whatever

Oh well (I think I started with the same exclamation and line of thought a couple of times before, but who cares) I didn't t write In while so this means that this will be more of a non sense rant over here as I gathered a lot of things that I wanted to write about but hey it seems I need some sleep also, especially after a certain age.

And now I find myself in front of the keyboard and so many ideas are running through my mind that makes me so difficult for me to start with one and as I am writing I am so scared that I might write only a few lines and then save it in my drafts for a later time. Just as I finished the previous sentence I realized that if you stay in the moment long enough things are starting to make sense. I repeat, they make sense for me and they shouldn't necessary make sense for you also but if you manage to read it, give yourself a clap because I was never able to read what I write. Not even to correct any typos that make me look like a stupid as fuck that doesn't know how to write but still does it.

And the first idea that catched a shape it's about this exact thing, about doing it. Or like Nike says, just do it. I never understood the people who don't do anything and to my sadness I live i the country in which most of the people are good at complaining, making up excuse but not actually doing something. People criticize other people that are actually trying do something, and I am not even entering in the support area as most of us in eastern Europe we are so far from this thing. We look at famous people and if they start promoting a shit we are in a hurry to support them while if somebody from our mud pool tries to do something we are willing to go the forest cut down some trees make our own sticks just to jab it in the persons wheels, maybe maybe they fail. We make idols out of politicians, crooks and hookers. They display ritches and disrepectfull behaviour and directly the society jumps in making them semi gods without applying a moral judgement. Around here we lack financial education and people make a credit to buy a home in which they are living but they are not calling it a home, it's an investment; we buy second hand cars having in mind the price we could sell it afterwards because again we are making an investment. And the list could go on and on. It's mind blowing as the internet should have brought knowledge, open borders should have brought knowledge, AI should have brought knowledge but NO, nobody bothers to search and find at least one of the most popular definitions about investment: investment is when to start with if you loose those money it will not affect your life, second one and equally important is that an investment purpose is to produce other money. I realize now, stupid me, they are investing in themselves :))))) that's why they call it an investment. But wait wait it doesn't stand as people save money to pay in advance their credits (sorry investments) or to go in a hollyday abroad while the whole idea is to make your everyday life better not to have from time to time a better life. Basic example, if you discovered a perfume you like your objective should be to afford next month the same and the shower gel and so on. Everybody dreams at making easy money but nobody wants to do the work, the only work they are willing to do is in the gym because hey they can see a nice ass or somebody can look at their ass. Vanity, this is our main sin. We hide behind childish excuses just to feed our vanity. A crook or a hooker makes some easy money buys an expensive car and imediately everybody wants that and who stays good with their credit score will jump to buy the second hand edition just to pretend hey I have also. I don't know about you but I don't want to be associated with a certain category of people. People complain they work too much instead of trying to work smarter, learn something new or use that time they spent doom scrooling for learning something new or hey even building a side hustle. Sleep over sleep and lasyness over lazyness from a 9 to 6 job, you should be ashamed. But hey like this we reach the best part of it all. It's fashionable to blame your parents for your behaviour because hey they built trauma inside of you like a kid builds houses in Minecraft instead of taking responsibility for your actions and words. I agree that here, at doing stuff, the parents are too blame. If they extra spoil their kids and don't send them to work while they are young because their kids must focus on school you will have this result. They will take their bacheloors degree and reality will hit in some cases while in other not even then because their parents will still support them and they will use the eternal stupid line: for that salary I don't even get out of bed. You fuck your knowledge is equal to zero but your requests are through the roof because your mama and daddy told you that you are smart. We have a saying for that: every hen brags about her chickens, or something like that. Due to them, the parents, all these generations fail to understand that in order too have it good you must a walk through bad. And you can see this lack of realism in the smallest things. Take for example, everybody complains about a road that has a lot of pot holes, the mayors office start demolishing the road in order to fix it properly, everybody complains that he ruined the road They lask the basic understanding that without a really bad situation you cannot reach a really good one. But what can you ask from people that buy second hand cars as investment, for them the solution for the road would have been to patch it. Stop raising kids that shouldn't experience the needs you had growing up and start raising kids that want t be informed and play a role in the society and have a moral back bone in which they don't consider crooks and hookers as role models just because they have money. Stop hating, start building. And so on but this just me taking out my frustrations because I don't have, right?

I land like this to the change capability. Business idea for all the lazy fucks who are coaches, because the psychology diploma was too hard and took too long versus a course made in 2 months In an obscure basement by another lazy lover of easy money on the backs of suckers. Back to the idea coach people on will, how too build their own personal will and to have it at their disposal for use in all aspects of their life's. A local nobody , in my opinion but a succesfull business en for others, said why open a pretzel bakery when you could build a SAS, a standuper said why build a SAS when you could sell a course to teach others how to build a SAS and an influencer completed with why not build a platform where you certify others on how to teach other how to build a SAS. I think this is the best depiction of the love for easy money that this nation has. A while ago I was talking with a buddy and right after he told me he doesn't have money to take his kid to Disneyland he told me that he gathered from bonuses and stocks about 100.000 $ and I was like take money from there and go with your kid to Disneyland. He took the defensive posture and started explaining me that at 50 he wants to stop working so that he can spend time with his kid and the most he willing to do is to invest like 20.000 in something but only if he knows that it will return x2 in 2-3 years. Fuck bro what are you smoking was my reaction and as we departing ways I couldn't stop from leaving him with a question: don't you think that when you will be 50 your kid will already be a teenager and he will not want to spend time with you ? Years passed and he still didn't take his kid to Disneyland. In this area it's tradition when people get married to receive money as a present form family and friends, another tradition si that their parents give them money for that wedding and I never stopped asking who get's married? And if you can't afford to do your wedding than how do you think that you can have a family if mom and dad still gives you money? I already hear the waves of excuses that they want to help and it's nice thing because they don't want their kids to feel the lack of stuff like them. YOU ARE A KID and kids cannot have other kids. Oh hell I am going down another rabbit hole but I will come back to it. For now let me get back to the change capability as I derailed big time.

PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE FOR OTHE PEOPLE. Read that twice. And this doesn't mean that your partner doesn't love you, it's just who they are and it's your thing f you are ok with it or not. People change following big shocks that happens in their life or through their own personally will. They can try for a while just to please you but it won't last. 4 years ago I saw the movie The Minimalists and I started struggling with being a big time Horder so I started right after the movie to clean up stuff and the result was 2 bags of things to throw away. Since then I started doing this exercise about 2 times a year and every tome I have like one big bag of things to donate and another bag of things to throw away. Wat I am trying to say is that movie had such an impact on me that it motivated me to make a change to my life style but the desire came from me and the willingness to do it was all about me, nobody else. I think I had another 4 years till I reach the point I want but hey it's my progress. And I come back to the same idea, how can you expect wilingnes to make a change at them from people who had their decision made by their parents instead of taking an advice from them and adapt it to their life and life purpose. It's just like with babbies they have the willing to walk but if you constantly hold them it will take forever till they will be able to walk on their own. I really think that you can do whatever you put you mind to as long as you have the necessary will and you work like hell for it. 

Before I jump to the last idea not because I finished but because I am sleepy and before you start judging because you know me let me say it. Yes I bought a second hand car because that's what I could afford and I wanted certain characteristics from my first car but I never had in mond the pice I could sell I at the second second hand. Yes I made credit in order to buy a home not to make an investment, I just needed a place to live. And regarding work I say to myself for  couple of years now that I should write my story, it's not a succesfull ones by the local standards but hey it's my progress. Like everything else in my life my decisions, my progress my will and if I work on me it's on my will.

Before I run to sleep because I must wake up early in the morning because I must go to a lawyer because I must i sign the papers for a new company. Yes it's about sauces and they will be delicious :) Keep hustling stay humble follow your dreams.

You are a KID and kids cannot have other kids, made me think about it. So it's something so wrong with our generations that we contradict nature, docotors, science, everything based on some exceptions that we know. So we fuck around till late in our life following all type of objectives like career or self knowledge or development bullshit and then we decide hey I want a kid. And instead of doing everything necessarry even in that late time we still continue to leave our lives as we are in our twenties when in reality in the morning when getting out of bed we say hop ah ouch. We should at least have more will and treat he topic like we really want it not like hey I think it;s late in my life and I want this. You cannot be so delusional after not taking care of yourself or more extreme cases fucking around unprotected that the process will be easy. Hopefully it will but you must take science in to account and make radical fast changes if you have the will. And this is about an honest conversation you must have with yourself not like when you are talking with your partner. As a man if you know you screwed around unprotected with God knows who go test your ass out when you think you found your person that you hope will be the mother of your kids/s. As a woman if you know you screwed around unprotected with God knows how go test your ass out when you think you found your person that you hope will be the father of your kid/s. And I am saying that you should be honest you with, if you read an older post of mine in which I was saying and will repeat here that I think that most people start a relationship with lies and they call it white lies just to feel better with the person in the mirror. Here is more serious and past matters you cannot answer like on the first dates when you are asked how many relations you had and you count only the ones you conside relationships and the you cut down from there the short ones and reach a really low number just to try and look like a saint. You with you count the relations not the relationships. And hold your titties don't jump that I am one of the Tate brothers I am just encouraging you as woman and as a man to be honest you with you.

The world situation is fucked at this point and we are closer to a WW than ever before. And it think this is because we continue to position towards life in a selfish way not giving a fuck about society. But this is the consequnce of the lack of will and very important the lack of responsibility while we hide behind wokeism, self discovery and other bullshit that makes us more isolated from the society and demands the others to threat us in line with our own indvidulistic ways and not based on the society norms. A good scoiecty means that it's members are good so if you have the society in your mind doen;s mean you don;t have yoursleff in mind. It's a matter of perspective. THINK, it's FREE !

uncomfortable truths

Uncomfortable truths or lies that we tell ourselves to feel better or hard to swallow pills or delusions to stay sane in an insane world. It's a personal choice how we look at them in order to make sense of them but in my opinion the sooner we accept them for what they truly are the sooner we get a chance at living a peaceful life and hopefully a more beautiful world, in the personality and behavior sense.

We reached an amazing step in our evolution when we normalized lying, ourselves and others. It's already a social standard too " cheat your way to the top" or using "white lies" or saying "half truths" or hiding behind "I value my intimacy" and the list can continue.

