sad people for sale

What I see and hear around me it's sad, so sad that kills any hope of a brighter future for us all. I see sad sad people, fake people, people that sell themselves for a better life. 

Sad girls who dream of prince charming but don't want to put any effort into it. Are searching for him in all the wrong places with all the wrong criteria in mind. Sad men who pretend to be prince charming trying to land a piece of ass.

You might wonder how I reached these conclusions plus many more? please allow me to share some small real stories.

She had a great heart and she was so sensitive, maybe this was from were her kindness was coming. She was extremely talented at designing her own clothes and sewing them although she was very young. Her parents were not rich and they were struggling with the day to day life but most important they were raising her wright and they were giving her love. Her best friends were either rich or they were in relationships with rich guys. On the love side, he chose with her heart and trust me she could have landed a sponsor to pay for her clothes and trips as she was really beautiful. The guy proved to be a jerk and cheated repeatedly. At only 19 years old she started working while going to school because she simply wanted a better life. One day I think she got tired and wanted to go on the fast lane of life a bit. She decided to get some plastic surgery with all her hard-worked money and went for the silicone, big boobs. When I asked her why she answered sad but happy with her choice: if you have big boobs guys will pay more attention to you and I want to have an easy life like my friend xxx. For a while, this is what she had, this time rich guys who were buying her all sort of stuff and were taking her on different trips around Europe. A few years ago we accidentally met and she told me that she realized what matters in life and that she chose again with her heart but this type a good man with whom she built a home, a family and that they have a beautiful daughter. This is a happy story in which the main character found her way back to what is important somewhere around the age of 26. 

He was a man from a modest family but with a lot of work he reached a comfortable place in his life financially. All those years of not having enough and meeting girls that were judging him only by his financial capabilities left their mark on him. He respects women but he constantly cheats them and he no longer wants love or a family. He lies to himself that this is his happiness, today one tomorrow another one because at the end of the day why waste your time with a girl that only wants your money, and he puts this stamp on all beautiful girls. The first half of his life passed already and he cannot find peace and settle down because of all bad past experiences which led him to the place in which he simply doesn't believe anymore that there are girls who could want a man for what he is not what he has.

A girl was so excited about her new boyfriend and when I asked her how was he like she told me the following: well he has a house an expensive car really nice clothes and he looks good and on the first date he brought me 100 roses. Nothing about him as a human or about how he was treating her. Very fast they moved in together and guess what? she was doing everything around the house while he was not helping her but from time to time he was bringing her some expensive gifts. A couple of months passed and they had their first fight because he was talking with other girls. A few weeks more passed and they had their next fight but this time he heated her. The scenario repeated the next day but worse now. She kicked him out and she never went to the police to complain about his violent behavior. A week later she was really happy that she founded out that in fact, the guy was poor and he had a lot of debts around the city. Sad story about choosing people for what they have not for who they are.

He didn't have the happiest childhood, his father died when he was just a kid and his mother struggled to raise him. By the time he got to his teenage years, all his friends had fancy clothes, girlfriends and were going out in the city while he was trying to work just to help his mom. By the time he finished high school, this was already too much for him and he just wanted to enjoy life a bit. He wanted to have nice clothes, he wanted to have a girlfriend he wanted to go to the seaside for the first time in his life and many other things that for his friends were usual stuff. Went the easy route and he started dealing drugs. In just a few months his life changed, started affording nice clothes, to ask a girl out for a drink, not for a walk in the park which none of them wanted ever. He had almost 3 years of good life till one evening when some thugs beat him really bad and left him on the side of the road just one street away from his home. Lucky for him a normal girl that was coming back from work saw him and helped him. A real eye-opener, maybe the beating, maybe the girl, but from that day he stopped dealing and he started a wonderful friendship with that girl. He started working and their friendship turned in to a relationship in which the most beautiful time spent together was their long walks in the park. Years passed and together they've built a family, they have 2 kids now and the last time we talked his voice was pure happiness. A happy story when somebody realizes that easy is not forever but with patience and with the right person by your side you can move mountains. 

A girl met a guy and they just clicked and had a very good time together so later on that evening they had sex. Weeks passed and they were talking on the phone from time to time as they were living in different cities. When you were asking her about this guy the only thing she was able to say was that he had a really nice car and that the sex was ok, not even great, oooh and that he sent her flowers one time. One day she decided to visit him, she reached his city and the first evening he just ignored her justifying the next day that he was busy then back to ignore all-day long, later on in the night he called her and told her to come by if she wants. She went there they had sex then he told her to leave as he needs to get up early in the morning. Leaving to her home city she was not bothered by his shitty attitude and disrespectful behavior but by the fact that this time he decided to use a condom. Sad story about choosing the wrong person and paying attention to normality in the wrong way instead of paying attention to wrong behavior.

