dating

Dating or better said, trying to find someone.

For the past month, I have tried to write this post. Write, delete, write, keep it in draft, delete, write, and so on only because I was unsure if it would be ok to write about this. But then again I was never known for not expressing my point of view regardless of how extreme it was. Of course, I will stay true to myself and this is a general perspective without any finger-pointing.

Let's lay down the context. It's December and it seems the best moment to make a retrospective of 2023 or as I am looking at it now, the year In which I tried to find somebody, and trust me the struggle was real. The year started with a break-up 💔, been there and done that a few times in my life, and trust me nobody is dying from it. As spring came, flowers started to bloom so did I restart my dating journey. Step 1 installed the famous dating apps Tinder and Bumble. Step 2 started to go out and rediscover my forever love for art/culture/events and went from concerts to theater to movies to art exhibitions and so on. This time I was keen on never ever losing this side of mine. And this totaled to a stunning huge number of dates, on average 10 a month, maybe seems a small number but hey I have mirrors at home 😬. Before you jump to conclusions and judge continue reading.

Back to dating or try dating as I will go through every stage.

This stage is called THE DATING APPS and everything that follows.

The swiping effect. When you reach a certain age and hopefully the maturity that comes with it you start looking at other things than the pictures, like the bio, height, hobbies, and what they are looking for. Pictures, oh well you have the ones without any pictures of themselves like Tinder or Bumble it's Louvre and they put on display all the art that they can do with their phones, that's it when NFTs proved to be a total scam. Some of them have a bio in which they always say that they are private and that you should first create the connection without seeing the face. Damn, I didn't get the memo that we traveled back in time to the Mirc era and I don't think they got the memo that 90% of the communication is non-verbal, not to say that the chances for only written drops faster than a plane without engines. The funny is that they swipe based on pictures but you should imagine that the person who took the picture of that mountain/sunrise/sunset/ etc looks to your liking. For curiosity I have tried to be a fine art critic and swiped right but further it seemed I was too curious when after some words I proposed to exchange Instagrams and the reply was that I would better ask her out on a date if I am mature enough, huh 🥴🤪🥴🤪 yeah blind dates are so cool, NOT. Let's move on to those who have pictures, hopefully of themselves. And no bio but the expectation is that you will have an awesome opening line without knowing anything about her except those 2 pictures. I am not going to say anything about the ones who don't mention the height like me at 1.86 I want to go out on a date with her at 1.5 and for me to bend over like the grains in the wind when we talk or if it all goes well to start searching for some stairs or something for her to climb so that we can kiss. If you say this as a man you are a pig but all women look at the man's height 😉. And we started to have some very very original bios thanks to our lord ChatGPT, if you are not able to say something about yourself I highly doubt that we will be able to have a conversation. And moving on, without any grace, to that interesting section in which you should say what are you looking for but it seems that everybody is scared to clearly state what they want:

- long-term partner on Tinder and relationship on Bumble or even more serious Marriage - clear like your mum's windows on Christmas Eve. Almost nobody is using it and some friends told me that although this is what they want they don't state it because men don't want this, huh 🤪🥴🤪, dear, if he doesn't want this he will not and period it's not like he wants to change women like socks and you will be the one to change him 😂😂😂

- long-term open to short - halfway there or in translation I would want a relationship but if you're an ashole and we just have sex I am ok with it, no hard feelings. Ladies trust me when i am telling you that this sounds like a lie to me because I like it. A small part of the women uses this one.

- short-term open to long - starting to make sense, I want sex and if it's good it would be nice to see if we can build together. A smaller part of the women uses this one.

- short-term fun on Tinder and something casual on Bumble - congratulations 🎉👏🎉, you know what you want and you are not scared to say it. Even a smaller part of the women use this one.

- new friends - ok, I respect that but I don't understand why do you expect me to ask you out or for me to pay? I don't kiss my friends and when we go out we pay Dutch. And why does it bother you if I talk about other women this is something I talk about with my friends. Confusing. A significant part of the women uses this.

- still figuring out, on Tinder and don't know yet on Bumble- the sad non-wish that the majority uses. Really at 30+, you don't know what you want? At least you know how to tighten your shoes? What do you know? Aaaaa depends on the men? Then why should I know what I want or like in my case, I know what I want, why should I go out with you if you don't know what you want? Or it's an open invitation to I am down to anything but I am too ashamed to admit it? It's like pulling down at the gas station and when the boy there asks you for diesel or Benzin? You answer still figuring out.

The chatting effect. Let's assume you successfully swiped your way and you start chatting. Here it gets a bit confusing if you ask for details like whether are you single or height you are superficial. If you exchange a few lines and it goes well and you propose to exchange phone numbers and hear each other you are a pervert and god knows what you might do, block function is hard to use. If you dare to ask for Instagram so that you see more than one picture then you are invading her personal space if it doesn't go well it's impossible to hit the remove follower button. And if you jump too fast to let's date you are too pushy or if you don't ask her out soon enough then you are not serious but more in the next section.

This stage is called FIRST DATES

If you are in an active dating process it gets a bit hard to date everybody for a coffee or dinner, you do the math and how much you should earn a month to afford this. If you are a man it's self-explained that you will pay. Side note here that it's a form of respect if you as a woman show your intention to pay and he as a man politely refuses ;) Just think that like this you have a vetting process for both of you in which the man shows that he is a gentleman and the woman shows that she doesn't take him for granted. In the process of active dating, both sexes go on average at the same number of first dates per month as the men do. On a first date, you get to actually know each other, remember the percentage of a conversation that is non-verbal? exactly. If you click you go on a second date and there you have the start of something. If you super click then at the end of the date you kiss and you really get things going. Simple and short this chapter as it's actually the most straightforward stage. I will continue with what's going on after another stage.

This stage is called OUT

Yes, I called it out when in fact I should call it CLUB. People always say that you should look in other places or the right places for the right person but let me tell you my 2 cents on this. Grocery shopping? really now who gets all dressed up when they go to the market and how does it sound when you are at the tampons section when a man comes and says "So it's that time of the month?" Or you are at the meat section and he comes up and says "Grilled or you mix it with something?" Or you are the precooked section and he comes up and says " So are you just lazy or don't know how to cook?" Or you are at the sweets section and he comes up and says "A sweet moment in the mouth an eternity on the hips?" Or you are at the vegetable and fruits section and he comes up and says "This peach looks done, I bet it's juicy also?" Yep, I overreacted on the pick-up lines just to prove a point that the chances are slimmer than a toothpick. Theater or movies? i actually went to a few of these alone and trust me no woman comes alone. On the rest of the occasions, you are with your friends and she is with her friends also I would like to remind you that it's not nice to talk in the middle of a movie or theater play :) Ok, you see her and she catches your attention, and then on that semi-dark corridor on the exit you follow her and her friends, not psycho at all, and you stop her and ask "So what do you think about the play/movie?" really? who does that? If somebody did it please excuse me but I don't have the amount of madness/courage/creativity to do this. So we end up in a CLUB, a coffee shop, or a restaurant it's not even nice to interrupt somebody when they are talking with their friends or eating and say to them "Hey, you are cute i would like to know you better". Aaaaaa you have the at-work option also for those who work with customers or in a corporation otherwise bad luck. CLUB it is and this moves us to a separate stage filled with personal experiences :)

This stage is called ALCOHOL

Alcohol because it's the magic that relaxes everybody and too much some of the people. I must mention here that I totally condemn rude approaches as I saw a lot of them from men to women, they start kissing afterward but hey I don't judge. Let's get back to my experiences this year. While sitting at the bar I got licked on the neck and asked if I wanna f***, when I replied that no because I was not looking just for fun I got called gay and impotent, go figure. Met somebody we clicked, we danced, we kissed, and then boom she asked if I wanna go back to her place to f*** as you can imagine I refused because I was not looking just for fun, she received it well by going to another guy at the bar pinched his ass and kissed him. Another one had the same flow but she tried the next evening again and when I refused again she stayed around for about 5 minutes just to search in what's app the middle finger emoticon to send to me and then to show it.  The conclusion is that this is not a good place either if you are a guy like me looking to meet somebody and build a relationship. I will include the hangover stage here as if you are by the sea in the summertime this short stage appears. Morning, when your head is double the size people forget that they came with somebody and they just chat with you and you risk or people forget that they saw somebody together with someone and they just approach them and again risk. People get upset and if you do this you are kind of a jerk and also the other person it's not so nice either.

I will continue in the next stage with some happenings that might as well fit in any of the above stages.