Before you jump at my neck, NO i am not pretending to be perfect i just observe what's happening around me and with me or with people that i cross paths. For a quite a few years i am trying my best to "abuse" honesty at all times and i am far from owning it but i made a promise to myself so many years ago and i am working on it, on me everyday.

Side note, although i said it before, when I write I am not expecting that somebody will read it but just in case I hope it raises a brow, it's more of a my way of therapy through writing. Therefore if you don't like it or resonate just move on as in unfollow, unfriend, block and the rest of bla bla.

I will try to have a structured approach with bullet points on the 3 areas that i deem important Family, Friends and Partner/Relationship, connecting every time to self. Here we go, let's rant!

Family

It's where you are born and the first people that you meet, you have a blood connection with them and therefore connected somehow for life. I am not talking only about parents but about the entire family. First of all we should agree that there are no perfect human beings therefore there are no perfect families and there are no perfect parents. And it will never be, just in case you are delusional and think that you will be perfect for your kid, we all fail in different ways. So i dear to say that you should relax a bit on this and just say that you are trying to be a good parent not that you don't want traumatize your kid because you will do it, for sure.

When it comes to parents:

- normal ones, they failed, and i honestly think that you should understand that they did the best they could, the best they knew having their best intentions at heart. Stop judging them so harsh . And most important stop blaming them for your current behavior. Yes they did something, they said something and you say that they traumatized you and that's why you are behaving in a certain way. You are lying to yourself because if you are ware of the actual trauma i think that from that point on it's just your decision if you are forgiving them or you continue to play the blame game just to justify your current behavior instead of actually working on it and overcoming it because you truly understand that the way you behave harms you and the ones around you.

- abusive one, and I am referring to harsh situations like physical abuse, abandonment or god knows what other actions the animal called human is capable of. This is hard but somehow the same rule applies: if you acknowledge it then work on it or play the blame game. It's hard to break ties but if you are really serious about improving your quality of life you will need to make some harsh decisions. I have met several people that were abandoned as kids and they made peace with it, meaning that instead of saying i can not due that or the other, instead of justifying their behavior because of it they stepped up and lived the best possible life with the cards they were delt. Some of them have happy families, others built admirable careers and so on. And i think the secret lies in the fact that instead of saying "I am an orphan or a single parent raised and that's why i cannot to that" or "i wasn't as lucky as others" they just focused on what they can do to be better not on what happened. They didn't lie to themselves that they cannot to do something and they didn't use it as an excuse for their current behavior and actions. I have met persons that have been physically abused by one of the parents and some of them even sexually abused and they used it as a fuel for becoming better and never used it at an excuse for their incapability. Meeting alike people who overcame their status quo and people who used it as an excuse i dare to say that it's a decision. A decision that it's hard as hell to be made but it's a decision that cand and will significantly improve your life.

And yes, maybe, i am thinking this due to the fact that i am already sick of people saying "oh i am like that because look what my parents did to me", OK i understand your trauma but what are you doing about it? or you just have the perfect excuse at hand for anything. And yes, this is called lying to yourself. We always have a choice at hand, easy or hard, but we have it.

Rest of the family

- some of them have a positive influence on you and some have a bad influence, but did you ever stop and think why did I choose the bad over the good? and if you did this, don't you think it's a good starting point for choosing the good. I know, I know it's easier not to do any changes on you and use the excuse" Yes but my granny/aunt/uncle/... did that and that's why I am like this". What a perfect lie not to go through the torments of changing yourself for the better. 

Just think that all these are lies you say to yourself, as the persons around you are just witnesses or in some cases victims of your choice; you are not lying to them but in some cases or most of them they will be the victims of your self lies all due to the fact that they love you. 

Friends

- proximity friends are not friends, they can become friends but don't hold like crazy to that idea. People you get close due to the fact that you live in the same area, you go to the same school, you work in the same place. Nobody says that they are bad friends and i am the biggest fan of proximity friends that grow to real friends but don't fall in the trap of friendship based on proximity in time. what i am trying to say that if at a certain point we studied/worked in the same place we got along verry well when life takes us down our individual paths is when the friendship is tested and that old memory shouldn't be the reason why we are still friends. And this is where most of us tell ourselves sweet little lies like "my oldest friend" but are they truly your friend?

- tell me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are. Maybe there are exceptions but mainly if two people are friends they share values, not principles, not ideas not fun activities, but values. Don't even let your mind jump to the lie we are just buddies, or we are just colleagues; if you spend time together (fun activities, leisure and so on) you are friends. For the sake of classification you have the really close friends that act as a confident also and know your intimate story but we can call them good friends just to make a differentiation between them and the rest. If let's say your value is that you will not steal but you have around you people that steal, then you are validating and hiding their activities which make you a accomplice. And how strong is your value? If let's say your value is that you will not cheat but you have people around you that cheat, then you are validating their behavior, so, how strong is your value? And the list can continue like this forever but i hope you get the point.

- if you start a business and the people around you are not the first ones to buy your product/service they are not your friends. If you don't support one each others dreams and efforts then what are the basis of your friendship?

- if you move on in your career, you are attending an extra school or courses and your friends are no the first ones to support you and encourage you than what are your friendship basics? people close to us should be our biggest constructive critics but also our greatest supporters.

- if you enter a relationship and you are happy about it and share the news with your friends and they are not happy for you or even worse they start saying be careful, that's not taking care of you as they don't even know the person so admit the uncomfortable truth that they don't want what's best for you as in being happy

- the oldest one in history - friendship between a woman and a man - damn this is complex, not !!!

It's simple but we prefer to lie ourselves that wow we are great awesome friends. Listen, i am not saying is not possible but you need a few prerequisites:

1. a man is by definition is a hunter, he makes the first move so if when you've met for the first time the man wanted first to f*** you and you said no, you will never be friends he is just waiting for his chance. The other way around is less probable as a woman naturally doesn't make the first move. You (woman) might think and look at him as a friend but all he does is waiting for his chance. You don't think so? Call him up one evening and tell him that you made a mistake all this time and you would want to date him for a glass of wine. If he says no (I don't think so) then congratulations you really have a male friend but i highly doubt that you have the courage to do this test as is very good for the mind to know that you have somebody there willing to get you, a fan, if only for one night but still he desires you.

2. if the man never looked at that woman in a sexual way than yes those two can be friends. You will most probably say "maybe she is waiting for her chance also", probably but she will not make the move because the risk of a turn down for a woman is worse mentally wise than for a men.

3. it evolved from a proximity friendship in which none of them had, and most importantly never expressed, a sexual desire. This can work as the basis is human quality and maybe it can evolve at a certain point in time in to a romantic relationship because they both evolved and changed in the same direction but the start was not based on sexual desire.

4. if you feel that you should hide talking with a certain friend or you see them hiding from your partner than for sure you are in the wrong relationship and that friend is where you desire to be.

5. OK, you are friends, if at any given point in time during your friendship relationship one of you touched the others intimate parts (ass, boobs, intimate organs) then that person wants to f*** you and he doesn't really cares about anything else. This is not a friendship act, stop lying to yourself. This is not even a joke if the man does it with any of his women friends. If as a woman or man you jump and say "it's just a joke" between us than why you don't do it in front of your partner? as to your way of thinking it doesn't mean anything or just think how would you feel if you would see your partner in a situation like this, would you laugh or you would think it's something between them.

6. if you were together (you had sex) you cannot be friends, you can be civilized human beings but not friends. You shared so many intimate moments and those cannot be erased. Would you feel comfortable if your partner would say I am going out for a coffee with my ex who is now a very good friend ? as opposed to i am going out for a coffee with a friend ? baseline for this being in both cases that they already introduce you to this person. And if you are ok with option 1 are you really in love with your partner or are you telling yourself a lie for the sake of comfort?

We tell ourselves so many lies when it comes to friends, it's crazy. We need relations in our lives but we need honest quality ones if we are really serious about improving our quality of life.

Partner/Relationship

Ooooohhh this one has so many twist and turns especially in todays society but I am convinced that we can have quality relationships if we have a fundament of respect, honesty and love. And let's take them one by one from the end to beginning.

LOVE

- simple, as I wrote so much about love, listen to your heart, follow it

- act in line with your heart, if you love somebody you wouldn't want to hurt them

- if you love somebody and unintentionally you've hurt them you would apologize and leave your ego aside

- love is a choice, you choose that person everyday because wow she/he makes you feel, how they support you, respect you, care for you, value you, because you find your peace in their arms, because you melt in their kiss, because their smile makes you forget all problems, because their tears wet your cheeks, because their suffering is your suffering, because you want to help them solve any tiny problem as it was yours.

HONESTY blended with respect

- if you are in the position in which you are hiding from your partner in order to see or talk to anybody, somebody else (not for romantic purposes) it's a lie and just because you do that you should stop lying to yourself that you are in the right relationship. You are in the wrong relationship either because you know you are doing something that your partner disapproves but you are still doing it either because they disapprove you seeing a friend. End the lie, take care of your heart, end the relationship. Being in a relationship means i see you and i accept you with your flaws, i accept your friends (not as mine, although it would be nice), i accept your family (not as mine, although it would be nice). Hiding damages trust and it's disrespectful. Imposing limits without arguments that they are bad for them or have a hidden agenda regarding them, on somebody's decisions of who can they meet it's wrong. 

Your partner shouldn't even ask where are you going or with whom, if should come from you without being asked for as you respect them otherwise stop lying to yourself that you value your privacy and that you are in a relationship. There is a thin line between what is controlling (hype expression in our days) and what is demanding honesty. There is a thin line between what is self confidence (another hype expression in our days) and what is demanding respect.

- cheating: the greatest form of lie told within a couple. Just like with lying where us people invented white lies just to fool ourselves and justify our lies here we've put several levels and we maid it come down to personal level decision what is considered cheating so that we don't have something cross society applicable and to make it even hard on ourselves to find a partner that aligns with our values on this also. I am goin to try and take it step by step based on what I've read, the specialists I've heard talking about this, people around me and their opinions and my own personal experiences. I think this will be a long one where i might repeat myself.

When you are officially in a relationship?

a. after the first date - let's not over react because like this it would mean that most of us been in hundreds of relationships

b. after the first kiss - my view - in this world filled with potential connections at every click/swipe i think that after the first kiss you should focus only on that person, trying to get to know them and see where it goes. If you continue to talk with others not only that your energy will be divided all over the place but also you will not allocate the necessary time and energy investment to really get to know the person you just kissed. And honestly as long as the majority says that while in a relationship kissing somebody else than your partner is cheating, then i don't think it's morally correct to go around kissing everybody. And i don't even want to deep dive on the intimacy of a kiss or the medical side and all the diseases that could be transmitted just by kissing.

