just be real

No, I am not talking about the app allthough ig i stay and think about it, the app idea is pretty cool as encourages people to be real. Scary, huh?

Getting back to the topic at hand I couldn't find a better title to fit what is on my mind and will be written in the following rows.

It seems I am the weird one as I am having troubles in understanding the general behaviours these days.

Why when you meet someone new they say that they are single allthough they are already dating someone, kissing someone, sleeping with someone? If by any chance you find out or they give themselves out the answer is always it was nothing serious. Allthough if you weren't interesting enough they would have continued to see and all that with the same person. But no they weren't in a relationship they were just discovering that person and hey you seem better. I think that avoiding to label something as a relationship gives the people the moral freedom to cheat without cheating because hey i wasn't in a relationship. Sounds complicated but it's so real nowadays.

Normalize dating someone, only one person and if you don't vibe on the first date let them know without keeping them as a backup plan because you are afraid of being lonely, aaa sorry you are curious.

Normalize dating someone and if you feel you are emotionally unavailable let them know, they shouldn't suffer the consequences of your life bad choices. We are not here to use people but to be kind and considerate.

Why when you ask someone when was their last relationship they throw bullshit like 1 or 2 or even 3 years ago like all the rest of persons they slept in that perriod didn't even exist and we should believe that they were waiting for that one person. Hahaha. Everybody reffers to their last meaningful connection ignoring all the rest even if sometimes they said to those unworthy of mentioning that they love them.

And this takes me to the next point, stop using words like playing cards. If you don't really feel it stop telling people that you love them. Stop telling people that you don't want to loose them if the next day you dump them. Stop telling people how important they are to you if the next day you're cheating. How can you loose your feelings overnight? You're no Cinderella and true feelings are not a shoe that you loose at midnight. Shut up, have patience and say it only if you mean it.

Stop being a fake friend, say when something is wrong or the other is doing something wrong. Don't encourage stupidness. And if people offer you the same hold them close like crazy. Take distance from people that always agree with you, those are the people who will exult in your misery.

Social media is fake and if you are not aware of this I think you have some severe problems. Stop thinking that you know people, their life or what they are going through based on their posts. Take a second to realize that the one posting is controlling the narrative and they are posting only what they are comfort other to see or know, that's not their entire reality. In the past 5 months I've been through 1 old friend suicide, a break up, 2 deaths within my family plus several other several shitty events and now you tell me if you considered me happy, was I? Or if you considered me sad, for what reason exactly? You don't know me and if you want to know me just ask me and trust me that applies to all of us.

You're not watching TV anymore because they show you a distorted reality but you take the reality from social media, it's exactly the same thing. When you meet some new people due to a context or a new relationship all those people will be in a hurry to follow and like you and right the moment you exit that context they will stop interacting with you. I am asking you why do it in the first place if you don't like that person. Be real, if i like you i like you till i don't like you anymore. But is so incredible fake to like someone becuase they are in a close by context and you just want to be nice. If you support your friends or acquaintances businesses, hit that like button, hit that share button and most important buy their products or services, otherwise just shut up and don't tell them that you support them because you are just fake.

I know i said it before more detailed but I will repeat myself very briefly, if you still keep pics of your ex all over the place you are not over them or the situation so stop telling yourself that you keep them because it's part of your past and that's who you are. There is only a part of your past there, so do please share your entire past.

In this note i am thinking for my birthday to post pictures with all my exes as a social experiment and see who will want to date me accepting my past. I'll think about it, just in case i decide to do this watch my accounts, it will be interesting.

P.S. I have included here opinions from several women and men that have wrote to me.

alone? strong? question it

Mid of the week and I decided to take me out for a dinner. Don't jump off your couch and clap as this is not normal and no this isn't self love, this isn't being strong, this is just a men who misplaced his heart, he was hungry and decided to go out. 

It's ok and to have you time and it's a must in every stage of your life but never say that you are ok alone. The human is a social creature and our place is with others, with a lover in front of us / next to us or with friends, that's when our soul feels with happiness, that's when we live. Be ok you with you alone but never for a long time and never say that you are just perfect like this, never poor concrete in the cracks of your soul as this will make it impossible for others to enter.

At a certain point a friend told me that i don't know how to be alone and happy. I know how to be alone and I know how to find some form of joy, i've been to theater alone, to a few concerts also alone and it's ok but not how it should be as in this mad world i have the courage to admit that somebody's missing, that all experiences are half experiences if you don't have somebody to share them with. As a young boy I worked completely alone abroad without anybody and trust me when i say it broke me but somehow I had the strength to come back and realize what i truly desire in life. So don't tell me about being alone as i can write a book about it.