This stage is called CHAKRAS ALIGNED

I think this is the most suitable name for this stage as it sparked a lot of amusement within my friends' group. Why is this a stage? Because more and more people are going to therapy and after a few sessions they think they hold the supreme secret to life, newsflash should be an ongoing process of working with yourself first of all and if needed going to therapy also. Then you have the ones that go to retreats locally or abroad and as 90% of these are total scams you can imagine the results. Sidenote on the masculinity retreats, damn boy (i cannot call you a man) so you tell me that you need to walk on burning coals to become a man, how about stop taking money from your parents?  So you tell me that you need to run in your underwear in the woods to become a man, how about stopping living with your parents? So you tell me that you need another man to tell you how to treat a woman, how about being respectful first of all? and so on. Dude use that money to buy and read some books, go to some therapy. How about stopping cheating and thinking that your role on this planet is to reproduce and hence you can do it every time you want a woman needs 9 months you will do it because you are fulfilling your cosmic purpose. what the biggest F*** possible. A man isn't defined by his body count, his car, or the size of his account and what he owns but by his manners, character, and loyalty. If a woman is judging you based on this then trust me that you cannot build anything with her. A couple that stands the trial of time is a couple that has values, principles, and common objectives, a team. Sex is everywhere. chemistry is rare. Ok got serious let's get back to the funny stories.

Story 1, matched on a dating app talked, clicked, and decided to move the conversation on the telephone. The second sentence already told me that I have an amazing aura and that I have an extraordinary energy that surrounds me, she continued by explaining that she knows how these things work because, for the past 3 years, she has gone yearly for a 1 one week retreat in Bali and then for a 1-week private session retreat with a Buddhist monk. In my mind I was curious already but scared as hell. We continued to talk after this and reached a point about relationships what we want from life and how a relationship should work. Here I shared about my divorce and some previous experiences and she did the same mentioning that all quality men can be found in the high-class locations and that the rest are poor bastards who don't have any inner value. Gush, the arrogance, but she was amazed that every time she got cheated and I naively replied that maybe you had the wrong evaluation criteria, moment where she snapped telling me that she knew from the Buddhist monk how to choose the proper partner and have an amazing relationship. It seems the dude didn't know too much as she was single like the scarecrow in the middle of a cornfield. And again naively I asked how can a monk who made a celibate vow give relationship advice as this is something strange to him. Bigger snap and 30 minutes later from the start of our conversation she told me that i have an awful aura and that it's a pitty of my energy as i have a low vibration. Made me think.

Story 2, met in the club by the sea, clicked, kissed, met the second night, kissed more started something. The next weekend we met and we spent the weekend together and she told me that actually she just come back from a 2-week retreat in Bali and that she knew how to channel her energies and and that she had become an expert in tantra and so on. Naive as always when it comes to this area we continued to date. Palosanto burned to fix the energy and a lot of nervous breakdowns from her side when I was saying calmly what bothered me or toxic jealousy directed at me while she was spending a lot of time with her ex and I was just saying that doesn't seem ok, but I assumed that this is how palosanto works, it takes the devil out. Thank the all mighty it ended with a long discussion in which she lighted a joint stating that this is normal and that since she discovered weed and meditation she discovered the motivation in life.

Story 3, at the seaside, hangover morning stage reference, I was alone enjoying breakfast and the morning coffee when a girl pulled a chair and took a sit at my table. Stunned I said oh well seaside vibe everybody is relaxed so I introduced myself trying to understand what was going on. We had a short polite general chat after which she told me that her friend really likes me, felt like John Travolta in that meme where he looks around and nobody, that was me. I asked her where is her friend and very relaxed she said that she was on her way there, continued asking if they had seen me the night before in the club or anything like that and she replied no so I asked how does she know that her friend likes me and she replied that she knows. By now you are probably asking yourself if I was crazy for staying or if she was crazy, all I know is that I was already curious to see where this goes :) collecting funny stories to tell when I am old. The friend arrived, she was very nice-looking, introduced myself and we started talking general simple stuff when after a couple of minutes out of a sudden she told me to hand her my hand. Done deal :), and she started telling me that she has her personal priest with whom she talks weekly and that he told her that that month she will meet the man for her and that I have an extraordinary aura ( this is starting to repeat I know) and also that my name is the same like her father so this is a sign and that a year before she was in a retreat where she learned how to feel and evaluate somebody's energy by holding their hand. As I heard this one before I was like OK OK this makes sense you need to touch to critically evaluate and this is where the other girl in the past got it wrong. She started saying that my energy was awesome and so attractive ( this was not the candid camera) and that we should go to the nudist area and wait for the sunset and then we would go to the room where we would make love like never before in our life. It was time for me to pull the plug on this and run but something inside me told me that I should tell her something, as the entire time I didn't say even a word, before running scared so I slowly pulled my hand back (i need it for driving, eating and situation was dangerous) and started talking. I felt it was nice from my side to tell her that she should be a bit reserved in saying stuff like this and that first, she should allow the person in front of her to talk a bit like this she will find out how he is and so on. I also told her that a lot of men would take advantage of a situation like that just shut up have sex and mind their day and it would be a pity for her to be taken advantage of her beliefs and ideas. My intuition was right she jumped standing and told me that it was a pitty of my energy which is awesome but I have a low vibration (again damn vibration). I deemed it proper to make a small joke and said that the moment I get home I'll buy a diapason, she got really mad and screamed that what the BIP is that. After I tried to explain she told me about her job and that she earns a lot of money and she is not stupid, i remained shocked at how she jumped there but I was grateful to the Big Bearded Guy up in the sky as she left and I was safe.

The stories might sound funny but actually, they are sad as they represent a bigger and bigger portion of our society in which people run from looking deep inside and making meaningful changes and they prefer to run towards all sorts of activities and fake spiritual leaders. I don't laugh about spirituality as I respect it and take it very seriously but people should understand that they should work with themselves and that social empathy and manners make them better human beings in society and not being selfish or choosing loneliness while judging all the people of being stupid because you are "enlighted". 

It's already late in the night and I feel I have covered all the aspects of 2023 in dating so I will close now with the note that I prefer to look at this year: filled with stories that I have to tell when I am old.

not so boring

There are so many ideas about how life is or it shoud be. We attract what we truly want, we pay for sins from past lifes, we project in the universe what we want and so many more. In my case i think i repeated so much the quote from David Bowie (" I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring ") that it unvails every day in such a not boring way. Or after a few funny short stories you could say that the world is in fact so small.

Just to prepare the stage I never cheated, I am loyal as fuck and with all this what i projected was the opposite from ladies that started a relationship with me while they were in another relationship or they cheated along the way. I was raised by two extraordinary strong women and from here i can honestly say that i have a huge respect for women in general meaning never ever have I been violent in any way with a woman up to the point that i avoid cursing in their presence also. I dated a lot of girls and ladies along my life and i got involved with only a few in relationships, and there I was present with all my heart. But this is not about my values but about some funny stories.

Another point to be laid down from my perspective is that cheating starts with the intention, man shoots his shoot, the woman can politely refuse mentioning she is not interested or even saying she is in a relationship; if she is not doing this and she entertains the conversation boom there you have it, cheating. Also ignoring it is sort of a I am going to keep this door on my radar who knows. Clear communication equals loyalty anything less or more not. The same applies vice versa.

My last ex cheated on me with the same dude that my first love cheated me 19 years ago. The moment i realised this i laughed for 2 hours straight, just imagine the irony. Then in my pure style of making fun of what hurts me I was thinking to contact him and tell him "dude, how does it feel to be the downgrade" or " dude, I am sorry that 19 years ago i didn't warn you but this time this is what you are walking in to" but I realized that i was a bit drunk and more than sure he wouldn't laugh at my jokes. The funny part is that both times he saw me and maybe he doesn't remembers me but bro stop following me.

Along 3 relationships we were constantly bumping in to a dude in the city and he was every time looking, winking or even coming up to them when i was going to the restroom. In all fairness a pretty handsome dude but as it seems with no respect or morals. As you can imagine the 3rd was the lucky one, meaning she smiled back friended on Instagram and the rest is history.

Most of the relationships had an ex who cheated still present in their life in a way or another because he was an extraordinary person. I get it but if you want to build something with me why should i constantly see him?

The relationship, she was already in the parallel universe and when it became to much for her the decision was to acuse me of cheating. Something like i didn't it garlic and my breath doesn't smell.

People lie, people cheat and that's on them. You should keep a positive mindset and always talk nice to them and about them as the way you act says things about you. At times they will insult your intelligence and don't admit the wrong doing but i really think it's hard to tell yourself the truth, admit to it and still have a good opinion about yourself. This is the characteristic of people who worked and still work with them, they are the ones who will take responsibility for their wrongdoings and try to fix them and they should get second chances as for the others they focus on themselves and don't even think about what they are doing to others.

Be good, spread love and i promise you that someday you will be appreciated.

all for a feeling

All for a feeling, most of it i am referring to that feeling but for the sake of making a point I will talk about other feelings also.