Fun note: several times I've heard that after the first kiss two people are in situationship not a relationship and i always wondered if you are meeting a friend on the street and you are introducing your partner how do you refer to them ?

x my friend ? I don't think so because me honestly i never wanted to f*** my friends

x my girlfriend/boyfriend? makes sense but it's bad to label your interaction and if you do it you are needy and you are hurrying stuff.

x my lover ? ooooo slow down there

x my situation ? jackpot, this is it, this sounds correct

Can you see the stupidity of the length we are willing to go just to run from a word ?

c. after the first sex - oh well this might sound correct although personally I am in the above category against all the fun that was made at my expense. Honestly if two people are dating for a couple of weeks/months and they reach the sex moment don't you think that it's a bit immoral that with one day before or exactly that day one of them dated somebody else holed hands and kissed? 

d. after the discussion - I think that this is the most popular - this for me is WTF ?!? and I've wrote about it before. And I've herded it so many times from so many people (especially women) and every time my question, that didn't receive any answer, was: "so, you are trying to tell me that till the moment we have the discussion both of us are ok to date, kiss and f*** whoever they want while us two also date, kiss and f***?". If this isn't the ultimate run from responsibility and proof of immorality and actually the worst lie that a person can tell to themselves and others, then i don't know what it is.

Fun note: a friend of mine thought he was with a girl and one day she calls him verry happy " thank you darling for the flowers, they are so beautiful". He didn't send any flowers to her workplace and told her this and after a few "I am sorry" they decided that they are going to talk about it in the evening at home. She felt so bad about the mistake she did and he was really pissed trying to understand what just happened. The last part of the conversation was something like this:

X: oh, i know now from who they are. they are from a guy that i went out with

Y: really now?

X: yes, i am sorry for the situation but i don't think you're getting jealous from something like this ?

Y: actually, I am bothered, but is this an ex or what?

X: we went out on a few dates, that's all.

Y: did you kiss? f***?

X: yes, but before i met you

Y: when was the last time?

X: with one evening before i went on the first date with you

Y: and afterwards you just ghosted him?

X: yes, because I've met you and you are such an awesome guy, He should have understood.

Y: so, actually you cheated the dude with me?

X: no, because we weren't in a relationship

Moral of the story we normalized promiscuity with a lie, if we don't have the talk we aren't exclusive.

And OK let's say you choose you version and you are in a relationship, what constitutes cheating?

a. the basics dating, kissing, f***ing

b. but when it starts? maybe with that flirty behavior at work or maybe in that one girls/boys night out when you had one to many glasses or maybe in that exchange of follow/likes on social media

Honestly it doesn't really matter when, in my opinion, if you are hiding it form your partner then you know it's bad and you are CHEATING. Stop with the childish lies "it doesn't/didn't mean anything and what's the point in telling my partner" or "it happened once" or "it's just a friend" or "we just talked" or so many others. And if you are so keen on self love you should realize that from the second you were available for that short flirtatious talk on SM or at the coffee line, you are already in the wrong current relation. A smart person once said “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second”.

- vulnerability i would say that is one of foundation stones of a relationship. I am honest too my deep core with you trusting that you will not use that against me. If you are not in this position, stop lying to yourself as you are not in a healthy relationship but in a game of two filled with dishonesty and total lack of love.

- if you got out of a messy relationship and you become closed or even worse a shitty person stop lying by saying that you are protecting your soul and admit the truth that you are scared and work with that

RESPECT

Purely respect for yourself first of all and for the person next to you. There is no place for cursing between two people who pretend they love each other. There was a time when i was looking at certain couples and i was thinking that was their love style but they all broke up or divorced. If he/she cursed/insulted you then trust me they don't love you stop lying that it was a mistake or that's how we communicate. If he/she cheated it wasn't a mistake it was a choice don't be delusional. If he or she (yeah i know some couples where she is the one with the violence) is violent, that's not a mistake, that's not a proof of love, they don't respect you and you should stop being delusional run, run fast because next time it might be too late. 

In the end we have the lies we tell ourselves society wise. I don't watch/read news because i see bad things and that depresses me - ok but you read all personal opinions about what is happening around you from Facebook, you watch personal opinions on tik tok; and that's how you get informed. It's like going to you neighbor when you are sick instead of going to a doctor. You hide behind "I take care of my mental health", NO you are saying this lie and actually you are hiding from reality hoping that it will not touch you. When the reality kicks you complain, although if you would have been informed maybe you could have avoided an uncomfortable situation. I don't vote because i don't care or the other stupid line i cannot change anything, OK, let's say you are right but then for f*** sake stop complaining if you don't play your part. You don't care because you have your money from your parents or from your job but newsflash smart ass laws impact the way you live like taxes and all and just like that you can go bankrupt or be unemployed. When a war breaks out somewhere in the world most of the people bury their heads in the ground like an ostrich, "it's not my problem", but it is your problem, people are being hurt ignoring that is not emotional protection but emotional avoidance. If you are heartless at least use that f***ing google for something good and understand that it impacts prices on goods and services.

Sad story: when the war in Ukraine started most of the "men" practiced "courage" and they were saying that if war comes to our country (Romania) they would take their partner and run. Use the phone and read how the world works instead of doing lives on tik-tok and you will find out that you cannot do that as the first things that happened after the first rocket is closed borders and blocked banks so all your precious money are blocked. What was worse was the women encouraging this behavior and i still ask myself how woman complain that there are no more real men in the world but they are the ones who encourage the men not to be men. The irony as what's a men if he is not willing to fight for his loved ones, for things higher than himself? So i dare to say stop lying that you want real men, i don't know what you want but for sure not men. 

We reached a point in our society in which if we meet somebody one of the first things we ask is what do you do for work, if we tell somebody about a newly met person the first thing they ask us about that person is what do they do for work. OK, i get it maybe that says a lot about a person but don't you think you would be more true to yourself if you would ask questions like are they kind? do they have manners? do they make you smile? are they loyal? do they have values? do you have smart conversations with them? even, do they look good? are they clean? do they have any diseases? and so on. Because you see all this and many more have nothing to do with what job somebody has and they say a lot about their personality, what type of a human being are they. Somebody's job doesn't say anything about their personality and who they are, it might say something but honestly myself i saw more educated people with high paying jobs that are pieces of s*** humans than people with low end jobs.

I must touch the financial topic also. If you make a credit to buy something that's not an investment you are the banks investment but you didn't do any. What do you mean by Investment? Investment definition is an asset acquired or invested in to build wealth and save money from the hard earned income or appreciation. Investment meaning is primarily to obtain an additional source of income or gain profit from the investment over a specific period of time. So for your own sake admit the truth and stop saying that you made an investment as most probably you will never cash in a profit from there but the bank is cashing in every month a profit, it's called interest. If you want to learn how to make money look at people who made money from scratch not people who inherited it. If you want to learn about financial stability listen to people who talk about how to manage money not people who tell you how to spend money, trust me you can do that on your own also.

If somebody get's semi naked on SM or naked on OF they are not an influencer or a public person they are a modern day stripper and you are the stupid that shoves 1$ bills in their panties.

If you admire people for what they have and not for who they are you will always look up at the wrong people and surround yourself with leeches.

You are not eternal and life is not that long, 40 is not the new 20, your back cracks my friend. 

I would better stop.

These are part of the lies and the real version or uncomfortable truth better said, that i heard, saw or lived; these are the ones for which i found the words to express and there so many many more. I think that the bottom line is that the real change starts when you are honest with the person in the mirror.

new age therapy

 Yep, welcome to the new age, or in other words, let me share my take on today's world, love and trauma. Well, you guessed it, this is about relationships and love. Or maybe is about how i see therapy and the society. To be honest is more about therapy i think :).

What you will have patience to read bellow is a collection of notes from my phone and drafts written on my pc for the past 7 years when i discovered therapy, and all glued together with current ideas or experiences gathered in this period.

I reflected a bit trying to understand from where or better said when did i started being interested in psychology. Short mention, interested and curios to understand myself and in a continuous search of understanding the society around me. Going down the memory lane, one of my favorite high school disciplines was psychology and i even choose it as one of the probes for the baccalaureate exam. Afterwards i wanted to attend the Faculty of Sociology and Social Work but my passion for politics and desire to change the world drawn me stronger towards Political Sciences. Oh well, that didn't go out as expected but this is another story. I remember form the same period that at my parents recommendation i have read Crowd Psychology by Gustave Le Bon, and this was the first book ever that i have read related to psychology. I guess by now you would expect a journey in the psychology world and how my passion developed over time, naaaaah it didn't happened. Life went on, more or less normally. Looking back i realize that the period of 3 years in which i worked as a travel guide and I've met thousands of people with whom i talked and patiently listened to all their stories was actually feeding my curiosity, gather stories and find out as many as possible about people and the world i live in. I wasn't a prodigy, at that time i was just curios about the stories and some of the stories gathered i shared along the time in my writings.

Life continued and about 12 years ago our society started very very very slow to open it's eyes towards psychology and therapy and i remember thinking: wow, this is our occasion to get better individually and as a society. Don't get me wrong, i didn't attend therapy and i was really reluctant about the practice itself and here and there i was really vocal that I will never need something like this but for sure other people should go. Arrogance or to be honest stupid. Life took care of me and proved me otherwise. Along my life, although i never relied on intuition, she was there to slap me in certain situations and remind me that i should have listened to her as she wanted to protect me from suffering or better said in words that i know today, tried to protect me from building traumas that shaped my character for the worse or better, probably i'll never figure this one out.

... here were some notes about my childhood ... delete ... i am not ready to share these ones and most probably i will never be as they are way to intimate. Note here: somebody once told me that they admire me for my courage to write publicly about so many things and my answer was that i only share what i am comfortable with to be known and that i am the one who controls the narrative and also that this is my way of having a constant therapy me with me. In case you didn't know, writing down stuff is one of the best forms of therapy.