He fell in love with her and he tried to offer her everything. He was working like crazy and he wasn't coming from a rich family and he didn't catch that lucky break to get rich overnight but he was leaving a decent life. Before him, she was taken monthly on a trip somewhere and she was receiving expensive gifts. He listened to her words that she wants him and he was trying every day more and more to offer her everything that was possible but he was never able to offer her the same level of living she was used with from a man. He hoped that love is enough and that they will build together till one day when she told him that this is not enough for her and that he should have provided more and that's how it ended. Sad story about a man that dreamed about love and a woman who dreamed about excursions and gifts. 

She fell in love with him and wanted and waited for years to get married to him. All this time he was already cheating her while she chose to trust him till one day when they stopped. When I asked her what happened there she replied swiftly that all men cheat and it what it is. Now she is looking for her one based on the criteria of what he has not how he is because all men cheat. Sad story about shitty experiences that make a person accept not normal situations as being normal.

He was working hard since he was a kid for all he had while she got from her parents most of her things. He was used to work crazy hours and now he was working even more just to make sure that they have what they need while for her it was hard to understand why is he choosing to work instead of going on a vacation with her. A few months passed and she broke up with him. Sad story about people what we earn and what is being given to us and how this is really a barrier between 2 people.

She was used with attention and lavish escapes and presents. He never afforded to give this to her but still, she fell in love with him. All her friends managed to land an easy life and now she was asking herself if love deserves the daily struggle of life when she can have it easy so she decided to get away. Sad story about how love is never enough when it comes to money. Sad story about how most of the people are influenced by what they see around them and by their friends and they change their life accordingly to the detriment of their soul.

And I know many more stories about girls who choose the easy life and men who offer the easy life not to one but to many. About girls who are really wife material and they choose to build. About men who are faithful and they put their woman above all. About girls who try to land the perfect score but end up unhappy and fill with regrets. About men who paint a rich image so that hey catch a girls attention for a night and maybe they manage to show her there world and she accepts to live a life a not a fairytale.

Today most of the people are sad because they are judging every new person based on their past experiences. So be careful how you treat people because if you treat them bad you fuck them up for the next person in their life. Sad because a lot of people choose to look at what a person has and now he/she is as a human.

Why don't we try to treat every person with respect and kindness because this what we would like to receive also and if it doesn't work between us to politely stop?

When material things started to weight more than personality?

Why do we pay more attention to a car and somebody's clothes instead of their behavior?

Like Black Eyed Peas said: Where is the Love?

It's up to us to stop being sad and making others sad. It's up to us to stop selling ourselves while buying others. At these late hours in the night I dream with my eyes opened that this is possible and that we can be human.

relationships...start

 I know, how crazy of me to even think about something like this in the 21st century. Everybody speaks about them but nobody wants them. 

I am thinking for a while now how you can get the fake impression of starting a relationship these days. I plan to write also about the middle and most important about the end.

Back to the topic, fair notice, I will be blunt and this is my opinion based on what I see and hear. So? How do you meet somebody?

Tinder or any other similar app

She creates an account, he creates an account. Choose the right pictures put a shitty description and let the games begin. Swipe left, left, left, left and right, right, right, and MATCH. A lot of fake accounts, meaning girls that make accounts with other girl's pictures, both men and women who don't have at least one picture of them. WTF? be honest about it, at the end of the day, you are just trying to meet somebody. Most of the people will say that they use the app just for finding fuck partners but honestly, they are using it for masturbation because you have higher chances of finding a one night stand at the market than on this app. Coming back to a normal honest match, you say hello and then the man has to have that super mega extra wonderful line that says everything about him otherwise the conversation dies. If he is inspired enough to nail the line than you will have a very long conversation along a few days when by a miracle you move the conversation to another stupid app like Instagram or Facebook. There you continue for a while and maybe and if you have along thins period all the words with you you manage to actually date face to face. We all hide behind our mobile phones being afraid of actually meeting new people. OPINION: it's really not ok to have a fake account with someone else photos, have at least one photo of you, cut the crap with personality - the first thing we are attracted in a person is the looks, try and talk, date face to face - nobody will eat you on the first date. There are exceptions from the above but so rare.

Social Media - here things are interesting and it depends on the person but mainly the style is like this:

MEN: find her on search or tagged in somebody's pictures and from there game on. If the account is private you first hit follow and if you are lucky enough she will follow you back. The men start to like picture after picture to get her attention and when she finally sends a heart also, jackpot. At the same time, he works the story angle where he reacts to almost every story, and when she likes one of his reactions or she reacts to his stories, jackpot. Jackpot = he says hello, she says hello and from that point, they are a few conversations away from real-life date. If she has a bathing suit, lingerie, or almost naked pictures he wants to fuck her and that's all he doesn't want a relationship with her. Don't trust me? ask any men. 