I think that nobody no longer wants the feeling as it's uncertain and besides the greatest joys it can generate the greatest sufferings also, so they turn their heads towards rational thinking. You have some that use it but they no longer value it and therefore they take it easy and honestly i don't think it does any justice to a feeling that is so deep and generates so many wonderful sensations.

A great romanian writter once said " to love means to suffer and how many people run from suffering, few people know how to love" - Emil Cioran.

Most people have one disappointment in love and that's it, I don't minimize the potential trauma, they decide that is better to build an incredible high wall around their soul and they treat everything with reason. People have an incredible fear of feelings worse than any horror movie.

Don't you dare express your feelings in this world as you will be misunderstood and judged for it. Real power of a human being is to love, to express that love and to act in accordance with that love. I remember when i was in a short relationship and she was constantly telling me to open up and be vulnerable, I felt like it and I did so, you can guess what happened next, she disconsidered my feelings the second i opened and she told me I am to weak 🤣🤣🤣 ending our relationship on the reason that i feel to much generally and she believes in reason not feelings. Not confusing at all. 

We no longer have relationships as this is a label that nobody wants, it's a too strict term that assumes loyalty and dedication and we are not ready for this so therefore we have situationships. The next time I will be in a situationship and we will meet one of friends I'll introduce her: x she is my situation y. Can you believe the level of lack of assume we have?

You go to a club and you meet a woman and after a few drinks you end up kissing, towards the end of the night as a gentleman you tell her that you like her and you would want to get to know her and that you will not fuck that night, the answer is "ok bye" or " are you serious? Because i want to fuck you now” and a tone of laughs afterwards. You also have a segment which will say that they appreciate because they think about the image they leave but without any intention of seeing you the next few days. This is from my happenings and I am sure that good women find themselves in this type of situations also.

Never make love with with a person that wanted you for a night.

I am a firm believer that sex is awesome and it becomes a pleasant experience when you have a connection. Not to say after you fall in love and you can't get enough of that person, that's when the magic happens. Sex is something fantastic but it needs a connection, trust and feelings in order to be fantastic. And we reach the same point, people are affraid of feelings so they decide to reduce themselves to the animal level (I am offending the animals here) and they have meaningless sex as a sport hiding behind the line " I have needs". So fucking sad to fuck just to fuck.

At a certain point in life I was going through a heart breaking period after a break up and I was constantly thinking about her and trying to find ways to get in touch with her and talk and get back together. I relied on some of my friends to listen to me and maybe calm my soul somehow, they simply couldn't understand me as they were applying 100% reason to everything I was expressing from my heart. I think it's sad that we all gave up on encouraging the hearts and we talk only mind to mind and not soul to soul. I understood their approach as you see people nowadays when they have see other people who follow their hearts it's strange, this is not something that you see too much nowdays.

I said many times before and i cannot stress this enough people no longer have empathy, no longer listen. If you dare tell somebody how you felt in a certain situation they will make it about them and transform it in a conflict or they will throw all the stones in their pocket at you saying that you have unhealed trauma. If you are honestly giving some compliments or express your feelings they will say it's bullshit. If you talk people no longer listen with their heart but with their mind and while you are talking in fact they imagine what you are saying and they are preparing their answer. People no longer apologize for their disrespect or wrongful doing and they preffer to say that you have issues. It's easier to run from our own feelings and look deep inside, we embrace the I am healed and self love attitude as it is imposed to admit us with us that we have been a shitty person in some situations.

It blows my mind the so many ways in which people are running away from their own feelings and therefore they also don't offer.

We don't communicate, we don't try, we just cheat or go away and we sell ourselves lies that we are good people instead of admiting the mistake and trying to be better next time. Very fast we will find somebody else and we will repeat the same cycle on and on till we will realize that what we really need in this life is the feelings.

Honestly I am full of scars and I would have been entitled to close and not show any feeling of any kind but I constantly make a conscious decision to believe in my heart and to respect what she feels. For sure I am not perfect and i fall victim to my own fears but i am constantly trying to keep the heart open and to listen it.

Respect the feeling dear people, let it fil your body with all the amazing reactions, stop living in reason. I don't say to ignore all form of reason but find your own ballance between the two and live, live with passion. Buy flowers, say i love you, be happy, make plans, have fights, be sad, be disability get back together, forgive and love harder, break up, wait a short wile (if you didn't consume your grieving while being there) that find somebody else with more feeling. Never betray your heart, she cannot handle disappointment from you, she'll always survives disappointment from others.

The universe loves a stubborn heart.

I still believe in love and I run towards it with all my courage and all my fears. Give your all and always try harder as you have huge walls in front of other hearts that need breaking. I still believe in the goodness of the heart of so many people and the barriers of their mind-reason and their ego. 

You are always one step away from a great love or a great disappointment, have the courage to take that step.

giv(er)

In a world where everyone is focused on individual freedom I choose to dream about freedom in two. I understand that love is freedom and not a prison. Because, you see, opening your soul and mind gives you first of all courage to do things you never thought you will do, it gives you wings of confidence. When you choose to love openly and honestly despite any potential outcome that your fears see, despite any outside comments, despite the posibility that it will not be reciprocated, despite the posibility that it will be wellcomed with a harsh reaction, and so on, in fact you will give and by giving you will actually feel good. Yes I agree that sometimes you will feel at your worst and might even hit a very bad depression but this is just a possibility, the chances are always 50-50. When you offer your love and compassion first of all it's your choice and when you offer it, it makes you feel better and you have a 50-50 chance of answer. You can never know. You don't smile because you want people to smile back, it would be nice but that's about them. You shouldn't say "I love you" because you want to hear it back, it would be extraordinary but in fact you say it because that's what you feel and by simply saying it your body already filled with a bunch of crazy feeling good hormones. By giving you are in fact giving to yourself waiting for the positive outcome, and that only intensifies to incredible heights the feeling good state. 

While transitioning to the dark side I think it's mandatory to understand that there is a very thin line here. 

You must, and it's a baseline requirement, pay attention to others needs also. The sense of fulfilment it's acquired by being useful, and you can be useful by giving also what is needed and required. I dare to deep dive and provide a couple of examples. A dentist who chosen his career path out of passion will feel fulfilment when he is helping a pacient by giving them what they need not what he wants. A good mechanic it's the one that does his job out of passion and will fix the problem you have with your car and sees other problems the car might have, despite a bad one who will start trying to convince you that you need a new paint or a tunning and so on. You are in a relationship and you both come from work after a long day one of you might need a long hug while the other might need a long kiss, between 2 people there is a delicate dance of putting your partner needs above yours, but if she needs a hug? Give that hug don't give her a tap on the back because that's what you want to give. I know all this stuff it's hard to be done when you are going through a hard period but take a stept back, take a break, calibrate, think about what you feel for the other and try harder and better. Like the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side becuase they water it.

Reaching the dark side, don't play the saint card because we all have it. Good people do bad stuff also, just so you know in case nobody said it. I think what makes a person better is admitting and coming to peace that he did something bad and trying to fix it and learning not to ever do it again and that's why people need chances and feedback. It's commonly known fact that it's easier to do something bad than something good. Following the above, if you choose to give only what you want (thin line again, there's a difference between what you want - the brain, and what you can - the heart) instead of what is needed you are more likely to be selfish as you are only satisfying your need to give and you don't care about the need to be received on the other end. You want to do something nice for someone and in your way home you decide to stop by the candy store and buy something sweet for them, till here is your need, choosing to buy a random cookie or the cookie they like it's the difference between caring about their needs also or not. A complete circle gives maximum joy to both participants. Deviated a bit, we all have moments when we feel attacked and up to a certain point you can face it with kindness (depending on how much you worked with yourself) but from that point we start attacking also, and that's the key to a total shitstorm from which some recover or some give up. It's normal to have this, we all need to learn how to fight, when you reach the boiling point take a break, breath and open your mouth with kindness. I know, I know it's hard but this is a constant in life and we need to learn how to navigate through it. Let's attack the very worse of the worse, when you are suffering. All of us in stage one we are throwing all the blame on the other, the secret is to move in the next stage and try to understand what you did also that might have triggered all those reactions. I am not saying to take the blame on yourself, NO, i am just saying to look at the both sides of the story, there are always 2.  You will through shit and say mean things and some people will also do mean stuff (shitty ones) but you must move past this point and try to understand the process of action and reaction and how this happens in each mind based on his values, experiences and so on. In most of the cases people didn't do you wrong because they are bad, they did it because at that moment it's the only way they know how to respond. It's hard to take responsibility for some shit you did but it's the only way you can become better you as a human being. If in the process you are lucky enough to find a person who decides they want to do the same you will find yourself in the process of buidling a fantastic relationship, be it a romantic one or a friendship one.