About 8 years ago after a significant emotional shock, i was lied, I've decided to go to therapy in order to try and understand why (stupid me, that's not what therapy is for) and as a second objective was to make peace with the situation, forgive and try to repair the relationship. I always had in my set of values that if i say that i understand somebody than i really should understand them to the best of my mental capabilities, if i say "i forgive you" to somebody i truly mean it and no matter how we continue that is something that i never bring to discussion as i already told you that i forgive you and bringing it back would mean to cross my own words. And you see i still say about myself that everything that i have in this life are my dreams, my heart and my word, if i love you i mean it, if i forgive you i really am, if I am your friend i really am, if we broke up we really broke up, if our friendship ended it really ended. I put values on my words and stupid me i put value on others words also. I would have been a very bad politician :). I am an overthinker and when i tell somebody that i love them i already thought about all the motives i wouldn't love them. If i end something (a relationship, a friendship) is because people evolve (or involve), people change, feelings fade, traumas take leadership, traumas are being healed, people deceive and i already thought about all the ways in which we could continue and i couldn't find even the smallest solution possible.

Rewind back, this first therapy encounter was really interesting as i discovered things about me and helped me better understand myself. I even regrated that i didn't try therapy earlier preventive and as a vehicle for my psychological and emotional development. Never to late, important is to start. It was so interesting as i went with an open heart, open mind and totally honest and it helped me a lot. Prior to this i was proposed to go to couples therapy under the reason that we have problems, true that, but we had an even greater problem. After i went on my own to therapy i understood the base principle that if you don't go totally honest it will f*** you up and only by being honest with yourself and your therapist you can truly discover yourself and make positive changes in your life.

Family or let's start with the beginning. Where you are born and the bunch of people that are trying best to their knowledge to raise you properly and in most of the cases they manage to seed in you a set of good values and also a set of mindsets that will fuck you up. They didn't do it intentionally but the harm is done, usually it requires a lot of work from your side to break those patterns, good luck by the way. Based on what you see there you will create your first patterns about love and friendships, sometimes might be good sometimes might be shit :). If you are lucky enough in your life you will face a lot of situations in which you will refine or change this perception or you will remain stupid till your last breath, depending on your luck. Attention, these patterns will bring close to you people that for a period will be good for you or bad but this will start the learning process, hopefully. Or like they say these days the healing process, which by the way in my opinion this is a continuous process that should happen for the entire extent of your life. I am talking about the most common things like fear of abandonment that will later make you clingy, or the feeling that you are not good enough and later on you will not trust yourself and people will understand it as you don't trust them and also you will see it the same for a while, your parents separating which will ruin your trust in attachment and relationships because well hell what is the point if people break up, why even try. Scared of love also is quite often, you will desire all your life a certain thing that missed in your home or disappeared from your home at a certain point, and when you will find it guess what? it doesn't look familiar therefore you will run. Most of the men will be raised on the principle that you are men, you don't cry, you are not weak and you must f*** everything that moves. Most women will be raised that men are pigs but also if they are sensitive they are not men enough, and they must find a provider for the family. I am not saying that there are not also good things that are being sent over but you see the fact about bad habits is that in the eyes of the person in front of you will be the most important. What I am trying to say is that you can do everything the best you can and is enough to do a small thing like not making the bed or arguing about how you position a flower and boom that will say everything about your personality and guess what? you suck. Why? because it pushes some buttons.

I must intervein here on the provider note. Please but please read about what this term stands for. A provider never ever in history stood as a term for financial purposes. A provider provides sense of protection, safety, nurture, respect, loyalty, stability reliability in building a life together. Read it will not hurt your mind!

After this note we add another more recent note because i think it fits and well the hell with it, and this late hour in the night while i drink a cup of tea and went through all this wrings it makes sense to me.

Buttons aka triggers. Although my desire was to understand certain people and the world around me i quickly understood that going to therapy is about me first of all. If i go to therapy is not abut gaining the capacity of a false god and look at others and throw diagnoses regarding their personalities like i am Ronald McDonald throwing burgers at fat kids. I can look at me i can assume identify a certain reaction that a person has towards me in the specific moment but i can not put a diagnostic hence i don't know their entire life second by second and everything that happened in their life that shaped their personality in a certain way and also i am not a specialist. It's so good that we have more and more people going to therapy. It's fantastic that we have access to so many books about psychology and personal development. It's wonderful that we have so many podcasts and events in which therapist are explaining this interesting science of the mind. It's bad that after a book or two and a few therapy session everybody thinks they know psychology. You might even say that this the modern way of judging or i dare say bulling people by telling them that they are in a way or another and that they have traumas. No shit Karen (viral reference). Learn and grow but for yourself, personal wellbeing and improved life quality not to have the capacity to judge others while you are not even taking a peek in your backyard.

Second thing that i hate is as it follows we have X who studies psychology for several years and then choses a specialization for another few years and so on. And then we have Z who does a f*** on-line couching course for a couple of months and boom they are a coach. People are not capable of making a difference between the two and Z is on the hunt for easy money and boom here you go having chaos with people sinking in their traumas instead of improving their life. You see there is knowledge, science, passion and time investment (also financial investment) for X in order to reach the point where he can help you dive in your mind and hold your hand while you navigate your traumas towards a better life. Z invests just money and a small amount of time. Choose wisely, respect the science, you wouldn't choose a heart surgeon who took  his license after a few months on-line. I am not even entering in the details of the practice i just look around and see this incapacity of people in choosing who helps them look deep inside, this incapacity of people in understanding that the mind is such a strong yet fragile organ that should be treated with the help of a true professional. I  know people who are so proud that they are going to a couch and and they they help them in their lives, OK, you get some help but BOOM let me tell you something that i read, understood and found out in this 8 years journey through trauma. A good therapist will guide you and help you navigate with proper questions that will make you bring up the important questions and give the important answers while a couch or a bad therapist will answer your questions most of the time and that's bad so bad, you should answer. Nobody holds the higher moral authority over your deepest fears and oldest traumas in order to give your their opinions. They should guide you in such a way that you make your own discoveries, good or bad but make them. By this point i will get so much hate if i ever publish this that I will refrain myself from sharing stories. Oh i almost forgot about the therapy enthusiasts, who are they? they are those friends with whom you used to talk and after they recently discovered therapy instead of having friendly compassionate conversation with you they jump directly at saying: " ah, you have some childhood trauma, i had the same, but now i am going at Y and i am over it let me give you their number" No stupid, i was in need of a friendly chat, advice not in you telling me what i have and don't have and where i should go, at least have the decency to listen me till the end if we are friends; but NO Miss/Mister I discovered therapy now knows the secret to a good life after just 2 sessions. Stop your enthusiasm and focus on the journey, wait and see the changes, if you are serious and lucky enough to make any.

Third thing or the first or somewhere there but for user the thing that annoys me the most are the people who went a few times to therapy and read a couple of books and out of the sudden they start telling you what is wrong with you. I think i am repeating myself but i must deep dive a bit here. And in order to do this i will use bullet points :) ( who the F can i put in this form the smiley face with the teeth):

- my ex was toxic, how were you if they were toxic? a relationship is composed of two people. The interaction between those two is based on action and reaction and lots of communications if they want to make it work. Stop running from your own responsibility and what you did to contribute to that situations by calling the other toxic

- they have trauma. no shit Sherlock who doesn't?

- i went to a retreat and i discovered myself and through mediation after 1 week i am completely healed. No no no after 1 week you have less money in your bank account, not healed. And newsflash if you burn some palo santo in your house it will not purify your brain and bring the great something in your life, it will just make some nice smelling smoke that most probably will help you relax. This is just like the people who hold the religious fasting but they curse and speak bad of other people, it should be held with your mind and soul first of all not with your belly  you fat f*** just admit that you are holding it because you want to get thinner not a better human being.

- they are gaslighting (manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality) oh well let speak the truth here. First of all the term comes from a movie with same title from 1944 about deception's of one's reality. Second, somebody might try in a heavy conversation (popular term: fight) to convince you that a certain situation happened differently but if you are so smart that you throw terms like this have you taken the time to think or question that maybe this is how that person perceived the situation? what do you say if before judging you try to understand and get clarity and really understand what the person in front of you is up to. This is what a mature communication does gives you clarity or you could be a kid and say that you are gaslighted. In my country we have a saying that a lie has short legs, meaning that if you are in a hurry to throw the accusation that you are being gaslighted then you are the one lying and you are afraid that a conversation will prove this, while if your interlocutor avoids conversation than they are the ones lying. Way simpler i would say and definitely more clear and realistic, KIDS.

- they are a narcissist. No shit ? we all are in a way or another. Do you have some specialty studies and based on a lot of hours of therapy with that person you discovered that they suffer from a narcissistic disorder? i think not. Mister check my gym routine and Miss check my boobs and ass on social media stop judging you are in the same shit bucket like everybody.

- they are avoidant/anxious it's being thrown around like it's a disease. We are all one or the other and if you take some time to read about it you will find out the the secure type slides in  side or the other based on the actions from the person in front of them as a form of reaction, just in case you were preparing your self to jump on the throne of self diagnosis and say that you a have a secure attachment style. This one is also used as an excuse for any other behavior that one might have in order to hide their real actions or intentions and i think that this is really bad but hen again this is something that a person should be honest with himself in front of the mirror and rush to therapy to discuss about it.

- are you healed? i swear that this is one of the most superficial questions ever that deserves the most stupid answer ever. Healing from what? Childhood trauma ? - it might take all your life and you'll still never be healed. A person that was abused ? - they might make peace with what happened but i guarantee you that if you repeat on them the same actions the trauma will come back to light. From being cheated on? - be shady and i guarantee that they will instantly relieve the trauma. Being lied to? - lie to them and they catch you with the lie and they will relieve the trauma Being beaten ? - hit them and i guarantee that they will relive the trauma instantly. And so on the list might continue. A human being with the help of a therapist might understand situations from their past and make peace with them but this doesn't mean that they're memories are getting erased and when they face a similar situation they are not getting triggered. That's why i am saying that the true and best solution is love and communication. Love heals and communication helps avoid similar situations.

It's so disappointing that instead of being kinder, instead of threating people with humanity (i don't even dare saying empathy) we are quick to judge without knowing their background deepest thoughts. We don't want to understand that words hurt and some kind words or a good conversation will always, but always, get better results. And by better result i am referring to healthier human connections.

... back to older notes ...