WOMEN: almost the same. Meaning the find him, hit follow and they wait for him to follow back. A huge difference is that they like only one picture and then wait for him to wait a bunch of her pictures. She starts posting a lot of stories with her selfies just draw his attention and his reactions to which she will be in a hurry to respond. He needs to have good pictures in which his financial status to be visible otherwise he gett's unfollowed really fast but he is kept there at followers because well hell, attention is nice even from poor ugly guys.

OPINION: the internet never lies, we all post pictures of a perfect life that doesn't match reality at all if you look carefully you will find pictures of him and his exes or of her and her exes and this means that she/he might still be in a relationship but she/he is looking for a change and automatically you move from the status of a choice to one of an option. Be decent be honest be real if you want to meet somebody ok. If you want only fun than display as a girl how good you look and as naked as possible and what lifestyle you like. As a man display your muscles or the perfect lifestyle that you can offer. Hide the real you and your real desires behind the fake you this is what social media does. Exceptions are so rare and when they take place, take advantage as they last just for a while. Forever is real so therefore scary so therefore rare.

Real-life

Damn, this shit is to rare to take into consideration but let's access old memories and old stories from old people. We are so superficial. Put on your best clothes and girls also your best make-up. Display on the table/bar your phone and car keys and let the game begin. Catch her attention but be careful as if you don't match her social standards your chances are going towards 0 really fast.

OPINION: although it's hard to believe this is more superficial than the rest because guess what even if you manage to catch her attention and have a small conversation, in the end, you will maximum get her Instagram. Yep, people are shit scared of a conversation. And very important go to places you afford because reality will hit sooner or later and the other will discover that you still leave with your parents, or that your parents are paying your rent or that you struggle with your bank payments.

Final conclusion, find whatever floats your boat and try but people, please aim for real connections. Boys stop being impressed by fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake lips, fake boobs; appreciate her looks but try and see further. Stop judging girls by the pictures they post by the designer clothes they wear and so on. Judge them by what they say.

Girls stop being impressed by his car keys, by his clothes. Stop being impressed by his six-pack and huge arms and take a look at his fucking skinny legs, he is skipping leg day every day. Try and look at his manners, the way he acts.

Get rid of the expectations that a girl should be perfect, fall for her imperfections. Treat her with respect. Get rid of the expectations that a man should be nice looking, have a car, a house and be rich. Fall for his potential. 

What do you say about the crazy idea of supporting each other and building together a better tomorrow and stop expecting the better tomorrow to be given to you?

Ladies, ladies please bring back the gentleman idea. Gents, please bring back the lady idea.

P.S. I have the same non-logical ideas in my mind about the relationship and about the relationship end :)

wake up

The title should have been, stop being stupid or stop being an asshole or stop being a shitty person or stop pretending or so many other options and not that they would have been too offensive but they would have narrowed down the post objective.

This is like so personal as in the last period people made sure to step on my nerves or better said disappointed me. And yes I know that you need to lower your expectations so you don't get disappointed but if I lower the expectations for the society, for the people around me than I automatically lower them for me and this means that I will never ever grow beyond this point and that's a big NO.

COVID - conspiracy

Conspiracy? really, my question is so simple, to whose benefit?

5G 

We have an idiot in RO that started with a video of an old tree look-alike structure that is like 15 years old before we even had 3G, and he screams look people this is how they are hiding the 5G antennas, look what they are doing this is how they give us radiations and COVID, are you serious? I remember a few years ago when 4G appeared some stupid people tried a campaign like this and people were rejecting the antenna mounting on their blocks because of the radiation that was given them cancer. Pointless to say that they were so stupid that they didn't even bother to understand the umbrella concept of coverage but then again. I understood at that point that a greater purpose for a stupid campaign like this was to increase the price for which you were renting/selling the space towards mobile operators to place their antennas. Funny thing is that young people were not so involved in this shit because guys were so happy that they will be able to see faster the pictures that girls were taken of their ass and boobs and uploading on social media. Happy porn world everybody. Now at 5G a lot of people comment.

Wearing the mask

The same idiot as before has a campaign "take down the mask, raise your hearts" in which he claims that is his right not to wear a mask that he wants to be free to speak and love. The bad thing is that he is a public person and he should be more responsible around social issues and state-imposed rules and not to encourage people towards anarchy. 

Besides him are the idiots who think that that small metal piece that you have in your mask in order to take the shape of your noes is actually a chip to monitor you all around. I bet that the same idiots who believe this have their location turned on every time at their mobile phones, but hey that's ok. I even read on FB that an idiot removed the metal piece and replaced it with a piece of hooly rope so now he is not followed anymore and he is also protected by God. Can you believe that?