Society todays yells that you should be ok alone and that you shouldn't let your happiness in others hands. Fake so fake, when you hit play to your favorite song aren't you leaving your emotions in the hands of the singer? when you go to a theater play or watch a movie aren't you leaving your emotions in the hands of the actors? when you read a book aren't you leaving your imagination and emotions in the hands of the writer? when you are having a spa day aren't you leaving your well-being in the hands of the masseuse? and the list could continue forever. The idea is that if i leave you completely alone in the middle of nowhere without anything you'll not be ok, you'll not be happy. I repeat be ok alone but never settle for this and never say that you are happy alone. And if you do find yourself saying this quickly reach out to somebody otherwise you will poor concrete on the outside cracks but inside something will be missed forever and this will bite you when you least expect it.

Choosing to be alone it's not strength it's fear and if somebody is there reach out to them and fight like crazy to help them even if you think you will loose a friend as you are saving a soul. You see, if you love somebody, a partner or a friend you will always wish and do everything in your power to help. As a well known comedian in RO said: love is when you don't matter anymore. Let that sink a bit and think if you want what's best for somebody conditional as long as they are in your life or you just want what's best for somebody perriod.

Society is in a hurry to praise a person that says they are ok alone and says they are working on themselves. They get pronouns as that's a strong person. I think this happens as deep down people don't know how to help and they better praise as their help will not be needed if that person does an extraordinary thing that they can't do. Seek perspective if you ask me. Due to same behavior of no involvement but fearful of losing a friend, when somebody goes through a trauma people say that person is strong and again transforms their suffering in to something to be admired. In my opinion if you are going through a trauma alone or with some help you are equally capable but under no cur none of the two is strong. Strong is a persson that on the other side of trauma she/ he didn't loose themselves. You are strong if you kept those cracks open, while if you poured concrete you are just another person that due to experiences decided to change for the worse.

Wear your heart as a crown!

1st of April

1st of April or Fool's day or a why bother having a special day for lies and jokes every year when everyone one does this everyday.

We are in a wrong spot in which honesty, loyalty and love have no place in this world and they are replaced by lies and selfish behavior.

I was talking with a friend and he was so confused and he was not able to understand why a woman lied when there was no reason for her to do it. They were talking for a while and she was so sweet and involved and always present and told him she was single and already making plans for their first date and how nice it will be and that she can't wait. Nice? Right? Till one day when she posted on Instagram a picture of her with another man. When asked she replied well he is my boyfriend but I wasn't sure but us we can be friends.

Figure out what you want and date honestly without lies, if you click with somebody you click if no no but at least you're not selling hopes.

People no longer want to say that they are in a relationship. I remember i was talking with a friend and she told me that till you have the talk with someone you are single. What talk? The talk if you are in a relationship or not with someone. Till this talk you can date, kiss, have sex with whoever you want. I laughed as this sounds like total madness for me and a clear fear of commitment. Me in my stupidity always believed that from the first kiss we start investing in to knowing each other and seeing where does the relationship lead, boy I was wrong. People no longer want to say that they are in a relationship as this comes with some responsibility and they are afraid of that responsibility. What an April's fool that happens constantly disregarding the calendar date.

I remember a couple I knew years ago and she caught him while he was chatting with another women and his justification was that it's a must to use your dick as long as you are alive. Yes with the one you love, if you don't love her say so and move on, don't lie don't cheat.

While i was writing this I paused a bit to check on Instagram and the first post that appeared was: " even if a girl is in a relationship, she will always like 2 boys" and it hit me like heeeeey this is my story. I never met a girl that was single allthough they said they are single. Every girl i ever started a relationship (first kiss for me I don't know what for them as for some not even sex was the relationship start) was already in another relationship. Nevertheless none of them really admited to this allthough: 

- one was still dating him and all while she was with me for one month already under the reason that she is trying to break up with him but he is suffering and she cannot hurt him like that

- one was still dating him  while dating me also as he had a hard time accepting the break up

- one dated the other one day and the next day with me had our first kiss

I have met a dude (cannot call him a man) and he was cheating constantly on her fiance under the pretext that opportunities just appear. If something is missing say so don't deceive, if you don't know what seek professional help. Stop traumatizing a good girl just because you are f up in the head.

A former colleague of mine was complaining that she loves him, he is there for her but he is constantly going out with other girls under the justification that he needs validation. Really, if you don't get it from the one next to you say so or move on, don't be an asshole.

I heard so many time the stories in which a good friend had a crush and tried to hit on on their friends girlfriend/boyfriend. Or after a breakup the friend started a relationship with their ex. Newsflash, you are not friends as you lack any form of respect towards the other and their feelings.

A former friend was constantly saying how good friends are we while he was not missing any chance to disrespect me. Boom no longer friends, lack of respect is enough.

We, as a society, normalized lies by inventing the term "white lies" just to feel better when we hide something. Can you imagine that in UK they conducted a social study and 80 something of the responders said that they've found they current partner while being in another relationship.

Nobody is ok in the head and we all have our demons and it's ok to try but with honesty at least we shouldn't play. Respect doesn't cost a thing.

How can we expect to at least try and build a relationship when we are playing on multiple sides? Why people lie to themselves and in the process to others. Keep your lies for 1st of April!