Friends, damn, this is difficult and awkward. Generally, people will stick to their childhood friends for life even if they don't think alike anymore and their lives are totally different and the only foundation for their friendship will be history. Proximity friends whit which you will be friends because you leave in the same area, or because you can go out with them to a coffee and discuss unimportant things. Friendships are becoming more and more superficial as most of all will tend towards volume instead of quality and we will ignore shitty attitudes, lack of respect, or their amusement about your misery, and in the end, we will say this is who they are and you must accept people as they are. F*** no, people can change or you can change the people around you. Friends should support each other, be there in the good times and the bad times, and tell us when we are stupid instead of just blindly accepting our reasons and saying yeah you are right or shutting up when the situation is over their experience and restrain themselves from giving shitty advice. Loyalty, does anybody knows anymore what this means? I heard so many times around me about the friend who fucked fucked their friend boyfriend or the other way around girlfriend. WTF? Don't you se the stupidity in that sentence to start? You are still referring to that person as being a friend. People are not giving respect anymore like it is such an expensive currency. Respect to be respected it's simple and if somebody doesn't respect you and your close ones and their place is not around you. If somebody doesn't support your dreams than their place is not around you and i can continue for so long on this. 

I heard so many times regarding TRUST that this must be earned and i always said that people get 100% trust from my side and is up to them if they deceive me or not. I view it simple, like an investment, I invest my trust in you and if you take care of it our connection will be one based on trust, respect and loyalty and in time time it will transform in to a fantastic connection that has feelings also ( friendly love or romantic love). Funny enough people are getting scared when they hear this like they are preparing from the first second they've met me to double cross me :))))) At the opposite side i never understood that i must earn your trust., what do you mean? if you are expecting from the first second we've met that i will double cross you and you stay in your guard, a state of stress, why do you continue to hang out with me ? See the irony? and again i find myself in the position in which i remember an old saying: " the thief will always be scared on another thief".

Relationships, now it gets interesting.... and this is where my notes ended. 

Shall i write something here? most probably. Do I have something to write here ? ohohohohoh a lot. But you see relationships, the romantic ones because this is what we are talking about, happen later on in life we already gathered an decent bag of trauma from life. What are they doing they are building the second luggage of trauma :))) funny right? Here you will find the worse of  any society and honestly at this point i really don't want to bitter my mind and soul by deep diving here. We all have a baggage out of which a part stays in our responsibility to unpack and arrange in the closet while the rest is to be unpacked in good relationships full of love, kindness and be arranged. If all your life you had men/women that threated you bad in the right relationship you will be threated correctly and with love and like this you will make peace with your past (heal) and your part of the baggage is to see that this is correct and although not familiar to understand that it's correct and you place to stay. Open up discuss, share your trauma and trust that the person will take care by applying the band aid on top and not salt and if they add salt than they are not the right person. Important note here, don't idealize your partner, if you are not vulnerable they will not be able read your mind and know all this stuff and therefore navigate through them with love and holding your hand. If you decide that your trust is to be earned and you weren't vulnerable than you cannot complain that your partner pored salt on your wounds. Also the other way around in which if your partner opens up, shares their traumas and they are being vulnerable, listen and act accordingly or if you are not interested leave the premises before throwing some extra stuff in their trauma luggage.

What i am trying to say in this part is be kind, communicate, pay attention to each others values and choose LOVE.

Generally with everything written above i am trying to say that I am a firm believer that in our evolution process and with all the access to information instead of becoming better persons we are becoming worse persons and we forgot to choose LOVE.

society & fear & other nonsense

This is more a collection of notes written here and there along time which i don't think they have any connection one with the other. Like the previous stuff i wrote had :) I was thinking about the title and this makes sense to me as all those notes are being completed here and there with faded ideas that had been wondering around my mind.

For a while now i wanted to spit out my thoughts on SM ( social media, just to be sure you are not thinking about naughty stuff ). Everybody has an opinion on it and how it is so good and how it is so bad but let me just say that like everything in this world it has it's good and bad sides and also some realities that we should first accept in order to make such vehement statements about SM. I co own a marketing agency so due to my job i was required and i am still required to really understand how they work in order to better present them and sell the services to our customers, this just as a side note that i am not talking from a point of no knowledge. 

"Sad people are posting a lot on SM" which i think it's in the same family with "People who need validation post a lot on SM". I never understood why we throw around mean assumptions about people's reasoning without even knowing them, just like everything in nowadays everybody is a world renowned psychologist that can pass mental health diagnostics around. If you bring in to the discussion publicly know people ( the influencers ) that actually live from this everybody takes a step back and says yes but that's something different but it seems to me that nobody takes in to account that everybody needs to start from somewhere. So they are not sad or in search of validation, they are just people who have opinions and are really good at creating content and they could really create a career in this. Personal note here is that this people don't know what marketing for a brand means or creating a personal brand, they are just good content creators. You have the type of people who want to brag about what they have so they use SM, you can simply unfollow them if you are not interested and also you could understand that if that person buys an expensive car and park it in front of the restaurant he/she is doing the same thing, if they buy an expensive watch/jewelry and they constantly shake their hand so that you see the bling bling they are doing the same thing, if they buy expensive designer clothing on which the brand is written with huge letters they are doing the same thing. So don't you think that these people just like to brag? You have the people who post pictures only when they are on holyday, are they sad, happy or they just want to show you some beautiful places or the want to brag where they are ? A girl posts bikini pictures, maybe she has an OF (only fans)/video chat/ escort so she is promoting her line of work or she is an exhibitionist. Do you still think she is sad or in search of validation? Maybe somebody is just posting and building their self trust like this because they never got it from anywhere. You have they gym fanatics who post only pictures only from the gym, maybe they are dreaming about becoming a fitness coach or they want to motivate others or maybe that's the only interesting part in their life. Maybe they post interesting stuff that they find on the internet and think their followers would enjoy also, just think about it that without these people you would never find out about anything else outside your bubble. What I am trying to say is that people use SM for different scopes and in my opinion it becomes a condition only in the moment when they are hunting likes and followers, otherwise they are just using SM as that is the main idea to create content find content and too share it otherwise if everybody would stop doing this you would no longer have SM. 

The dangers that is see are that people think they know people based on what they post when in fact they only see what they want to share. Nobody lives a fully happy and rich life like they share and you must be aware of that. Don't get influenced by what you see on SM and think that you should be in a way or another. Be inspired by what you see and if it fits you start working on it. Everybody shares their good moments because everybody is scared of showing their bad moments, because nobody wants to see sad stuff. That perfect looking girl/boy uses a tone of filters and edits and each one of us is just perfect in their own way and yes we can become better but because we want to not because we aim for a virtual ideal that is altered.

Just think what a great opportunity is SM to feed you interior artist ( we all have it ) music, painting, writing, photography and so on, just share it without looking for likes in time your tribe will find you. If you don't like what somebody is posting just unfollow them, it's so easy. If you like what somebody is posting follow, like and share. That's how SM works.

NONSENSE that i don't understand about SM:

1. creating fake accounts to stalk on somebody. You are a stalker and this a serious medical condition and you should go see a therapist

2. close friends. Why? you can have your account private and accept as followers only the people you want so why do you have there people who are close and people who you want too see what you are doing and people who you want too see only a part of what you are doing. Are you ok ? you have the power of controlling it in a more mature way. Highschool was such a long time ago.

3. mute. If you simply don't want to see what somebody is posting just use unfollow. And the person that get's unfollowed, GROW THE FUCK UP, it doesn't mean they have a problem with you, it just means that they don't like or they are not interested in what you post. It's like going to a museum you pass by a painting and the painter comes and slaps you because you didn't look at their painting, WTF ?!?

4. and the last one, which is the worst in my opinion. ARCHIVE. So you are hiding pictures/videos from your profile that you don't want other people to see anymore but from time to time you want to look at them. Most people have there most pictures with their exes, so from time to time you want to look at pictures of your exes. From where does this desire to live in the past comes? This reminds me of the time when i wrote about people who still keep pictures with their exes on SM under the reasoning that "they were an awesome person" If they are so awesome why aren't you together anymore ? If you feel the need from time to time to look at pictures of you and your ex together why don't you reach out to them and get back together? You could simply have the pictures on your PC or an external hard drive because OK they are memories but not at hand available in every moment among your favorite pics, when you think about them to have a look. It's simply not healthy. Or if you are still there soul or mind wise, shake your ego and reach out as you will never be able to build something new like this. Spoiler alert for all time travelers sometimes this pics still appear in search and if you waist your time in hiding pictures than make sure your remove your tags from pictures with your exes also ;).

One more note about SM, and you can call this a personal frustration, if you have friends or acquaintances that start a business or they are an artist at the start of the road support them with a view, like, follow, share as trust me this will not take money from your account. ;)

Enough about SM as the the longer i linger on the topic the more bad behaviors i see and usage of it that come from fear (not to say hate, which also comes from fear).

And like this we move to fear and i don't think i to much to write about it but it is a faded idea there deep in my mind. We all have been through experiences, childhood, teenage years, mature relationships. These all left a mark on our souls and behavior. So you see, i think that after each happening you have a small but hard choice to make, either you take the fearful approach and in order to protect yourself you will build walls and walls just to be sure that you will never get hurt again. I think you are missing one essential point here that destiny/life has it's own way and sooner or later with all your defenses you will repeat the same suffering or even bigger. And this is not about learning some weird lessons. Or you could walk in courage and better define what are you searching and only like this you might just might avoid the same suffering but funny enough a different one will come. I really think that in this life if you want happiness you must be willing to embrace suffering with courage. Running from suffering will only put you on a sure path towards it while being opened might help you avoid the same suffering and experience new ones but this ones i am so sure that they come with equally happiness. Just because someone acted in a certain way in our past and made us suffer we hide behind walls that we call boundaries screaming out loud that we learned our lesson. Don't you think that if you really learned your lesson you will know how to act in courage and not make any potential friend or emotional relationship go to a series of trials but the opposite you will make a better decision to start with and you will treat these new person with the clean slate that they disserve. This doesn't mean that you will not get hurt but it increases the chances not get hurt in the same manner or even worse to miss out on people that could be your people. You can call this FOMO but i call it giving a chance to good, good people, good happenings, good life.

Another note that found it's way here it's around something that happens so often, at least here in my country. He / she comes from a good family. 🤬🤬🤬 Or how to offend and seem like you are a high value person that surrounds itself with high values persons. But to better understand this let me share some realities:

- we are a virgin democracy

- in the 90's our society split between people who could steal, people who wanted to work, people who started building businesses. and people who started doing small trade

- well you see nobody got out of communism with money unless they were being an informer or already stealing and that's why we have a consistent class of people who started a business

Some were able to build sustainable business while others just made some money while others just struggled through those years. Years later in nowadays we have their kids which are referred to as coming from a good family just because their parents have money. If their parents were doctors, police or any other state function just try to imagine that for the first half of our democracy the main currency around here was bribe.