I don't even want to enter in the debate around the debate that they cannot breathe with their mask on, as I will only repeat the memes around this and maybe add some more ideas.

Ooooooo and cover your fucking nose also, unless is too big and doesn't fit and in this case, you are ugly as fuck and should wear a brown paper bag on your head just not to give us the rest nightmares.

When I posted about the first idiot that he is not ok and that we should stop making stupid people famous I got a huge amount of hate and lost a bunch of followers on Instagram. So when I am saying that they are many and when I will draw my conclusion later on you will understand why.

Distance

No dude, who needs distance? it's ok to lick my neck while we stay in line at the supermarket, it's ok to listen to my conversations while I am at a terrace, it's ok to have your sunbed next to mine - maybe we even cuddle later, it's ok in the club to step on my shoes, it's ok in the club for you to rub your hard dick off my ass or my girls' ass just because you saw a hottie on the other side of the bar. YES totally OK, I am the weird one. If we would have respected some common sense rules everything would still work as normal but no you want to be a bunch of uneducated idiots, that I am not gonna call monkeys because i would bring an offense to the monkeys.

Cover-up Child Trafficking

We are all social worried and responsible now but for my sick curiosity did you worry about this topic before now or are you just an easy prey to conspiracy theories. Because if you are serious about this stop promoting fake news and start taking actions. start promoting and supporting organizations that are actually doing something for these kids.

UNICEF just released a couple of days something very worrying: "An additional 6.7 million children under the age of five could suffer from wasting – and therefore become dangerously undernourished – in 2020 as a result of the socio-economic impact of the COVID-19 pandemic"

If people are so worried about this I would have been so happy to repost and support them because this is a serious matter "Every 30 seconds a child is trafficked either for sex, for slavery, or even organ harvesting"  when you are taking your information from credible sources which don't claim that pandemic doesn't exist. Yesterday I would have jumped from my bed if I saw at least one person posting that July 30 is officially World Day Against Trafficking in Persons. This shit is serious but looks for resources on credible resources and organizations that are actually doing something to help them. Support these organizations, really get involved. Serious organizations will not trow bullshit facts that COVID is an invention to distract people from these issues. No, no, no, one is not less important than the other, none should be ignored or taken lightly. Choose your fights, choose where you put your energy but don't minimize the other issues that are on this planet. 

https://www.unicef.org/

https://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

https://www.un.org/en/

Again came the second round of hate and unfollow unfriend when I dared to repost something in which it was said that no sooner than two weeks we will all know directly someone that has COVID 19. How dare I state the obvious?

Vaccination-Bill Gates

A few years ago a not so smart lady in RO started saying that we should no longer vaccinate our babies. Now people found one obscure insta and fb pages truncated segments from Bill Gates interview from a couple of years ago from which they are misled to understand that they shouldn't vaccinate as Bill himself will not do it. The conspiration goes deeper and they launched the virus so that they will launch a vaccine for it and we will all be so scared that we are going to take it but inside will be a hidden cheap thru which Bill will now our every move. Idiots, there is no need for that, you already share your location or if you have the iPhone I bet you never read the full terms and conditions thru which you literally agreed to share everything with them. Cool, you are so smart, I am amazed. And the top of Bill's conspiracy is that with those remote thermo scanners that they have at the entrance in supermarkets they actually remotely introduce a chip in you. Wow, like really wow, can you be more idiot than that? No chance, MAX level reached.

Here i would add one small stupid suggestion from my side: SEARCH and LOOK at the fool interview. Or if you are too lazy he promised that if you pay for all the windows versions that you stalled he will not control your mind with his chip, anyway he has nothing to control, ups.

Some time ago somebody told me that I am too vocal with my opinions and although I started controlling myself, this week was fucked up for me and still is somehow. And yes I am beyond outraged about what I see around me concerning this topic. Don't think even for one second that I respected all the rules but I tried my best and encouraged others to do so also.