Give, Receive and I hope you will choose to stay when everybody goes away. Trust me it's the shitiest advice possible if you judge with your mind but put some soul in to it and you will see unfold in front of you and inside you a brand new world filled with fantastic experiences. You will equally smile and cry and as a paradox this will make you feel both of them to the maximum, you can't have one without the other. 

sort of a confession

Let me tell you a few things. Let me tell you a few stories from a person who tried most of his life to find good people to surround himself with.

From the starters just to be clear this is more of a confession and I am not claiming any second that I am a good person but at least I am trying every day to be a better person and I tried all my life not to hurt other people the way I've been hurt, I never used applied on a person even if we were fighting the deepest fears and frustrations that they have once shared with me and every time I have tried to be as fair as possible and my biggest fear since forever was not so hurt anybody's feelings.

I've been in a relationship where the linkage point that made us connect was a similar past trauma. We've talked for nights and nights and nights and most of the time we were drinking more than a bottle of wine a night but we were lying to each other that it was ok. I realized the mistake but by that point, I already caught feelings and didn't want to mess up the connection as every time when I was a bit down or had any other thoughts she was telling me that she feels that she lost the connection with me, and me as a brave pawn in the great game of life I was jumping to try and reconnect. She was still keeping on social media pictures of her ex and most of her friends were calling her to give her updates about her exes' life. When I raised this point she instantly changed her attitude and told me that it was a part of her past and I have a problem if that bothers me. Now I am a part of her past and I am nowhere on her social media profile. At the beginning of our relationship, she was receiving flowers at her office and the funny thing was that it wasn't me so this was how I have founded out because the next time she told me after a while. Funny that she already kissed that guy so officially they were somehow in a relationship but she just left him for me. I know, lucky me why do I complain about this? well because if they did this for you they will do it to you also. But this and all other stuff I have swiped under the rug, my bad, thinking that love can conquer and fix everything. Towards our end, he chose to apply for break up the same strategy that I have told her I have suffered in the past just to tell herself a lie that she had empathy for me. She even used the most terrible line I have ever heard being told to me just to tell me that she is sorry she used it ( you'll find it out in the next mini-stories). Not even one week later she minded her life like nothing happened.

WAKE UP, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT LOVE !!!

NOTE: the idea of sharing your experiences and being vulnerable is to create in your relationship a safe space and to avoid hurting your partner, especially in a way they were hurt in the past. The idea is that like this you can better understand your partner because guess what we all have triggers.

In my teenage years let's just say that I was on the very wrong path in life, and at a certain point, I threw a huge new year party at my place with colleagues from high school and friends from my childhood hood. It turned out very very very bad with some outside people that came with the clear intention to kill me. My childhood friends hid around the apartment ( 2 rooms communist flat, so you can imagine that rats might learn hiding techniques from them) and high school colleagues just sat behind their girlfriends. My luck at the bellow floor my neighbors were having a party with a lot of people also and I asked for their help, they didn't understand my panicked voice and only two of them came here we were 3 people bair handed against 4 people with metal bars and knives in their hands. You can imagine who suffered? us, no surprise, and the full staircase from the second floor to the ground floor were full of blood and all windows were broken. In order to follow the timeline remember that I had a girlfriend at this time, my high school sweetheart, my first love, details follow. One of the guys that literally saved my life, he came and fought with me 8 or 9 years later he introduced me to somebody with whom I had some business opportunities, he called me and told me that if I made any money from the fact that he introduced me to that person he is entitled to 50% when I told him that he is joking he threatened my girlfriend and parents for the shitty amount of less than 300 EURO. During those years you can imagine how many times I have helped him and I will forever be grateful because I am stupid that way.

WAKE UP, FRIENDS WILL FUCK YOU UP SOONER OR LATER !!!

NOTE: a great friendship is not defined by time (how long we know each other), is not defined by the hardships we went through, or supported each other. I think friendship is defined by common values and principles, honesty, empathy, and common interests/passions. We evolve and if we evolve on totally different paths it's ok for relations to turn cold.

The girlfriend, well, not long after the event she started dating and kissing my oldest childhood friend. The same year my grand grand mother ( the woman that raised me) fell to bed and I was also helping in taking care of her. The girlfriend came back with tears in her eyes that she made a mistake and I forgave her because oh well everybody deserves a second chance, right? A few days before my birthday she dumped me telling me that I am sitting with her for her virginity and ran to the seaside well she had her first experience with a stranger. And even before her, I was the dude who was running from virgins as I never considered that to be a sign of masculinity. 

WAKE UP, LOVE is such a passing thing, and male friends will screw you for a potential girl!

NOTE: we mainly all start in life with an open heart and then stuff happens and most people darken their souls by each experience they go through yelling afterward " I am a strong beautiful person", BULLSHIT, you are strong if you pass through shit just like all of us but on the other side you still have an opened good heart ;) otherwise, you will just act like an ass with all the next people that appear in your life. Furthermore, if people will confront you, you will put the magic blanket of Self Love and offend them more.

The next few years were a complete chaos of which I am not proud but I am proud that I have changed my ways and I am way above all that shit. People with which I was sharing the same meal and all the burdens after my first trip abroad to work asked me for money under the pretext that that's what brothers do. Before my second departure when I was sitting with them and they reminded me that this time I should bring something and when I told them that they are crazy and that I need to start packing for the next day and we should close the party they threatened to kill me after I threw them out of the house they came back with some metal bars and tried to break in. the signs on my parents' apartment door remained there for more than 10 years.

WAKE UP, there is no such thing as BROTHERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER !!!

NOTE: the same as above regarding friendships and in plus I might add, choosing the right people around you it's a difficult task,  keeping and letting go of some of them it's even harder. But let me have a look at the people around you and there is a high chance you will do the same as them and you will look at life in the same way as them. I am not talking about the multitude of people that a person might know, I am talking about the closest ones, the ones with whom you spend most of the time. For example, if you are an entrepreneur and in your close circle are people who are not so friends with law and taxes. there is a high probability that you will not have a clean ship either. If you are in a relationship and everybody in your group is single that relationship will not be so long. If people in your group are engaged in relationships where they cheat and they have a rude vocabulary with their partners you will do the same as that is the standard of your bubble in which this is not something wrong. And so on. The idea is that if you want to evolve you need to break patterns, get out of your bubble, and find your spot in a bubble where you are challenged to be a better person in society not in your bubble.

After 3 years away from home I have experienced loneliness and sadness at its deepest and realized that what I want from this life is to have a decent life and to have a family. 3 years filled with way much more alcohol than you will drink in your entire life and experiencing all the possible drugs. One night I passed out in the parking lot, woke up, jumped on the scooter, and tried to get home just to fall several times along the road. When I woke up in the morning full of scratches I realized that this is not the life that I want. 

WAKE UP, any form of running will always intensify what your heart truly needs.

Came back home got a 9 to 6 job and 2 years later met, what seemed at that time, a good woman. First-year was shitty as she started the relationship with me while she was in a relationship with her ex and the dude loved her and had a hard time understanding what the fuck happened. He was just screaming for an explanation and only now after so many years I understand him. At the same time, one of her group friends was with another ex, a fucking asshole who the first time we met asked me how we fuck and it took all my patience not to punch him. At the same fucking time one of her best friends was fucking one of her exes and when I signaled this that was the end of our relationship right on my birthday because how can I dare state that this is wrong and what's my problem.

WAKE UP, you live in a world where everybody fucks everybody and that's super perfect and awesome.

NOTE: it's ok to try and date someone and realize that you don't fit but you are both decent human beings and you would better get along as friends. You never but never fuck with one of your friends' exes, people are not toys that you borrow from one to another, and then share details about the experience. Have some self-respect first of all and second of all if you consider that person a friend then offer the bare minimum RESPECT, if somebody does this and you are on the receiving end then for sure they are not your friend. If you just hook up with somebody and have sex once and you never had long conversations about intimate stuff, there was no relationship there, maybe maybe maybe later on in time maybe you can be like friends but not super close ones. If you were in a long relationship with somebody and shared intimate stuff and you know very close stuff about the other and you have memories together then for sure you cannot be friends. Why? because at the moment you broke up one of you suffered and one of you was ok, because when you broke up one of you had enough and the other wanted more; this applies to the people who sit at the table and they maturely realize that it's no longer working because even in this situation the one that proposes the talk wants to get out the other one was not ready yet he was just falling the script in front of them. People don't fall in love at the exact same time and they don't fall out of love at the exact same time. And yes you might ignore all this and be friends but if you plan on having another relationship just think how the new person will feel knowing that the person in front of them already knows everything about you, what you like what you don't like, know every inch of your body. You see when we enter a relationship and we fall in love we all want to be special to the person next to us because they are so special to us, we are excited every day about what we discover in that person their uniqueness their good parts, and their bad parts. Allthough we are aware that each one of us has a background we blindly ignore that in order to rejoice in the brand-new discovery journey. If a former special one (not just abasic ex but a special person) is there and constantly shares memories about your past together it closes doors for the new person it doesn't allow them to see your reactions in certain situations because somebody else is telling them that not even you. It closes the door to trying new things with you maybe even for the first time for them because they already find out from your former special one that you did that. Just to close the note it's like when you buy an SH car, it's new for you and you enjoy it and you discover the buttons and the maneuverability and you are enthusiastic about it, would you want the former owner to be there and tell you what every button do and to tell you hey if you go over 60 you will feel the kick down and that's when the experience it's awesome and so on? It's not about being jealous or not having self-confidence it's about loving someone and when you love someone you like to think that they are telling you the most beautiful I love you that they are trying some experiences with you for the first time and so on, although most probably it's not the case this is the beautiful dream of love and you don't want around a constant reminder that it's not the case.