This bring me to my point how can we call today this former kids as coming from good families when there was no morals or care towards the social good ?

Around here society calls politicians as quality educated people while everyday you find out from media about their beginnings and how they faked their diplomas. Around here if you buy a Mercedes or BMW or Audi from the 2000's you are considered that you made it in life despite the ones who have any other car brand. Around here you are looked at as a successful person if you have an apartment but nobody looks/asks if that was bought with your own worked money or your parents money. Around here it's a habit to hire your kid or transfer him your business and afterwards they are called exceptional people although they were not able to land a job on their own or build something on their own. 

And i am not talking about everybody but about the majority and how the rest of the people look at them. It's sad that we evaluate people based on what they have from their parents and not on what they were able to build, it's sad that we evaluate people on what they have and not on their morals and how thy act in society. In SM we venerate people that gather in high end places on their parents money and we refer to them as being quality people who come from good families.

And sadly so sadly at the end of the day you have good hard working people evaluated and labeled not based on who they are as humans but based on what their parents were able to accomplish financially not morally. So let's all agree that coming from a good family means a family from where you've got a good education, morals and love not material stuff. In order not to be misunderstood we have a few just few who got education, love and material possessions from their parents and build morals on their own and they must be respected for this.

Unfortunately this time it seems i am not closing with a positive vibe but hey there are some positive notes along the way. 

P.S. this were small notes wrote in the last year while sitting alone enjoying a coffee and thinking about better days

oh really / dating part 3

Muahaha and I never thought I was going to have a part 3 to this (dating parts 1 and 2)...only bad words are coming to my mind so I am going to refrain myself and just before starting to write I renamed it to "oh really" as in mind it announces to be a huge salad of everything with a dressing of dating experiences.

Actually, it's a bit combined, a bit of everything from this madness that surrounds us. As usual opinions and stories are chaotically blended to try and feed that small hope within. About my hope? It's obvious from everything I write.

There is no secret that many of us are using dating apps. I discovered that the purpose we use it for is different. I looked at it as another way to meet new people and maybe meet my person. It seems that fellow man uses it to find f*** dates and it works and even transforms in relationships sometimes. Me stupid 🤣. On the other side, I talked about the topic before but I learned enough from stories and my own experience to write about how it continues.

Scenario 1: you match, you say hello and that's it

Scenario 2: you match, you say hello and after a couple of weeks she responds by saying that she doesn't use the app too much 

Scenario 3: you match, you say hello and after a few days she says she doesn't use the app and gives you the Instagram ID where she doesn't answer.

--- I remember that a few years ago a teacher from the University of Communication and Public Relations was advising the students to create a Tinder profile, match everybody, give them an Instagram ID, and in no time they will become influencers. And me, stupid, I am selling my customers social media strategies and telling them about valuable content🤣. ---

Scenario 4: you match, and you receive the price offer. BONUS: profiles that in one of the pictures already have the price displayed.

Scenario 5: you match, you talk for a couple of days and ask for Instagram ID to see more pictures and ask her out for a date but you get a NO. No, because you are in a hurry and before moving the conversation to Instagram you should get to know each other better. Wtf??? If you meet her in the club, coffee shop, street, or anywhere you talk for a couple of minutes and then exchange Instagram or phone numbers to go on a date and get to know each other. Call me stupid but I really don't get what's the catch here. 😵‍💫

Scenario 6: or what can be called normality, you match, you chat, you move the conversation to Instagram ID, and.... muahahaha it cannot be that simple but I will continue later on as it's mixing with other scenarios.

Or I am trying to make you read more of my faded ideas. 😬

This part might have had a dedicated part with a title inspired by Dr. Dre, b**** a** men, but actually, it's about boys who are men by age and think of themselves as being men because girls who think of themselves as being women call them men. If it sounds complicated read that again because I am asking what is a man without honor, without respect, without manners?

Recently I attended a party and while waiting in line for a drink I overheard the two guys behind me talking about some girls that they are small and stupid and for sure they will manage to get them drunk and f*** them. I remained in my mind with the question: why would you want to f*** a drunk girl, and how damaged can you be to try and get drunk a girl just to have sex with her. I walked around the party a bit and I saw them next to a girl I knew (too much said, we talked a few times) and although I don't do this I walked right to her to say hi hoping they would go away without creating any drama. I think it worked as they soon left. Later on, somehow, they ended up talking with some girls that were next to me and what caught my attention was the pick-up line "What's up, doll? ", in English doesn't sound that bad but in Romanian, it's really bad. They smiled and off it was the conversation with exchanging names and everything. Me stupid 😂 thinking that being polite is the way while if you are a jerk the doors are opening, sorry I meant to say legs. A while back a buddy was trying to show me pictures and hook me up with his ex, and then with his sister till the point I told him that I would never do that, exes of people I know are off limits, and family it's off like extremely off and I could never do that. Funny was that a girl in the group called me a sucker for this. Maybe she is right, me and my stupid principles and values, I should f*** everything that has a pulse but unfortunately my d*** stayed on the table in school and it's not dumb when it should have stayed beneath so that later in life I can say the local famous line " my d*** doesn't know school”.  

In this part of the world (not only in my country) people are full of envy and they have no clue what supporting others means. They limit their kindness only to the people they know but god forbid that those people somehow try to get ahead of them because then the envy really starts. A few years ago I went out to a club and an acquaintance, and after a few glasses and dancing he told me that girl was looking at me. She looked really nice and hence I am not that to be too full of fluff i continued to dance and have fun and from time to time looked her way trying to catch the moment when our eyes could meet. The moment happened later on that night, went to her, chatted a bit and after exchanging phone numbers it remained that we would see each other the next day over a coffee as she was with her friends and me the same. After having one more drink I called it a night as I was really tired. The next day my " friend" called me to tell me how the rest of the night went for him: 

Him: Brooooo, why did you leave, it was so much fun?

Me: I was tired bro and it was already 4 o'clock in the morning wtf

Him: Anyways, do you remember the chick you talked with?

Me: Yes

Him: What did you talk with her?

Me: Easy chat, we exchanged numbers and it remained that we would see each other later on today for a coffee.

Him: Yeah, anyway, after you left I saw that she was looking at me so I went to her, we talked, we had some shots then we kissed, she is really awesome dude.

Me stupid, as I thought she was not that type and thought that my "friend" would act the same as me. How? I would have told her that not long ago she talked with a friend of mine and I don't do that. But hey, me stupid. :))

When I tried starting my second business in event planning none of the people I called friends from that time attended any of the parties I was organizing or even a like on Facebook. People here (especially the ones over 28-29) really don't want to see anybody make it in life if it's not them. Years later when our paths crossed again one of them in his stupidity even confessed that they were gathering in the days I was having parties and they were making fun of me while every time I was hoping that they would come also. I continued and it worked just fine but on my work, ambition, and perseverance maybe I will write sometime with the hope that it will motivate somebody to follow their dreams.

Never let shitty people make you forget who you are and all the beautiful dreams that you are made of.

Back to Scenario 6 and how it plays on from that point.

Oh well just to be in line with the fact that the summer Olympics are taking place as I am writing, my conclusion is that our national team should have had at least 1.000.000 members.😬 Everybody here goes to the gym all the time. You have all the gyms full and all the parks almost empty during morning or evening time, most probably a memo about sport in the open air was sent out at a certain point but I didn't get a chance to read it. Actually, I think it's more about the fact that if you go to the park you are poor and if you go to the gym you are somebody. The part with the parks applies to dating also but I am coming back to it later on.

There are girls with which I talked and I tried several times asking them out after work and the reply was: " I cannot after work, I must go to the gym and if you want we can try somewhere around 9-10 PM or on the weekend". Me stupid as I didn't know that you can go dating only on the weekends. It must be said that these girls were all persons stating that they wanted to meet somebody and have a relationship.😂Oh well if you don't make time to meet somebody I think that's impossible. Don't get me wrong, I am totally pro for taking care of your health and body but this is a bit extreme if you ask me.

Then we have the Romanian Sleep Olympic Team, I know it's not a sports discipline but we would for sure win it. Question: Would you like to go to a movie, a coffee, or a theater play after work? Answer: ah after work I need to get home and take a nap as I am so tired from work, wouldn't you want to do this on the weekend? 

Recharging category that makes the connection to the next one. Question: Would you like to grab a brunch on Saturday morning? Answer: On Saturdays, I take time to rest and reconnect with myself as I am so tired from work, let's try Sunday and go on a date on Sunday but no later than 8 PM as I need to get ready for the next work week.

Career first and then the rest of life. I was talking back in February, quite a lot with a girl, and after several failed attempts to ask her out, she told me that she likes me a lot but for the moment she is very focused on her career and a certain project and she doesn't have any free time. Afterward, she asked me really nicely if we could schedule a date for the 8th of July as that's her first actual free day for the next months. Just to save you time on calculating, that's 4 months later. I answered politely that this was not the case for me and it was what it was. Guess who reached out to me on the 7th of July evening?

Patience the best is yet to be written and if I am being really honest with how this year is going I could say that the best is yet to happen.

We had Coldplay in Bucharest for 2 days in a row concerts. They invited on stage to sing along with them a local singer. This singer sings manele. The fun begins. This boy is no1 in trending and this was the criteria based on which he was chosen for the joint performance. Most of the Romanians after a couple of glasses start moving their hips on this music manele but nobody admits it. The hypocrisy. On the first day when the kid started singing the entire stadium started booing, just imagine the amount of stupidity. If you can't imagine just think about 60.000 people being idiots at the same time. Immediately that night and the second morning everybody started commenting that this was not appropriate, that the people didn't pay for this shit, and so on, even the people who didn't attend the concert. In front of me, there was a couple with him the classical local corporate employee who earns more than he deserves, and just because he earns a lot he thinks he is smart also, and her average woman who accepts anything from the stupid because he is a provider.  They were not the only ones, you know the type, we are not happy, we are not enjoying this but it's a must to be here; I was surrounded by a few exceptions. Anyway, he was visibly drunk already and when the manele moment started he started booing and cursing making his wife visibly embarrassed. At a certain point, she asked him nicely to stop and he just yelled at her "Are you stupid? You made me pay for this shit" and she just let her head down. They left together holding hands because we have a saying in Romania " he is stupid but he is my stupid". On the second day, nobody booed because maybe they were the civilized 60.000, or maybe they were embarrassed by all the shit that happened the night before and they were afraid to be called racists.