Coming back to my week, well it was not so fun to wake up Monday morning with a phone call from your parents that a colleague of theirs has been tested positive. I cannot even put in words everything that I felt, scared doesn't even comprehend what was going on in my mind and heart. I did the responsible thing and announced all the persons that I got in contact with. Massive disappointment to see that although all of them were close ones to some of them this didn't mean anything and they didn't even bother to ask me how they feel, but then again it's my problem not theirs so I got over it fast enough. On Tuesday morning they took the test and I was already losing it mentally like really losing it. By night time I was starting to feel really bad reaching Wednesday afternoon with most of the symptoms. The only thing I was able to tell myself at that point was that this cannot be possible. On my way to the testing center while in my mind was an entire storm and I was so outraged I reposted that thing that we will all know somebody with COVID in the next 2 weeks. My mother called to tell me that their results came NEGATIVE, with her voice shaking, she was crying, she was relieved, the type of scare called close to death, that's how her voice sounded. I was such a fucking coward and I didn't have the courage to tell her that I was not feeling well and I was on my way to test myself. Just to understand my panic more, I am in one of the risk classes also. While waiting for my turn I again did the responsible thing and announced everybody that my parents' results came out negative but I am about to test myself as I don't feel too good experiencing a big part of the symptoms. Here maybe I managed to move a muscle or to but not enough from some of them to call me in the evening to see how I feel. The testing is awful they really go with those sticks deep like really deep :(. On my way back home checked my phone just to see the wave of hate because I dared to post what I posted and of course the unfriend, unfollow, and so on. I didn't sleep that night, scared so fucking scared, I just stayed in bed with all the noise in my head, I managed to close my eyes like for 5-10 minutes. The morning caught me somehow at peace, looked at my phone, and the result ... still not there. Disappointed by some of the messages I've found and that from some people i didn't find anything. One of my best friends called me to tell me that he checked and the result was negative. Again announced everybody. As I still didn't feel good I had a virtual consultation with my doctor and she told me that if I don't recover by Sunday I should call the ambulance and retake the test. Imagine getting a punch in the chest that simply takes your breath away, that's how I felt. Now I am at home and I feel a bit better but I am still scared. This shit is fucking real people. 

At the end of the day, I realized that if some of us will escape it for sure there is little to no hope for us as a race. We lack EMPATHY, we are SELFISH, most of us don't care about the others anymore, about the close ones, about the ones we say we love or we loved at a certain point.

We will die because of our ignorance, we will die because we are stupid, we will die because we think only about ourselves. A couple of months ago I was trying to explain to a few people that the economic crisis will be bad and their answer was that they don't care because they work for big multinational companies and they are ok, others told me that heir parents will help them. The level of ignorance cannot be put into words. In all these months both my parents almost lost their jobs, I am on limited time contract job till this autumn and trying to prepare myself and to find a new job I tried to use social media and asked for some help with my resume; from over 20 HR people that follow me and saw my insta story not even one offered to help. This the point where we are, so interested in what people are doing but not willing to lend a helping hand. It's funny how we close our box and think that nothing can touch us, it's funny how we don't pay attention to those we know, it's funny how we ignore the ones we don't know, we are a JOKE. If somebody close is happy we forgot how to be happy for them. If somebody is in love and we are not, we are no longer able to celebrate that love. If somebody is going thru a break-up we just keep silent or we advise directly to move on, we no longer want to analyze a bit and try to give a piece of advice that might save that relationship or might ease that heart. We are no longer willing to change for the ones around us, to become better in exchange we offer the stupid excuse this is who I am and people have to accept me this way. We no longer walk down the street and stop to listen to the music and toss a coin maybe, we just walk away. We no longer take a walk in the park and throw some bread crumbs at the birds, we prefer to drive around the city. The list is so long and so sad of things that we no longer do for the right reasons or we stopped doing them because it's not cool. We are so STUPID.

Do I still believe in humanity? maybe a bit because I know some people in which I saw empathy as this what defines us as humans but i really doubt it that a handful of people will be able to keep us all on the floating line away from becoming NOTHING.

Please, WAKE UP. Love, apologize, cry, laugh, scream, feel, be human.

"real" is scary

Welcome to today, welcome to 21 st century, welcome to 2020, welcome to a moment where we don't like real anymore.

We are fake, we want fake, we cannot handle real, real is scary. Our frustrated anxious minds can no longer handle real and normal.

20 years ago in prime time news, you were seeing everything that is happening around the world. You were informed of conflict zones, of people that fight hunger, people that fight poverty, people that fight oppressive regimes. Today they show you only what is local and from external, they show you something that they found on youtube of turtle storming the streets of god knows what forgotten village in Australia. Haha, everything is wonderful, everything is peachy and nothing bad is happening. We reached a point where we no longer care bout what is happening around us. The sad part is that even if they would come back to their old constructive habits our minds can no longer handle reality. We all want to see fairytales and live real-life fairytales. Where the fuck is the reality? Why do we isolate ourselves in our stupid ignorant bubbles?

We reached an impossible level of ignorance. A few months ago the pandemic of COVID 19 was declared and everybody got scared and respected the measures. A low number of cases with responsible people. Today, a couple of months later, the number of cases is huge and nobody gives a fuck anymore. The virus is not to blame but our stupid ignorance is. We have stupid people conducting campaigns against the law for us not to wear the masks and somehow there are a lot of stupid people that support them. I am scared that people support anarchy, maybe tomorrow we will have a crazy person that will say that raping women is ok and I bet you that a lot of stupid people will support that cause also. We reached a stage of moral cancer. People don't know the main principle of democracy, your freedom ends when you overstep my freedom. Think about it. 