2nd NOTE: A lot of people say that a man and a woman can't be friends and they are so wrong. We are basically animals and when 2 people first meet someone one of the two was attracted to the other but then they realize their connection it's a friendly one. Boom you can be friends. There's a catch here, you can see that person as a friend but do they see you the same, or if they would have the opportunity they would jump on it? There was an online trend at a certain point in which females and males were calling out of the bloom their opposing sex friends (while their partner was next to them) and they were telling them that they just realized that they should hook up and it was a mistake they didn't do it till now or that they should repeat it if they have history. How many of you have the courage to do such a test?

Getting back to the stories, the same girl came back half a year later and we got back together because I was still in love with her and during those months yeah I dated a few girls but I couldn't take it a step further (sex) with none of them. She proposed I said yes we got married, she cheated while accusing me of cheating took me through an emotional hell, forgave her, we tried and finally we divorced.

WAKE UP, LOVE without respect and loyalty it's nothing, and sooner or later it will not work. You cannot make people care for your feelings and to treat you with kindness by loving them more, you simply cannot.

Along the way, I've lost people that told me that they are my friends, that we are brothers, girls who told me they love me and in some cases, I had the capacity to open my eyes and tell them they are in a hurry to use big words while in other cases I jumped in and believed their words with all my heart. For more than 10 years I had a friend and who was constantly talking about what it means to be a man and about respect and it always sounded to me that we have the same values. You know that saying that if we are friends you will defend my name when I am not there? At a certain point, he made some new friends and the moment when I met them also came, it shocked me when after a few glasses they told me "Hey, you are really cool and smart, X told us a lot about you but from his stories, we thought that you are the stupidest person possible that you keep around to have somebody to make fun of", COOL. What did I do? well, I forgave and lied to myself that maybe he shared some funny stories in which we were both stupid and they got it wrong, after all, we were talking about one of my best friends that stood by me in some very hard moments of my life, a person with whom along the years I shared good and bad, food, businesses, true friends. Years passed and this type of scenario in which I was not feeling respected became more often till a certain point when I entered a relationship and just because he was not able to understand what's her job he started making fun that she is a cashier, I was able to digest anything but not respecting the person next to me is where I draw a line. The relationship with that girl was already at the end and when I confronted him about his lack of respect he told me that I am overreacting as that was a joke (a constant very rude one) and why does it matter as I am no longer with that girl. You can imagine I was not happy about the full situation and also about losing the girl but what hurt me the most was that as he left the room he turned towards me and he told me well, I am happy you broke up.

WAKE UP, RESPECT It's hard to come by, people will not respect you if you respect them.  No matter the relationship with somebody most of the people when you will tell them how their actions and words made you feel, they will make it about them ignoring that you came with calmness and just shared how they made you feel.

NOTE: if somebody comes with calm and tells you with details how your actions or words made them feel it means that they still trust you, it means that they want to repair the situation, it means that they love you, it means that they don't want to lose you, it means that they just feel hurt and they want you to know and eventually telling them that you are sorry, it means that inside their brain and soul, they already found an excuse for your wrongdoings. It doesn't mean that they attacked you, it doesn't mean that they accused you of anything, it doesn't mean that they are frustrated, it doesn't mean that they have past issues that they didn't fix. Respond with calm and love and warmth just like they came towards you if you still value them as a person otherwise just be a decent human being and shut up and then move on. The same applies to couple relations and if only people would be capable of not making it about them like the narcissists that they are (sorry, self-love experts) we would have more pleasant and strong relationships.

I was in a relationship where I instantly felt a connection the moment I met her. Everything seemed too good to be true till the first actual face 2 face date where she talked more about one of her exes than about her, ignored and put it in the context of the stories finding a normality in this. The second date came and the dude called her and again I heard stories about him and his life, ok I understood that they are friends now he has some issues and she is a good friend being there for him. She assured me and told me that I have nothing to worry about and she even planned a dinner with him where stories unfolded about their past relationship, you can imagine that from that point my attitude changed but decided to approach the issue the moment I was calm and I was able to explain it. Said and done, it seemed that the discussion worked out well although my disappointment was there and I was still feeling uncomfortable about it so I tried talking a bit about my past in order to better explain where I am coming from and why some situations are triggers and I need her to navigate together with me beyond this type of situations but she was not opened to listen to it and changed the topic saying that the past doesn't matter and just the present. This was making so much sense to me but it remained with me how does my past doesn't matter but she can share and carry around her past. The decision was to handle this with love and patience as this is what people need to let go of certain things or to realize stuff about them and make their life better for them not for the other. Things went well from that point till the first fight in which as I was not yet clear with everything I decided to walk away instead of answering back with aggressiveness. Bad call I admit, oh well I am not perfect, and just like every human being I have my fair share of mistakes and shitty moves. Admitted my mistake, apologized for a few days, and tried to get into a conversation with her, but no luck. She decided to go out in the club and just because my friends were there she expected that I will be there also, I wasn't, she decided to entertain herself and to talk to some guys in the club that were hitting on her. The next day I was there also and we got back together but when I told her about the guys she talked with she answered that she was single so what is the issue. Fair point somehow although just before the fight she told me "I love you" and I really don't think love works that way. From that point, this situation without being discussed changed my attitude and I was constantly searching for the moment and for a way to open the topic again but in a calm manner because love was there from my side and I didn't want to offend or hurt her also just because I was feeling hurt. I didn't find the best method and this offended her a lot and she decided to walk away. We talked and talked and talked, well actually she talked talked talked making me the bad guy and I was just trying from point to point to repeat the same few things that bothered me and saying every time that they are fixable if we talk about them. One night we talked and reached a calm point and ended up hugging and falling asleep together and 2 days later she told me that she misses me and after 2 days later she told me that she is with somebody else. It ended.

WAKE UP, people don't put the same value into "I love you" as you do.

NOTE: I am the strongest supporter of doing and saying what your heart feels and being as authentic as possible. At the same time, I really think that this comes with a responsibility, the responsibility of our words and actions and the impact it has on the ones around us. There are a lot of saying around this but probably the best one is " Don't do to another what you wouldn't like to be done to you".

CLOSING LINE

Lessons learned or not. The first half of this year was absolutely horrible for me but I realized that despite all the stuff that I've been through throughout my life ( many many more than the short above stories, stories which were depicted and changed as I don't want to hurt anybody) I have always had my heart opened and offered everything like nothing ever hurt me. I have treated every person that came along with respect and love and fairness, if I didn't feel the connection I didn't advance because I always said that I will break the cycle every time and I will never hurt other people like others hurt me. I always believed that LOVE is the strongest force in the universe and it's the only thing that I can give to a potential partner or my friends. Loyalty and empathy were the fundaments of all my actions every time beyond any conflicts as I always thought that solutions come from these values with a sprinkle of love. 

The world would be a better place if we would all be considerate (this includes kindness, empathy, love, respect, and so on) with everybody around us as we never know what internal fights each of them has and one good/wrong gesture or word might be the courage to keep going or the closing chapter. 

For the time I am congratulating the new world with all their self-love raised to the selfishness level, I cannot fall in your lines. You won, I am tired and I need some rest for my soul, all my love and good intentions (sometimes wrongly shown but with a clean heart) have hit way too many walls and have been used for the wrong purposes way too many times, this was never a reason for quitting and it never should be. Thank You and Congratulations!

congratulations

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 You, yes you, you made it.

You might now question yourself, what did i do? Well let me get you my 2 cents on it.

You managed to form a society that has no more values, no more aspiration, no more love, no more empathy, no more nothing that was good and pure.

Everybody runs in their race of self discovery but they forget the fact that they are part of a society and would benefit them tremendously if they would also bent their mind and soul in trying to discover the ones around them.

