calmness and just shared how they made you feel.

NOTE: if somebody comes with calm and tells you with details how your actions or words made them feel it means that they still trust you, it means that they want to repair the situation, it means that they love you, it means that they don't want to lose you, it means that they just feel hurt and they want you to know and eventually telling them that you are sorry, it means that inside their brain and soul, they already found an excuse for your wrongdoings. It doesn't mean that they attacked you, it doesn't mean that they accused you of anything, it doesn't mean that they are frustrated, it doesn't mean that they have past issues that they didn't fix. Respond with calm and love and warmth just like they came towards you if you still value them as a person otherwise just be a decent human being and shut up and then move on. The same applies to couple relations and if only people would be capable of not making it about them like the narcissists that they are (sorry, self-love experts) we would have more pleasant and strong relationships.

I was in a relationship where I instantly felt a connection the moment I met her. Everything seemed too good to be true till the first actual face 2 face date where she talked more about one of her exes than about her, ignored and put it in the context of the stories finding a normality in this. The second date came and the dude called her and again I heard stories about him and his life, ok I understood that they are friends now he has some issues and she is a good friend being there for him. She assured me and told me that I have nothing to worry about and she even planned a dinner with him where stories unfolded about their past relationship, you can imagine that from that point my attitude changed but decided to approach the issue the moment I was calm and I was able to explain it. Said and done, it seemed that the discussion worked out well although my disappointment was there and I was still feeling uncomfortable about it so I tried talking a bit about my past in order to better explain where I am coming from and why some situations are triggers and I need her to navigate together with me beyond this type of situations but she was not opened to listen to it and changed the topic saying that the past doesn't matter and just the present. This was making so much sense to me but it remained with me how does my past doesn't matter but she can share and carry around her past. The decision was to handle this with love and patience as this is what people need to let go of certain things or to realize stuff about them and make their life better for them not for the other. Things went well from that point till the first fight in which as I was not yet clear with everything I decided to walk away instead of answering back with aggressiveness. Bad call I admit, oh well I am not perfect, and just like every human being I have my fair share of mistakes and shitty moves. Admitted my mistake, apologized for a few days, and tried to get into a conversation with her, but no luck. She decided to go out in the club and just because my friends were there she expected that I will be there also, I wasn't, she decided to entertain herself and to talk to some guys in the club that were hitting on her. The next day I was there also and we got back together but when I told her about the guys she talked with she answered that she was single so what is the issue. Fair point somehow although just before the fight she told me "I love you" and I really don't think love works that way. From that point, this situation without being discussed changed my attitude and I was constantly searching for the moment and for a way to open the topic again but in a calm manner because love was there from my side and I didn't want to offend or hurt her also just because I was feeling hurt. I didn't find the best method and this offended her a lot and she decided to walk away. We talked and talked and talked, well actually she talked talked talked making me the bad guy and I was just trying from point to point to repeat the same few things that bothered me and saying every time that they are fixable if we talk about them. One night we talked and reached a calm point and ended up hugging and falling asleep together and 2 days later she told me that she misses me and after 2 days later she told me that she is with somebody else. It ended.

WAKE UP, people don't put the same value into "I love you" as you do.

NOTE: I am the strongest supporter of doing and saying what your heart feels and being as authentic as possible. At the same time, I really think that this comes with a responsibility, the responsibility of our words and actions and the impact it has on the ones around us. There are a lot of saying around this but probably the best one is " Don't do to another what you wouldn't like to be done to you".

CLOSING LINE

Lessons learned or not. The first half of this year was absolutely horrible for me but I realized that despite all the stuff that I've been through throughout my life ( many many more than the short above stories, stories which were depicted and changed as I don't want to hurt anybody) I have always had my heart opened and offered everything like nothing ever hurt me. I have treated every person that came along with respect and love and fairness, if I didn't feel the connection I didn't advance because I always said that I will break the cycle every time and I will never hurt other people like others hurt me. I always believed that LOVE is the strongest force in the universe and it's the only thing that I can give to a potential partner or my friends. Loyalty and empathy were the fundaments of all my actions every time beyond any conflicts as I always thought that solutions come from these values with a sprinkle of love. 

The world would be a better place if we would all be considerate (this includes kindness, empathy, love, respect, and so on) with everybody around us as we never know what internal fights each of them has and one good/wrong gesture or word might be the courage to keep going or the closing chapter. 

For the time I am congratulating the new world with all their self-love raised to the selfishness level, I cannot fall in your lines. You won, I am tired and I need some rest for my soul, all my love and good intentions (sometimes wrongly shown but with a clean heart) have hit way too many walls and have been used for the wrong purposes way too many times, this was never a reason for quitting and it never should be. Thank You and Congratulations!

congratulations

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 You, yes you, you made it.

You might now question yourself, what did i do? Well let me get you my 2 cents on it.

You managed to form a society that has no more values, no more aspiration, no more love, no more empathy, no more nothing that was good and pure.

Everybody runs in their race of self discovery but they forget the fact that they are part of a society and would benefit them tremendously if they would also bent their mind and soul in trying to discover the ones around them.