The situation is getting worse every day but we all choose to ignore it as shit is getting too real and we cannot handle this level of reality, we want our fairytale back.

Everybody wants better and more but nobody wants to work their asses a bit for that. If the easy way appears without hesitation we will choose it without thinking about the consequences. You see girls going on lavish trips, wearing expensive clothes and so on. You want that? work, find somebody to whom you can build and reach that level or you can choose the old guy that will take you there and he will never appear in your pictures so nobody knows. You are lying to yourself, stop selling your soul for a picture in paradise. You want to enter that club? wait till you can enter there because of you, never accept to be the accessory of a guy that doesn't give a fuck what are you thinking about when you go to sleep. As for the guys I cannot even understand how you can be satisfied with yourself knowing that due to your money, not your mind, not your soul, some chicks prefer to stay with you. When the money goes, when the night falls, what then?

But weel hell, who am I to judge. Why accept reality when you have an easy way towards a fake fairytale. Remember that in all fairytales there was some drama towards the candy cane house, that's why it was so sweet because it didn't come easy.

Nobody wants a meaningful connection anymore as it is to hard to handle, we provide fake we want fake. We judge by the cover and that consumes our soul day by day. I honestly think that this represents the end of our sate as human beings. We buy expensive clothes not because of the quality but because of the brand how it makes us look socially. We buy expensive second-hand cars that we cannot afford to maintain just to make a statement about our social position. It's funny how everybody apparently feels ok knowing that under those expensive clothes they wear a cheap piece of underwear and that's not ok. It's funny how everybody feels ok behind the wheel of an expensive car knowing that they cannot afford to have a full tank of gas. Hilarious, i am telling you. Everybody screams that they want something real but they offer fake and they are attracted to fake.

Conversations on first dates are no longer about who you are as a person and what do you want from life from the future. Now people are talking about what they have where they've been and what they want from the other in material terms. Guys are no longer offering a flower on the first date because it doesn't matter anymore. Girls are more impressed if you pick them up with your car instead of paying attention to the small gestures that make a man. Stability and loyalty is now judged by what you have and offer, it's no longer being evaluated by how much are you willing to work and sacrifice for the other. Everybody uses the line" this is me, take it or leave it, I'm not changing". Wake the fuck up! Be real! if you care for somebody you will become a better person for you and for that person. We become better together. Alone nobody became better. Stop being toxic and complaining that other people are toxic. Toxic with toxic become nontoxic, change the mindset, stop expecting, and start giving.

During the isolation period everybody dramatized the situations that couples were allegedly going thru. WTF? they were forced to communicate and pay attention to the other away from the normal routine. Is that bad? Nobody but nobody didn't talk about the ones that lonely ones, that's were the drama actually was. But it became normal to make a drama out of what should be normal and it is real. People love, people fight, people get back together, people break up. That's real!

We are beyond fucked beyond hope. We are too scared of REAL, we offer FAKE and we are looking for FAKE while we lie to ourselves and the others that we are REAL and we want REAL.

6th lesson: expectations

This lesson is called expectations when in fact it is about honesty. Because I think that honesty leads to real expectations while lies lead to false expectations and later on disappointments.

That's life and it happens but what if people would really want to make the world a better place someday and they would work also on how they treat each other?

This one will be more about relationships. And the first thing that has to said here is that people lie and they lie and they lie because of their insecurities and fucked up issues that they refuse to fix by visiting a therapist.

According to a study, in our days, about 60% of women search and find their next partner while being in the current relationship. WTF? while the same thing happens with only about 25% of the men. Like seriously, WTF? 

Both numbers are bad and nobody should do this as it sucks big time and maybe we should try and treat each other with respect not by cheating because newsflash that's how it is called, cheating.

The expectation is that you meet somebody who is single just like you and that you like each other and you start a relationship. Reality is that they are already in another relationship and you are for a while the 3rd person in that relationship until she/he convinces that you are better so they remain with you. Double cheating alert! 

I myself was the 3rd one a few times and every time I founded out about it and tried to confront the person but the discussion transformed into a drama with accusations that I have a bad opinion about them, no shit? Some recognized with apologies and we tried but I should have known that one day I will be in the poor bastard position and I too will be replaced while being there. Others never recognized and I remained with a hunch but time proved me that I was right. Because that's what people do, when confronted with the truth they either run they either attack but they almost never admit.

This is no reason to lose faith in people, you just have to be more cautious around who do you let inside your heart. This is a reason for you to be a better person and never do this shit just because you are insecure. Insecurities can be treated and must be in order to hurt good people.

When you enter a relationship you expect that it will be a partnership and that you are heading towards building something together. Reality is that people have their own agenda and just a few are the people who will be honest about theirs. The rest of them will stay there following their own selfish agenda while you will try to follow a common agenda. You will think about the next vacation together, they will think about their next weekend escape with their friends. 