Self love misunderstood in which is risen to the vanity level, selfishness cum lauda. People care only about themselves and they no longer care if their words or actions hurt other people as long as it makes them feel good. There is no place for others emotions as they are considered drama, there is no more empathy for others hurt as it is considered bad for their energy. 

Not a very long time ago I had a bad depression episode. Yes, guess what? Depression is real and I am no longer ashamed to say that I have suffered from it and that I am still battling a serious part of it. Life gave me some serious hits in the beginning of this year and it was so hard for me to find somebody to just listen without judging. Everybody jumped to conclusions and served me with their own interpretation of my situation although i was laying on a silver plate everything that was going on. And yes i understand you have your own shit going on but if we pretend that we are friends at least have the common sense and let me know that you can help me, I would have respected that, instead of hurting me even more. If somebody trusted you at a moment in their life to tell you their biggest sufferings never but never use those against them, pay attention.

Everybody is taking the crown of " I am healed" like it's a race of who heals faster. Like DMX ( 90' rapper) was saying "to live is to suffer", it's clear that all of us been through some serious shit but you must live and try everyday to be better, to admit you have some rotten apples in your basket but it's you basket, don't be ashamed of it. If you really want a shot at love and happiness be ready to be vulnerable as vulnerability means you are strong and it will atract what's meant for you. I really pray for you. Stop running, face it brace for impact and magic will happen.

People are demonizing jealousy, I am talking about a healthy dose that we all have if we truly care about a person, and they will turn it 180 saying that you have trust issues when in fact you have a history, you don't trust the people around them and so on. We want love but a cold distant one without to much emotion involved as that might lead to suffering and it's scary.

If a couple gets in a fight people will jump to conclusions about who did what instead of asking a simple how do you feel about it, zero empathy, i want to help but in my terms. No, empathy is when you have the capacity to help in the suffering one needs and desires not yours, it's not about you.

Don't you dare saying to somebody how they made you feel as they will make it about them and take it as an offense when they could just have an aha moment and say i am sorry in fact this is what I ment or i am sorry but this is how i think, or I am sorry i didn't realize.

If as a man you know what you want and you meet a woman and she tells you from the first night I wanna fuck you but you refuse as you want a relationship a family, immediately you will be labeled stupid even by other women. Excuse me for not wanting fun but wanting to feel a connection and to build something. The same applies the other way around.

If you want to talk about the future and make plans for the future you are either in a hurry or you don't live in the moment. Yolo in your 20's is cool as in your 30's and above is sad.

If you want to share about your past and what triggers you, oh well you guessed, you live in the past you are not over something and you don't live in the moment. Tell me your traumas as i want to be your support not a step dancer on your past traumas, I'll tell you mine as i would like you to do the same. Avoiding this talks will just make 2 people involuntarily hurt each other and distance when they could have had the best story ever. There is a risk in doing this but let's start a relationship from the assumption that we have chosen the person in front of us and they will try not to hurt us.

Cheating is not cool. You cannot love 2 partners at the same time. Animals have animal instincts as us humans have something called emotional connection. If you want fantastic sex, search for the emotional connection not casual. Cheating has become so widely accepted that each person has it's own definition of it. From my perspective is so simple, if we kissed we are together till further notice and i will not entertain another person. If we had a fight I will not entertain another person till we talk. Simple. You are somewhere because you want to be, not because you need to be. When Ross said to Rachel ( characters from Friends) " we were o break" it was a joke, if you still feel something for the other person don't go around as like this you consume the energy that you could use in fixing your relationship. I get it the options are so many in our days, but connections are rare and once you found them you must nurture them not betray them as, guess what, you’ll in fact betray yourself.

People want just happiness and smiles, but people!!! life in 2 has sorrow moments also, they are the ones that create an indestructible bond not your smiles around a wine bottle. You want real it comes with good and bad, you want superficial you are lying to yourself and run from past traumas.

We throw I love you like lights in the dashboard of a bmw, this phrase has so much meaning it and we should use it only when we are ready to have a form of commitment. 

Work and fight people, stop running from a basket to another, they all have thier rotten apples.

Self confidence it's good, narcissistic traits are bad. Just because a lot of people want you it doesn't mean that they will appreciate you or that you are more valuable then others. Stay humble and let others praise you if it's the case. Being humble will allow people to get close, will allow people to praise you but if you are to busy praising yourself there will be no place for others to do it.

Recently I had my first yoga session ever and it was absolutely eye opening but more enlightening was the discussion with the guide at the end. I thanked him for the experience and we exchanged a few sentences after which he told me that he is surprised of the discoveries i've made on my own, he congratulated me saying that he needed years to realize some stuff through meditation that i have realized i don't know how 😬 but afterwards he continued that i should stay humble as it's a neverending road and only by letting my ego aside, loving and respecting others i will be able to go deeper and deeper. 

Stop yelling i am ok alone as this sounds i am not ok. We are social animals and we need others but most important we need a warm soul to kiss in the morning, call in the afternoon, hug in the evening and connect along our lives. Yes we can do everything on our own but along the road why do you live everything and gather so many experiences if you don't have somebody to share them with.

So yes congratulations dear society as you manged to cure yourself from love. The irony, we are smarter, more enlightened but more distant from the others.

just be real

No, I am not talking about the app allthough ig i stay and think about it, the app idea is pretty cool as encourages people to be real. Scary, huh?

Getting back to the topic at hand I couldn't find a better title to fit what is on my mind and will be written in the following rows.

It seems I am the weird one as I am having troubles in understanding the general behaviours these days.

Why when you meet someone new they say that they are single allthough they are already dating someone, kissing someone, sleeping with someone? If by any chance you find out or they give themselves out the answer is always it was nothing serious. Allthough if you weren't interesting enough they would have continued to see and all that with the same person. But no they weren't in a relationship they were just discovering that person and hey you seem better. I think that avoiding to label something as a relationship gives the people the moral freedom to cheat without cheating because hey i wasn't in a relationship. Sounds complicated but it's so real nowadays.

Normalize dating someone, only one person and if you don't vibe on the first date let them know without keeping them as a backup plan because you are afraid of being lonely, aaa sorry you are curious.

Normalize dating someone and if you feel you are emotionally unavailable let them know, they shouldn't suffer the consequences of your life bad choices. We are not here to use people but to be kind and considerate.

Why when you ask someone when was their last relationship they throw bullshit like 1 or 2 or even 3 years ago like all the rest of persons they slept in that perriod didn't even exist and we should believe that they were waiting for that one person. Hahaha. Everybody reffers to their last meaningful connection ignoring all the rest even if sometimes they said to those unworthy of mentioning that they love them.

And this takes me to the next point, stop using words like playing cards. If you don't really feel it stop telling people that you love them. Stop telling people that you don't want to loose them if the next day you dump them. Stop telling people how important they are to you if the next day you're cheating. How can you loose your feelings overnight? You're no Cinderella and true feelings are not a shoe that you loose at midnight. Shut up, have patience and say it only if you mean it.

Stop being a fake friend, say when something is wrong or the other is doing something wrong. Don't encourage stupidness. And if people offer you the same hold them close like crazy. Take distance from people that always agree with you, those are the people who will exult in your misery.

Social media is fake and if you are not aware of this I think you have some severe problems. Stop thinking that you know people, their life or what they are going through based on their posts. Take a second to realize that the one posting is controlling the narrative and they are posting only what they are comfort other to see or know, that's not their entire reality. In the past 5 months I've been through 1 old friend suicide, a break up, 2 deaths within my family plus several other several shitty events and now you tell me if you considered me happy, was I? Or if you considered me sad, for what reason exactly? You don't know me and if you want to know me just ask me and trust me that applies to all of us.

You're not watching TV anymore because they show you a distorted reality but you take the reality from social media, it's exactly the same thing. When you meet some new people due to a context or a new relationship all those people will be in a hurry to follow and like you and right the moment you exit that context they will stop interacting with you. I am asking you why do it in the first place if you don't like that person. Be real, if i like you i like you till i don't like you anymore. But is so incredible fake to like someone becuase they are in a close by context and you just want to be nice. If you support your friends or acquaintances businesses, hit that like button, hit that share button and most important buy their products or services, otherwise just shut up and don't tell them that you support them because you are just fake.

I know i said it before more detailed but I will repeat myself very briefly, if you still keep pics of your ex all over the place you are not over them or the situation so stop telling yourself that you keep them because it's part of your past and that's who you are. There is only a part of your past there, so do please share your entire past.

In this note i am thinking for my birthday to post pictures with all my exes as a social experiment and see who will want to date me accepting my past. I'll think about it, just in case i decide to do this watch my accounts, it will be interesting.

P.S. I have included here opinions from several women and men that have wrote to me.

alone? strong? question it

Mid of the week and I decided to take me out for a dinner. Don't jump off your couch and clap as this is not normal and no this isn't self love, this isn't being strong, this is just a men who misplaced his heart, he was hungry and decided to go out. 