Self love misunderstood in which is risen to the vanity level, selfishness cum lauda. People care only about themselves and they no longer care if their words or actions hurt other people as long as it makes them feel good. There is no place for others emotions as they are considered drama, there is no more empathy for others hurt as it is considered bad for their energy. 

Not a very long time ago I had a bad depression episode. Yes, guess what? Depression is real and I am no longer ashamed to say that I have suffered from it and that I am still battling a serious part of it. Life gave me some serious hits in the beginning of this year and it was so hard for me to find somebody to just listen without judging. Everybody jumped to conclusions and served me with their own interpretation of my situation although i was laying on a silver plate everything that was going on. And yes i understand you have your own shit going on but if we pretend that we are friends at least have the common sense and let me know that you can help me, I would have respected that, instead of hurting me even more. If somebody trusted you at a moment in their life to tell you their biggest sufferings never but never use those against them, pay attention.

Everybody is taking the crown of " I am healed" like it's a race of who heals faster. Like DMX ( 90' rapper) was saying "to live is to suffer", it's clear that all of us been through some serious shit but you must live and try everyday to be better, to admit you have some rotten apples in your basket but it's you basket, don't be ashamed of it. If you really want a shot at love and happiness be ready to be vulnerable as vulnerability means you are strong and it will atract what's meant for you. I really pray for you. Stop running, face it brace for impact and magic will happen.

People are demonizing jealousy, I am talking about a healthy dose that we all have if we truly care about a person, and they will turn it 180 saying that you have trust issues when in fact you have a history, you don't trust the people around them and so on. We want love but a cold distant one without to much emotion involved as that might lead to suffering and it's scary.

If a couple gets in a fight people will jump to conclusions about who did what instead of asking a simple how do you feel about it, zero empathy, i want to help but in my terms. No, empathy is when you have the capacity to help in the suffering one needs and desires not yours, it's not about you.

Don't you dare saying to somebody how they made you feel as they will make it about them and take it as an offense when they could just have an aha moment and say i am sorry in fact this is what I ment or i am sorry but this is how i think, or I am sorry i didn't realize.

If as a man you know what you want and you meet a woman and she tells you from the first night I wanna fuck you but you refuse as you want a relationship a family, immediately you will be labeled stupid even by other women. Excuse me for not wanting fun but wanting to feel a connection and to build something. The same applies the other way around.

If you want to talk about the future and make plans for the future you are either in a hurry or you don't live in the moment. Yolo in your 20's is cool as in your 30's and above is sad.

If you want to share about your past and what triggers you, oh well you guessed, you live in the past you are not over something and you don't live in the moment. Tell me your traumas as i want to be your support not a step dancer on your past traumas, I'll tell you mine as i would like you to do the same. Avoiding this talks will just make 2 people involuntarily hurt each other and distance when they could have had the best story ever. There is a risk in doing this but let's start a relationship from the assumption that we have chosen the person in front of us and they will try not to hurt us.

Cheating is not cool. You cannot love 2 partners at the same time. Animals have animal instincts as us humans have something called emotional connection. If you want fantastic sex, search for the emotional connection not casual. Cheating has become so widely accepted that each person has it's own definition of it. From my perspective is so simple, if we kissed we are together till further notice and i will not entertain another person. If we had a fight I will not entertain another person till we talk. Simple. You are somewhere because you want to be, not because you need to be. When Ross said to Rachel ( characters from Friends) " we were o break" it was a joke, if you still feel something for the other person don't go around as like this you consume the energy that you could use in fixing your relationship. I get it the options are so many in our days, but connections are rare and once you found them you must nurture them not betray them as, guess what, you’ll in fact betray yourself.

People want just happiness and smiles, but people!!! life in 2 has sorrow moments also, they are the ones that create an indestructible bond not your smiles around a wine bottle. You want real it comes with good and bad, you want superficial you are lying to yourself and run from past traumas.

We throw I love you like lights in the dashboard of a bmw, this phrase has so much meaning it and we should use it only when we are ready to have a form of commitment. 

Work and fight people, stop running from a basket to another, they all have thier rotten apples.

Self confidence it's good, narcissistic traits are bad. Just because a lot of people want you it doesn't mean that they will appreciate you or that you are more valuable then others. Stay humble and let others praise you if it's the case. Being humble will allow people to get close, will allow people to praise you but if you are to busy praising yourself there will be no place for others to do it.

Recently I had my first yoga session ever and it was absolutely eye opening but more enlightening was the discussion with the guide at the end. I thanked him for the experience and we exchanged a few sentences after which he told me that he is surprised of the discoveries i've made on my own, he congratulated me saying that he needed years to realize some stuff through meditation that i have realized i don't know how 😬 but afterwards he continued that i should stay humble as it's a neverending road and only by letting my ego aside, loving and respecting others i will be able to go deeper and deeper. 

Stop yelling i am ok alone as this sounds i am not ok. We are social animals and we need others but most important we need a warm soul to kiss in the morning, call in the afternoon, hug in the evening and connect along our lives. Yes we can do everything on our own but along the road why do you live everything and gather so many experiences if you don't have somebody to share them with.

So yes congratulations dear society as you manged to cure yourself from love. The irony, we are smarter, more enlightened but more distant from the others.