A few years ago nobody was admitting that they were listening to this style of music called manele but almost everybody was doing it. For a few years now a lot of people have been looking at the "Love Island" Romania edition but people are ashamed of this and that's how we move to the next topic. 😬

So the idea is simple, most of the female temptations are doing OF and they entitle themselves as content creators or entrepreneurs, while most of the male temptations are fitness instructors and they call themselves entrepreneurs. These temptations are trying to tempt so-called couples into cheating just to prove to them that they are in the wrong relationship. This is damn funny and damn sad at the same time as it describes so well our society. Content creators, fitness, sleep, and so-called psychology experts. Funny note, a part of the couples have the same jobs as the temptations.😂 This season we have a couple formed out of a working man and a woman who doesn't work. Awesome, right? She calls herself the investment and every time her partner makes a mistake she makes a drama but then she says she is sorry as she is so aware that actually he bought her at the cheap partner's fair. And like this, we come back to the main topic.😬

A while back a girl matched with a man on Bumble (I am giving app suggestions also 😂) they talked and talked and they dated and the date went good and afterward they talked again and when he wanted to date again she said that she actually dated him because she wanted a job at his company. And there you have stupid people with LinkedIn profiles instead of going to dating apps, you get a free dinner, a job, way better.😬

As usual, I want to close on a positive note and I really use this to feed my hope. Since the beginning of the year after witnessing some shitty situations, I said that if I want to find a good loyal woman that wants me for who I am as a human being I need to start being a jerk. I listened in this month some more stories about exes from different women and experienced some moments that only strengthened this belief. So if somebody would be able to rewire my manners, brain, values, and heart that way I would be up for it by this point, I think.😬 It's sad to meet girls for which you open the door and say that this is weird for them as it hasn't happened before for them or to tell you that for sure this is a method of conquering them and that I do this only on the first date and when I do it on the third also they are amazed that I continue to do this. Sad really sad. I read a while back a quote that said something like, that every girl falls in love with one or more jackasses in a row that don't behave well and cheat and so on and this becomes their normality. I think this applies to both sexes and the most f***ed up part is when they finally meet somebody who acts right and wants them for who they are and that is so unknown for them that they reject it or they become the jackass.

Not so positive right? Oh well, that's life. A few days ago I caught on video a moment in which a couple and their kid were enjoying a rainy summer evening with the kid jumping in all puddles and laughing so loud that I could hear him from my car. I posted this on Instagram stories as it was filmed through the raindrops on my window and I was violating anybody's intimacy, with the following lines: " You dream of self-discovery, a career, a big house, an expensive car, traveling the world, investments, early retirement and... / I dream of this / a happy kid within a happy family. / We are not the same." I didn't expect this to get too many likes and it didn't. Also, I didn't expect to receive so many comments defending all the material wishes while overlooking the soul wish and this was disappointing, this tells us (or at least me) what is more important for people in our days. It took me a while to pick back up my dreams but after a day I remembered an old saying "Every forest has its thickets" and right away (as a genuine overthinker) I said to myself that this forest seemed to be a huge dry area and the next thing in mind was a picture with a flower growing out of concrete in a middle of a city. If you have a good heart and you walk daily on concrete I promise you that one day you will find your flower. I am sure.

dating part 2

So this was a long time coming :) at least for me as I had so much stuff gathered that were just waiting to be written down. I am not necessarily happy with the tile but somehow there is a connection. If till now I was just taking some time and I was starting to write, this time is different as I gathered all the small posts I had written on my phone or longer ones that I have written on the remarkable. Chaos and most probably impossible to understand but the short stories delight or jump on your nerves. I have started quite a few times writing the second part and every time with a different tone idea. Why didn't I ever finish (joke: good guys always finish last) well I met someone then I fell in love with somebody else and then I met somebody else and I was focusing my thoughts and presence there and on the other projects I have going on. But hey, that's life so now, being single it's the moment to gather all those bits and pieces under one roof and complete it with what I remember.

Fun fact: the first part "dating" got almost 1000 views and a lot of messages on Facebook and Instagram. Some love, some hate, and again some love, and some frustrations. For a dude that writes for him mainly and for whomever wants to read, without having a target audience this is really nice, especially that I am writing here which is so old, right? 

If you don't like it just close the window, if you read it and pissed you off, gooooood, that's something to think about or at least that's what I am doing in my everyday journey in trying to become a better person.

Of course, my previous post was from the male perspective, genius yeah you, as I am a man although I am pretty sure I have tried to put myself in the other shoes. Now I will take advantage of the fantastic resource called my friends as I have a few women friends with whom along the time I discussed dating and also I was raised by 2 strong fantastic women.

Also, I might repeat myself but as I always said I am not reading what I am writing, I am not an elephant soooooooo I don't remember everything line by line, and if I am not sure I will write it again :).

I heard a huge number of stories from women that the guys they dated were not so exciting as in the online chat, that the date went awful and then they were really shady close to psychopaths and they started showing up in front of their house once they were told that they will not date again. In my honest opinion, these guys should be isolated and have their balls tased but it happens. And I have just a simple question, why the f*** do you ask (in most cases) or accept to be picked up from home (your personal space) by a total stranger? ladies ladies at least wait to have a date and see how he behaves and afterward, if it's the case he could take you home. Yes it's not normal but it happens; it's just like with the money you keep them in the bank because it's not safe to keep them under your mattress.

The selection process to date it's awful for both women and men so the logical conclusion is that both sides suck big time but I don't think so and I will try to express my point in the following mini stories. Also, I am a firm believer that assholes will find their way to assholes (I don't know the female equivalent), cheaters will find cheaters, and good people will find good people. The whole idea is to open and refine your selection process. It's not a solution to be stupid and after you had a couple of bad experiences to decide to stay alone and label everybody as being the same as you are sabotaging yourself big time. It's not a solution to become a shitty person just because somebody else was shitty to you and so on, you get the idea. Today's add to this, the chances that the above happens are getting thinner and thinner if you ask me but hey that's why at the bottom of the box the only one remaining was HOPE.

Lately, on social media, there is a trend in which females film a bouquet of flowers and then say what a man sees - her smile when she gets them and then they film themselves who they take care of those flowers and smell them every day and rearrange them - what a man doesn't see. Very nice. Like I said in the previous post I dated a lot ( not because I am picky but because I know what I want, but this is another topic) and I cannot even tell you how many women just forgot the flower on the table and they were amazed why we don't date the second time. And then you have the multitude of women that have at least 1 picture with them and a giant bouquet of roses. Ladies (I better say girls) only a man that wants fo just f*** you will enter that competition and bring you a bigger bouquet. Yes men are genetically built and they are motivated by competition but not when it comes to a woman he looks at as a good woman that he wants to introduce to his mother, in this situation a man will either ignore this if you have many other qualities that he saw in you or he will just move away in his search of a good woman. I said it so many times, men, are simple creatures; we compete when it's just about the body count otherwise we provide trust and we don't want to live with the idea that maybe somebody else is better, we want to be better for you, we want to conquer you every day just because we love you not out of fear. 

And here opens the door to this principle that seems lost in our days: value the effort that is being done for you not because they might lose you, there's a big difference. There is a old saying that when they feel a relationship goes to shit the man proposes while the woman has a baby. STUPID !!! value what it's honestly done for you from the heart not what's done out of fear. HUGE DIFFERENCE.

A girl was telling the story of how she met a guy online and he seemed very nice and all so they dated. everything was exceptionally good (as she said), " he took me to an expensive restaurant on the first date, brought a huge bouquet of flowers, awesome. They dated for a week and everything was really really nice. One week later from the first date, she invited him to her place. Honestly, if you're not both under 20-something i don't see why would you do that, ladies leave aside the masculine energy a bit. He said yes, and they went home and had an awesome round of sex after which he jumped out of bed spotted herm called her a f****** prostitute and he left. I will not even judge here as no matter the context it's not ok to do something like that so honestly he should be hunted down the street by several women with crossbows who shoot arrows up his ass at every step. Piece of s***. 

I dated once, I repeat once, a girl who was working in the video chat industry. Why? curiosity and to be honest the conversation went really nice online. Basic questions bla bla, we got to what each one of us wants from life and from a partner. Stupid me started saying stuff like loyalty, respect, support, love, family values. Then her turn came, and no word about values, principles, or other meaningless stuff like this, I am ironic, she directly said that she was looking for a man who earns more than her and would spoil her. End. I was shocked so I asked, ok ok but some human characteristics not only the material ones? Ah yes normally he should be tall (checked) and good-looking (I don't know what to say but i think she had some problems with her eyes and too much screen time). It was clear that the data was ending there but naive as I am (or too opinionated) I had to say my peace: if I take 2 extra jobs and still I will not be able to earn in a year how much you earn in 3 months and honestly, that amount of wealth it's held by less than 1% of earth population so good luck with that. Her answer was, well I don't plan on having a relationship or marrying a brokee :)) Needless to say she was somewhere around 35 and she was so sure that she will get married and have babies one day. Good Luck.

And now let me guess all the moral people will jump to conclusions and say well hey what did you expect? honestly, I was raised to treat everybody no matter the occupation with respect and I am a firm believer that each one of us makes better or worse decisions in our life based on the context we find ourselves, so if you don't know the story don't judge till proven otherwise.

On the topic, there is a young girl influencer from a neighboring country who besides serving as a really bad model lately started being spotted in Dubai in the company of rich old people and she is bragging about the presents she gets. Sad? yes Is her mother the one filming all of her online content? yes Does she have more than 4 million followers? yes, but then again like the feminists say her body - her choice. I will not even draw any conclusions here besides, please raise your daughters better. On this feminist line, I must say that I find it so sad that so many impressive women (real ladies) fought in history so that women get rights and equal opportunities and unfortunately more and more of their followers choose prostitution as a career.

Talking with many of my female friends over time, after they passed the deep criteria based on which they select the man (he shouldn't be rich but he should have enough for a restaurant - no park dates, he shouldn't live with his parents - it seems this is a common thing :(, he should be tall, he should have a car and so on) they reached a very sad and concerning thing saying that men no longer open the restaurant/car door, men no longer bring flowers, men no longer make compliments, men no longer hold chairs. Again, stupid me, asked but why do you date them, enter in relationships with them if they don't do these things that you clearly crave? "Oh, well, it's not like you cannot live without these things". SAD. Although I might sound misogynistic ladies this is your fault, if you would stick by your values, principles, and human needs not material stuff you would educate men and they will be better for you or the next one, but better. This means feminism ;).