First of all, you need to be true to yourself and if you feel that the other person doesn't fit your future plans or you don't see future plans with them just say so. Be honest about what you want from them, don't waste anybody's time as time is the most valuable present that somebody can ever give you.

I tried all my life to figure this shit out as soon as possible in order not to hurt anybody while others weren't able to give me the same respect. You can only realize what you think and feel and want. It sucks that you cannot know what the other is thinking and this where the frustration appears as you will work for the common good and the other will work for hers/his personal good. Because you see when you get to be in love you will fail in seeing some things and even if you see them you will start inventing excuses for the other just for you to feel better with you. Wake up!!! When it will actually end you will see that not love and honesty were what they were looking for but financial stability and fun and you majestically failed in offering that. The problem with this type of thinking is that is very often present at women and if our mothers would have thought like this then we would have never existed.

Towards the end of a relationship brings the game to a totally different level. It sucks because this end sometimes it can be short and that perfect while some other time it can take weeks, months, or even years. It's all about signs and how you see them. It is psychologically proven that we will have a tendency of causing the other of exactly what we are doing. The other will accuse you of talking with other persons and if you know that this isn't true and you want to prove this they will still not believe you because of their own fears. If you will try to ask the same question in return they will get offended because this is what they are doing. The other will accuse of cheating right when they are cheating because it's easier to find the fault in the other that to admit that you are the one that is having a shitty behavior. 

The expectation is that your partner, the person you love, shares the same principles and if something like this will ever occur they will come right to you and apologize or they will end the relationship as they don't want to hurt you. The reality is that nobody will come up front with something like this as they are too coward to admit that they are heating and too scared of telling you something like this. Nobody wants to be looked at as a bitch.

They will end the relationship with you knowing that you are still in love by telling you that for sure you will be back in the saddle in no time when in fact that is their plan. You will just sit there and hope while they will be to busy with the next one. 

That's how people are and you will feel so frustrated about being accused of exactly what they are doing but there is an important lesson for you to be learned:

Because you have been opened and honest you've been hurt and that's not true. You must be true to yourself and never treat anybody like this because what goes around comes back around. You've been hurt because those persons had their own insecurities and it's easier to think something bad about a good person in order to justify to yourself your actions. 

Don't do to others what others did to you.

Don't do to others what you wouldn't like to be done to you.

Have expectations, they are good, the right person will try to reach those expectations as you will have achievable expectations that will make the other a better person for themselves in the first place and for you as a couple in the second one.

Fall in love with the others' struggles in being a better person for her/him and for you. Support the struggle, achieve the expectations together, that's how love should sound.

5th lesson: forgiveness

You might be wondering why I want to tell you about forgiveness as most of the people go around with a simple approach I forgive or not and that's it. Let me tell you straight forward that's a bad approach. I will try to tell you why is important to forgive, why sometimes is important to forget and some other times to remember in order to learn some valuable lessons.

People are equally good and bad, the only difference is just what they want to give you more. And somehow it seems that it is written in the cells of most of them to offer hate instead of love and the worst of them all to respond to love with hate. Why? nobody knows and each one of them will be convinced that he/she is doing the right thing because otherwise, they couldn't live with themselves.

By the time you will appear into this world and be old enough to read your dad's notes, most probably thing will not change because this is who we are as humans. Important for you is to establish your own values and to try to live by them as much as possible although the surroundings will make it impossible for you.

Politicians will steal and lie because if you choose this career path the ones around you will change you. You might enter naively and with the will to do good among them but very soon you will find out that you are one and if you want to change something you need to play by their rules. The only hope is that generation by generation they will steal and deceive less than the ones before. This doesn't make them necessarily bad persons. They have families and friends that they love and to whom they are really good and nice. Some of them start with the desire to get rich while others with the desire to change things but will both end up doing the same sins. So the second category they are just weak persons who felt in the trap of the big machine and they don't have what it takes to stick to their dreams. You need to understand this and to forgive them but never forget what they are doing.

Along your life, you will have friends that will betray you the second they get a chance, and you will ask why? You need to forgive them and poison your soul because in the first place to start they were not your friends it was just a situation ( school, high school, work, and so on). Never judge yourself too harsh because we all believe in fairytales in a way or another but in real life, shit happens.