It's ok and to have you time and it's a must in every stage of your life but never say that you are ok alone. The human is a social creature and our place is with others, with a lover in front of us / next to us or with friends, that's when our soul feels with happiness, that's when we live. Be ok you with you alone but never for a long time and never say that you are just perfect like this, never poor concrete in the cracks of your soul as this will make it impossible for others to enter.

At a certain point a friend told me that i don't know how to be alone and happy. I know how to be alone and I know how to find some form of joy, i've been to theater alone, to a few concerts also alone and it's ok but not how it should be as in this mad world i have the courage to admit that somebody's missing, that all experiences are half experiences if you don't have somebody to share them with. As a young boy I worked completely alone abroad without anybody and trust me when i say it broke me but somehow I had the strength to come back and realize what i truly desire in life. So don't tell me about being alone as i can write a book about it.

Society todays yells that you should be ok alone and that you shouldn't let your happiness in others hands. Fake so fake, when you hit play to your favorite song aren't you leaving your emotions in the hands of the singer? when you go to a theater play or watch a movie aren't you leaving your emotions in the hands of the actors? when you read a book aren't you leaving your imagination and emotions in the hands of the writer? when you are having a spa day aren't you leaving your well-being in the hands of the masseuse? and the list could continue forever. The idea is that if i leave you completely alone in the middle of nowhere without anything you'll not be ok, you'll not be happy. I repeat be ok alone but never settle for this and never say that you are happy alone. And if you do find yourself saying this quickly reach out to somebody otherwise you will poor concrete on the outside cracks but inside something will be missed forever and this will bite you when you least expect it.

Choosing to be alone it's not strength it's fear and if somebody is there reach out to them and fight like crazy to help them even if you think you will loose a friend as you are saving a soul. You see, if you love somebody, a partner or a friend you will always wish and do everything in your power to help. As a well known comedian in RO said: love is when you don't matter anymore. Let that sink a bit and think if you want what's best for somebody conditional as long as they are in your life or you just want what's best for somebody perriod.

Society is in a hurry to praise a person that says they are ok alone and says they are working on themselves. They get pronouns as that's a strong person. I think this happens as deep down people don't know how to help and they better praise as their help will not be needed if that person does an extraordinary thing that they can't do. Seek perspective if you ask me. Due to same behavior of no involvement but fearful of losing a friend, when somebody goes through a trauma people say that person is strong and again transforms their suffering in to something to be admired. In my opinion if you are going through a trauma alone or with some help you are equally capable but under no cur none of the two is strong. Strong is a persson that on the other side of trauma she/ he didn't loose themselves. You are strong if you kept those cracks open, while if you poured concrete you are just another person that due to experiences decided to change for the worse.

Wear your heart as a crown!

1st of April

1st of April or Fool's day or a why bother having a special day for lies and jokes every year when everyone one does this everyday.

We are in a wrong spot in which honesty, loyalty and love have no place in this world and they are replaced by lies and selfish behavior.

I was talking with a friend and he was so confused and he was not able to understand why a woman lied when there was no reason for her to do it. They were talking for a while and she was so sweet and involved and always present and told him she was single and already making plans for their first date and how nice it will be and that she can't wait. Nice? Right? Till one day when she posted on Instagram a picture of her with another man. When asked she replied well he is my boyfriend but I wasn't sure but us we can be friends.

Figure out what you want and date honestly without lies, if you click with somebody you click if no no but at least you're not selling hopes.

People no longer want to say that they are in a relationship. I remember i was talking with a friend and she told me that till you have the talk with someone you are single. What talk? The talk if you are in a relationship or not with someone. Till this talk you can date, kiss, have sex with whoever you want. I laughed as this sounds like total madness for me and a clear fear of commitment. Me in my stupidity always believed that from the first kiss we start investing in to knowing each other and seeing where does the relationship lead, boy I was wrong. People no longer want to say that they are in a relationship as this comes with some responsibility and they are afraid of that responsibility. What an April's fool that happens constantly disregarding the calendar date.

I remember a couple I knew years ago and she caught him while he was chatting with another women and his justification was that it's a must to use your dick as long as you are alive. Yes with the one you love, if you don't love her say so and move on, don't lie don't cheat.

While i was writing this I paused a bit to check on Instagram and the first post that appeared was: " even if a girl is in a relationship, she will always like 2 boys" and it hit me like heeeeey this is my story. I never met a girl that was single allthough they said they are single. Every girl i ever started a relationship (first kiss for me I don't know what for them as for some not even sex was the relationship start) was already in another relationship. Nevertheless none of them really admited to this allthough: 

- one was still dating him and all while she was with me for one month already under the reason that she is trying to break up with him but he is suffering and she cannot hurt him like that

- one was still dating him  while dating me also as he had a hard time accepting the break up

- one dated the other one day and the next day with me had our first kiss

I have met a dude (cannot call him a man) and he was cheating constantly on her fiance under the pretext that opportunities just appear. If something is missing say so don't deceive, if you don't know what seek professional help. Stop traumatizing a good girl just because you are f up in the head.

A former colleague of mine was complaining that she loves him, he is there for her but he is constantly going out with other girls under the justification that he needs validation. Really, if you don't get it from the one next to you say so or move on, don't be an asshole.

I heard so many time the stories in which a good friend had a crush and tried to hit on on their friends girlfriend/boyfriend. Or after a breakup the friend started a relationship with their ex. Newsflash, you are not friends as you lack any form of respect towards the other and their feelings.

A former friend was constantly saying how good friends are we while he was not missing any chance to disrespect me. Boom no longer friends, lack of respect is enough.

We, as a society, normalized lies by inventing the term "white lies" just to feel better when we hide something. Can you imagine that in UK they conducted a social study and 80 something of the responders said that they've found they current partner while being in another relationship.

Nobody is ok in the head and we all have our demons and it's ok to try but with honesty at least we shouldn't play. Respect doesn't cost a thing.

How can we expect to at least try and build a relationship when we are playing on multiple sides? Why people lie to themselves and in the process to others. Keep your lies for 1st of April!

where the f are we going part 2

Yep, there is a part 2 and I am under the impression that there will be more as I never get the right mood and recollection of memories in order to wright about everything.

We all have a history and by history I say trauma. Some of us think that they are to cool for school and don't go to therapy while others indulge in bad therapy because they hear on and on what they want to hear and others who try to heal. Every person that we meet has an ex boyfriend, ex husband, ex girlfriend or ex wife (please appreciate the political correctness) and I am talking about the significant experiences that due to thier importance at a certain point in our life they live scars. The society is putting so much pressure on the healing idea that everybody started to say with so much confidence " I am 100 % healed", no you are not stop lying. My therapist said something really smart about this:" we all got damaged in relationships ( parents, friends, romantic), in relation is where we heal". We all have triggers that we are not aware of from past experiences and just wait for the moment and the button will be pushed at the least expected moment. Communicate, be open and maybe when the other pushes buttons you didn't know you have and you act out, just maybe you will find somebody who is willing to listen if you take your head out of your ass and admit that there is no such thing as 100% healed. Along the years I looked at me and at other persons and i saw something very interesting. I was still keeping a bunch of pictures of me and my ex wife on social media and i was stating that I am over her, on the other hand she instantly removed everything and carried on with her life. I am just asking out of the 2 of us who do you think was really over the other one? When i got asked by a girl about the pictures as clearly she was bothered by them i said that those pictures are part of my life and I must have them without thinking even a second about how she was feeling which clearly showed my level of involvement there as i was not over. Then i realized this and i admited I am not over and that will take them down when I will feel it. The moment came 6 months later but i still kept a lot of context pictures like it was hard for somebody to realize. Guess what? another girl appeared and she picked on the pictures but this time i had the perfect answer: this are context pictures are you crazy i have nothing to with that it's the past. She took a deep breath and she told me that is frustrating for her that now her friends started following me and also her mom and they see that i have "context" pictures with my ex but not even one "context" picture with her. I repeat my ex simply took everything down, including the "context" ones. I remained convinced me with me that it was normal for me to have those pictures and that she had problems in accepting me and the fact that I have a past. Later on i realised she was right as i was so focused on saying i was done when in fact I still had some stuff to understand, yeah clearly i didn't want to get back but I needed more conclusions before letting go of everything and in the process i couldn't care less about what everyone was saying. It is so hard for us to admit with ourselves where we are and be opened about it and hope that the other will understand and that will make them a suitable partner for a relationship in which we both work, instead we choose to say that there is nothing wrong with us and later on we put on a cheap show of past fears and frustrations. Where are we heading in this world in which we focus so much on ourselves that we forget that there are others around us. Others that have their personal history also and they act the same like us and we feed their fears. Just a bit of communication and honesty does magic.