My father didn't have a car when he met my mother and most probably your dad didn't have one also when he met your mother and that's why their marriages hold and your relationships don't. This applies for both sexes on different parts as this is not only about cars. My father didn't have his home when he met my mother and most probably your dad didn't have one also when he met your mother. And I could continue a lot here but the moral of the story is that people were looking at people not at what they have. 

In my country, we have a lot of jokes about BMW owners (that target MERCEDES and AUDI owners also) as out of the desire to look rich they buy very old and cheap cars that break down a lot but they look rich. Society makes jokes but still values and looks at them as people with financial potency. I remember many years ago I went on a trip to the western part of the country and I met a boy who worked abroad in agriculture in order to gather money to renovate his 1 room house and he was planning to go again the next season in order to buy a cheap BMW (3-4 thousand). Nothing bad except the final reason, I must buy this type of car otherwise none of the girls in the village look at me and they consider me poor, this is what we all do here. And i was just wondering why girls who didn't have anything also wanted boys who had things that their fathers accomplished in their 50's? Later on in life, I understood. From here I split it into one story and one social conclusion.

I live in a weird space, a Latin country surrounded by Slavic countries, with an interesting mix in our culture between Western European appetite and culture, oriental influences, and Slavic behavior. We are so mixed and this makes us somehow complicated but simple at the same time and you might wonder what's the connection?

I understood that basically in our society women want respect, to work, and to have opportunities just like in Western Europe till it comes to that equality that they have there, and here comes the catch because here they want equality but the men to earn more. Some want it like this while others pick up slackers and give them money for cigars and gambling. And other on purpose search for men with lower income and lower career opportunities so that they feel in charge and control them. And here comes the strong Slavic influence in which they don't work and just want a provider and spend their 20's in this search some are lucky but most of them end up with a shitty job and one holiday per year on the terrace of Dubai Mall in the search of that provider. The mix with oriental here is that the parents tell them to choose the one that pays for their rent or something else and they look for him to look good also. As time passes parents insist on getting married and finding someone for you, if he has doesn't matter the character or the looks, he must take care of you. And this comes from the fact hat they lived in very poor times and you might say that they want what's best for their kids but they are wrong because they forget what built their marriage. PARTNERSHIP based on common values with a lot of struggle but also a lot of happiness.

And so a lot of the boys and girls get married they have a kid and they divorce as the foundation was never there.

So you see, our society is rotten deep down.

Parents that came from nothing provide for their kids and teach them that normality is to have. They buy homes and cars for their kids because they didn't have but in the process, they teach them that this is normal to have. Where is the work, where is the personal accomplishment when everything is being given to one on a plate? The result is no responsibility and no respect towards the ones that make it on their own. In our country, we have a saying that the parents' home is never to be sold but guess what all these kids will do once you're gone.

A while back I matched with a woman on a dating app who had in her bio that she appreciates a good gentleman and I was curious. I know one of these days my curiosity will kill me. After exchanging a few lines with her I asked what means a gentleman for her? Her answer: " A man that can provide and fulfill all his women's needs" :)) I tried searching for the code of good manners and sent her the link but no luck :( so I continued the conversation trying to find out if she was looking for anything else in a man like respecting her, not cheating on her, and so on but no luck she picked on my question calling me a cheap person. I felt offended therefore I replied by saying ok I can provide but this means that if we get together I can do whatever I want to which she replied no and finally started enumerating those important core values. After this, I asked why didn't she tell me this in the beginning when I asked as these are more important values. She replied that these are in second place as importance. I dared try to reach a moral lesson by telling her that unfortunately, we are both on the same dating app alone and clearly she should change her criteria if she is alone. " No worries honey I have a lot of admirers" why don't you date any of them? "Because they are not true gentlemen. UNMATCH before I could say anything else so no luck in trying to change a mindset.

A while back i dated a girl, she was dreaming about a family kids, and everything nice. Although she was almost 38 she was very proud that she never used the kitchen in her home and that her mother was cooking still bringing her food every other day. Her expectation was that when she will find that man they will hire somebody to cook for them and the kids. Her parents bought her the house and the first car that she sold and with the money she gathered, bought an AUDI. While she was spending all her money on travel and clubs. It's easy to spend all your money on trips and say that travel is your passion ( very popular in my country) when you have zero responsibilities. We have 2 very popular influencers who made a similar popular joke that they cannot date a man with SKODA OCTAVIA (very specific I know) as that is not a man or he is a sad man. Guess what car do I have? :))

Coming back to the story, now that you have the context. We went on the first date and when we left I offered myself to drive her home, and she accepted. While talking in the car after I told her that I had my driving license for only 2 years she replied the following: "Oh, that explains the car then, after you get more experience you will want a quality and more comfortable car." :)) 2 days later we dated again (I know I am a masochist but by this point, I was already curious) but that day I was at the car wash and they moved the chairs. When she got in she started searching for the lever to push her chair back, after a couple of minutes in which I enjoyed the show I told her that she has electric controls on the side. Her reply: "Ah, haha, at my car even the driver seat has a manual lever". There was no 3rd date.

The moral of the story is that here we value more appearance and how people look at us instead of how we are feeling. It's important what somebody has not who somebody is.

I was looking a while back at 3 couples of friends who were going through a divorce at the same time. All 3 marriages with verbal and physical abuse over the years but guess what, the woman never left, and in all 3 cases, the boy (sorry but I cannot call a man a person who measures his power with a woman) was the one who decided on the split and asked for the divorce. I must admit that this left me wondering for a while what is the point in being polite and being a good person if the secret is this? Especially when in our fucked up society you hear women saying stuff like " She was asking for it" or "Some women really deserve it" and mothers giving advice like "The man will cheat, maybe hit you sometimes but if he comes home and takes care of the family you must stay there". People. people, WTF is wrong with you this is not OK. I cannot stress enough the importance of education as this is visible now and these people have kids of their own who in 10 -15 years they will date with even fucked up values (sorry non-values).

Don't get me wrong I've met meet women with morals also but unfortunately in our society, they pale and they are not valued, and most of the time they settle for shit and end up changing for the worse.

For almost 3 years on every date, I have a question that I always ask on the first date: When did your last relation end? ( please pay attention as I am saying relation not stating which type). I was told that women ask this also in order to find out and judge if the respective man is emotionally available as they are referring to a romantic relationship. 

Short story: a friend of mine started dating this woman and when he asked the above she said that she divorced almost 2 years ago. when the ex-husband started making midnight calls and so on he asked what was wrong with the dude that after 2 years he was making this shit. Her answer was: actually I divorced 6 months ago and actually and we just separated not divorced yet.

A short statement from the feminine side: always in my life I have found my next relationship while I was in the current one but it was ending anyway.

Back to me and my question as most of the time I received answers like 2 years, 6 months, 3 years, 10 months, and so on. Till I started asking extra: so you tell me that you haven't had sex since 2 or 3 years ago or 6 months and so on depending on the case. Every time the answer to this second question was: Oh no no, I had several other relationships but not romantic ones or I have a fuck buddy, and bla bla. I thought you were asking about my last romantic relationship. :))) No, I asked about a relation any relation as I want to know how many people are we going to be at least in the beginning.:))) some were honest and the answers received were like this:

- aaaaaaaaa i met with my fuck buddy this morning

- aaaaaaaaa i was dating somebody for the past 1 month till last evening

- aaaaaaaa i had a fuck buddy till 1 month ago

- aaaaaaaa i had a one-night stand 2 nights ago

- aaaaaaaa i ended the last relationship 1 year ago but it was a long relationship and we still seen each other till last month

- aaaaaaaaa i ended the last relationship 6 months ago but he is a great person and we are really good friends now

Why do I want to know this? Oh well:

- if the other dude fell in love he will try to get back with you

- the other dude will send flowers, you will think they are from me and you will call me to thank me, awkward moment

- the other dude will call your phone while we are making love, awkward moment

- I am at your place and the other dude comes by with flowers and cookies trying to get you back and I am there, awkward moment

- and my favorite all time is that these dudes really have a lot of time on their hands and they start stalking my social media every f**** time and this is how I know that it's fresh stuff

They are not to blame from my perspective and you have my trust 100% from the start and if I catch feelings I will suffer and if it was a long relationship over there after you have some fun with me for a while you will go back to him and I will suffer again.

The shitty thing is that people don't admit relationships and they invented all other terms like situanioship, fuckfriends, just friends, and so on when honesty saves everybody's time and means kindness towards other persons hearts. I, myself if we kissed I am there 100% if we have sex we are clearly in a relationship and I want to build with you as I said from the start that I date to marry not for fun. You cannot pass through life either a woman or a man erasing people from your history that's called lying and lies have short legs, always.

So you see we have a severe lack of morality or a pandemic of selfishness. Sex has become so meaningless and people forget that sex can be beautiful and an experience once the connection is created and is being built. No, we have sex once or a few times and that's it because we see something that for sure we don't like. How do fuck did we reach the point in which we feel more comfortable to suck each other intimate parts but we don't feel comfortable talking. Everybody is afraid of communication but they are not afraid of STD's, imagine that.

Communication builds relationships, and honesty makes relationships strong. Short or long they are all relationships because if you walk down the street and you bump into your parents by accident you will not introduce the person next to you as your situation, or your fuck buddy but as your girlfriend/boyfriend. For the ones searching for the loophole, no, you cannot say a friend because you don't fuck with friends.

A few weeks ago I went to a club in the expensive area of my hometown where you can find girls that barely afford the Uber searching for men with money who are being hunted by the leasing companies to take their cars back for non-payment. But this is not about this now because I think I can write a lot about this area and the people who want to act rich with an empty belly. Although it was a super nice evening the only thing that was stamped on my memory was a young girl, maybe in her early 20's. with an old man, maybe in his 50's. By looking at her you could tell that she wasn't enjoying herself too much. Then a second old man came and they were both touching her all over her body. She was smiling at them and touching the back till a certain point when she turned her face towards the stage and she had the emptiest and saddest look I had ever seen in my life. For what you poor girl? for what? no amount of money will ever fill the void in your heart.

I was thinking of apologizing but if somebody feels offended, good, maybe you will realize something and make a change in your life or in the education you offer your kids. If not you can unfollow, or unfriend me as I know that truth hurts every f**** time but also once is settles it changes mindsets.