Why the f are we leveraging at a must level the fact that you must be ok to you with you and to be alone and to do stuff alone as like this you heal. People the human is a social creature, in order for our minds and souls to get enriched we need other humans we cannot do it alone. Tonight I was at maybe one of the most amazing theater experiences ever alone, completely alone. And i myself i cannot lie and say that this was perfectly fine, no, it was completely wrong. I would have loved it and my experience would have been fantastic if i had a loved person by my side to share the experience and talk for hours about it afterwards. You will play the smart ass and say that for this you have friends. Stop looking at friends as a substitute for a romantic partner because they cannot offer you the same things. Let's say it honestly that we want we need a dear someone and things suck for the moment a bit either if you just broke up or if you are in the searching process. Stop saying that you are perfectly fine all by yourself as that not natural and it also creates wrong behavior patterns in your mind. Admit the situation and just from there you can start the path of being opened to getting back together or meeting someone new. If you don't realize the loss you never were aware of the presence.

I am falling asleep again but this means i'll come back with a third part because i want to right a few more things on how we see investment in our days and why we don't get to where we wish.

where the f are we we going

Yeah, I might sound angry but you have it wrong. I control the narrative, unless i reach intimacy with you and share my deepest fears and my deepest desires you don't know me.

Getting back to the subject which in fact are multiple subjects that relay to the same idea of where the f are we going.

A woman should be able to walk down the street without you bastards screaming after her. If you dare touching her than I am telling you that your hand should be cut. I highly doubt it you would like that being done to your mother or to your sister you sinister poor f***. Raise men not boys, raise them with respect towards a woman and her value. For the time being we still live in a world where men express like this, in a way that's not acceptable even for animals. Respect!

I've met several girls which were touched and yelled at since they were young and that created trauma and fears so visible and so hard to fix. Some of them positioned love in the aggressive area and for them a warm approach was fake. Can you just imagine somebody making your daughter feel that respect is not for her and willingly going towards guys that will treat her bad?

A men is allowed to cry, normalize that. I heard a lot of women saying they find the vulnerability of a men sexy but how many of you really appreciate that. How many of you really appreciate that and understand that he is like that with you but the rest of time they are still strong? Stop putting social pressure on boys since they are young that they must be strong as you are only making him close his emotions. Emotions don't make you weak.

I remember at a certain point I was crying over the loss of the person I love and her reaction was: "see, how can i trust you that you will be there for me in a though situation if this is your reaction?". If a man doesn't cry over loosing what he loves than is he a man? We need to raise future men to be honest with their feelings and attentive to a women's feelings we need to raise future women to be honest and attentive to a men's feelings. Reciprocity is called.

I have much more to say about what i think it's wrong on how men and women deal with relationships but it's already late.

Yeah i am angry about this one, we are all f*** in the head. I was reading a few days ago ( it shocked me and it's still with me ) that if a person is good and she/he offers help or a nice gesture without being asked for than they are selfish. Are you kidding me? How in the hell we reached a point in our society that we consider fundamental good persons that don't expect nothing in return as being selfish? Have you heard of human trauma and human condition that blocks all of us in multiple situations to ask for help. I am really thinking when you will have a kid and she/he will not be able to ask for help on certain situations if you would wish for them to have somebody there to lend a helping hand without any strings attached. Wake up people we don't need to find something bad in everything.

Let me tell you my definition of good. About 17 years ago i was working in Egypt and walking down the streets of Cairo i ended up getting lost in the cemetery neighborhood ( the cemetery it's an actual neighborhood where people were leaving in poor conditions next to the graves of their loved ones). A very poor barefoot men approached me and directly told me that i look lost and told me that they can help me find my way back. Unsolicited help was given to me and gush it felt good and at the end of our walk i offered to pay him as i felt in debt somehow and his answer was: " we are all human and we must try to help others when we see that they need it even if they don't ask for it". That is kindness, that is being a good person. To my shame i don't think I am there yet but I am working on it everyday to be like that for my loved ones and for even a stranger. This week really messed me up when while waiting to cross the street a young boy asked me for some help and when I offered him 50 Ron he told me that maybe i did a mistake and to think twice. I reassured him that it's ok and he stopped there with his eyes towards the sky and started crying. As I was walking away he started moving also and I realized that i can help him more and turned around and went after him. The moment he saw me he reached to his pocket, took out those 50 ron and told me that it's ok if i realized that i need them. F***, how? I gave him some extra money and i walked while i left him in tears looking towards the sky again. He is a good person. I stopped around the corner, sat down on the sidewalk and cried for half an hour because i didn't have the power to ask him his story and tell him a few good words.

We live in a world where the constant motto is self love but nobody says that self love without empathy is vanity. Just think about it for a while. 

So i am thinking now way past midnight, where the f are we going? What's wrong with us?

P.S. for sure i will come back with a second part because as sleepy as I am am the much i would write

you'll know

I remember towards the end of my marriage when nobody knew about what was going on between those 4 walls, a dear friend reached out for a chat.

He was so in love, but he asked me like I knew, when was the right moment to propose, when you realize that she is the right person. I tried to remember for 3 weeks already the exact advice and the only thing that I remember is that I told him: you feel it. Now, years later I would add that the heart is on your side while the time is against you so the smartest thing to do is to listen to your heart every step of the way.

I had the pleasure in this life to meet couples that started in the '60s, '70s, and 80's, the most common thing I saw in these couples was that it took for them only a few months to realize that they belonged together. Although we can see divorces in these couples also the idea is that the percentage of divorces is insignificant. 

If you dare to feel and think like this nowadays you will, no doubt, be considered a crazy person.

90' s you will still see some equilibrium while if you move closer to our days, the 00s, 10s, and the still young 20s you'll more than sure see a huge difference.

People decided that they have some stages, some levels to reach before they commit. People started to wait for a sign to convince them that it was the right moment. People no longer believe in the notion of building together, they've become selfish, they want to build by themselves and they are looking for somebody who did the same without realizing that the branches of a tree grow together in order to create the tree, they don't grow separate and than they get together so that they make a tree. Allow me to make another parallel in which flowers grow together in a tree while flowers are being picked and put together based on their beauty, they have such a short life in your beautiful vase from home, exercise your mind and ask why.

And in all this standardization of our feelings we are failing miserably being the generations with the highest divorce rate.

You' ll never know somebody as we are all changing everyday and maybe you loved yesterday's version, hated today's one and love tomorrow's one. Play the life game with an open heart.

Yes, love hurts but it also lifts you up. We all have previous bad experiences but stepping carefully in this waters doesn't mean that you will master the game. Every person, every situation, every interaction, every you is different and that's the beauty of it all.

Search intimacy, listen to your heart and make any crazy leap you feel like doing as nothing great was borne from standard.

healthy lovely hate

So many people tried along the centuries to write about love and all of them failed, if you ask me. Love is a feeling that's it's being felt different by any person out there and it's being offered in so many different ways that if you try to understand it you will go crazy and you'll still not be able to make sense of it.

Us humans, we are so miserable when it comes to this wonderful feeling. We watch the movies, we read the books and the poems and still we can't find the power in ourselves to play this game as close as possible to perfection.

We know how to hate, we know how to act like shit, we know how to bleed on people that didn't cut us, we know how to be selfish, and the list about all the bad things we mastered could continue for miles. What about the good ones? Well, if we are being honest, this list would be so short. We know shit in the are of beautiful things.

Some people are so lucky to find other people that love them like crazy no matter what and nobody is talking about reciprocity but at least some fairness wouldn't hurt. If you have somebody in front of you that loves you with all their being, decide fast and respect that feeling, never take advantage of it because you will leave some deep scars on a beautiful soul that will later on bleed on somebody else. They will be there through all your challenges and changes and what will you do with them? Just like a blind person that gains their sight, the first thing they throw away is their walking stick. Don't use people to find your way! 

Ain't life funny when it decides that the sticks will find their way as that's there purpose and nobody will care about the beauty they are loging for. And even if they will find it by that time they will no longer know what to do with it.

Ain't life funny when it decides that the not so long ago blind is to get peace, calm and another stick to serve them in their new journey.

What about the stick that was there when you need it the most and then decided to mock it?

We feel so entitled to do all the shit hiding behind " I need to take care of myself", where the fuck is your empathy? Or at least an ounce of respect, but well hell I guess that the ounce is actually the weight of your soul.

Sad souls lie themselves that they are strong and that they can face them everything that is being thrown at them. Partly yes, but by this point don't throw good at them as they no longer know what to do with it.

Hate to late to little because you didn't master the art of using the other like they used you and like this to be able to walk on head high with a smile towards better times.

Ooooo this lovely hate that makes us one time give to much to whom doesn't values it so that later on we don't have enough to give to somebody who would value it.

It's all just a feeling!