Let me tell you a short story about the first girl to whom I said: " I love you". We were teenagers and everything was just like in the movies. She was complaining that her father was a drunk and a cheater and that she thinks that all men (boys at that time) are the same. Guess how it all ended? I was faithful but like every couple (you will see) we had discussions and sometimes things were a drama. We were on a break and she decided to hook up with my oldest childhood friend. Little did I know at that time and although I was feeling betrayed I chose to forgive them both as we were on a break and people have different views on breaks ( I will explain some other time). It was something very short between them, 1 week and 5 kisses and it ended. Regarding my friend I decided to forgive him and to understand he was a jackass, not a friend, and distanced myself. Regarding her I forgave and we got back together believing the old textbook, he didn't mean anything and I realized that I want only you. A few months later without any heads up, she ran to the seaside with some friends and lost her virginity with a fucker in a one night stand. Forgive and forget as at that point It was clear that she didn't love me and it was stupid of me to poison my would with suffering hate for a person that chooses to deceive her in the first place and then me. Exactly what she was scared that somebody will do to her she was doing the others and from what I've heard she continued to have the same lifestyle for the many years that followed. I suffered and I never understood why she chose to act like that towards me but later on in my life I learned and understood that that was her emotional burden not mine and that at the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions and sufferings. At that moment and looking back I might say that she was a bad person while in reality, she had her problems this was the only way she knew how to deal with them. 

You must understand the others, you must understand their real reasons, and only then you will be able to forgive and move on with scars but scars that don't need any fixing from the next person.

People choose to treat poorly other people because it is at hand, it comes natural and they don't have to waste time putting themselves in the other's position. You might say that they are selfish but in fact, they are just choosing the easy way. Don't we all want it easy?

At a certain point in life, I was hanging around with some very bad people for all the wrong reasons. At the same time, I entered in relation with the second girl that heard the magic words from me. The " friends" wanted to fuck me up really bad and they tried to break down the door of the house. My luck, it was a strong door. On the love side, she was cheating me constantly and she was always coming back crying that she made a mistake and she is sorry. It took a while to understand all the shit I got myself involved in but then I realized that it was all about my choices, my mistakes this time. I was to blind to see the reality that was right in front of me. The guys were 3 mentally deranged persons for whom everything was about violence and the signs were there for a long time that they don't like me but i ignored them as we were a big group a conflict would have been possible till I said that I am leaving the country for a while and people distance themselves from me and the occasion appeared for them. Regarding her, what to expect, I should have been attentive at how it all started. :) she was in a relationship with somebody else and she told me after 3 weeks. A person that starts a relationship while they are in another for sure they will try to do the same thing again. I was to blind to see and understand this. Later on, I understood she was scared of loneliness and on top, she was a nymphomaniac. Only when I understood their problems and realized that the signs were there I was able to forgive them and simply don't care anymore. Learned my lessons healed my scars and moved on with the same open heart as the first time. Because you see, it would be stupid to have hate in your heart for people when they are just like they are and it was only your mistake to get close to them. All of them till today are doing the same things so it wasn't something that was done intentionally to me. 

By now you should realize the importance of understanding in the forgiveness process. Very important is that by understanding I am not saying that you need to invent excuses for people's shitty behavior towards you.

As you will get old people will hurt you in different ways, they will disappoint you in different ways.

They will cause exactly what they are doing. Hopefully, you will not be stupid like me and consume yourself at the unfairness of those accusations when you know exactly that they are the ones doing those things to you and you were never able to do it to them. People will put you on hold just because of their uncertainties and this will consume you but you will see that you are stronger than you think. People will make you feel bad because you are honest, they will attack you when you will ask them to be honest. They will judge you by how much money you have not by your soul and you will never be able to change that in those people. And yes they will hurt you in so many ways but forgive them all as we all have our path and you can get there only with a good heart, full of scars but at peace that you always listened to your heart,

Listen to your heart and when you say that you forgive, forgive and forget because if you bring it up again that will only make you a small person with pitty objectives in life. And most important you will hurt another person who believed you forgave them and love is about building not about waiting for the right moment to take revenge.

Strive every day to be good at forgiving.

Fall in love with the thorns so that you can truly love the rose.

Forgive what they've said and done as that's their problem,

Your problems are your actions towards other people and to make sure that you don't become them.

autumn night

This is a modern short probably love story, but this will be up to you to imagine.

They were living in the 21st century, a century filled with opportunities, and with people that are living their best existence since humanity started. 

Out 2 characters "met" online as in this century of speed this is how things work. No need to say about their on-line story as what was more important for them was just waiting to happen.

It was one of those autumn days in which the sun is burning like in the mid of the summer but the trees are showing their yellow-brown colors and are reminding you that summer is over. All thru that summer maybe they had so many opportunities to accidentally see each other or maybe they did but never paid to much attention. One of those autumn Saturdays when the sun is calling you outside to walk around, to enjoy his last strong rays till next year. He was allowing this day to pass as he was no longer in a mood to make plans or to have expectations. She already had in her mind that her day will be awesome that her evening will be great but little did she know at that time. 

That evening had nothing special in-store at a first glance. The warmth of an evening that was announcing a cosie night was the perfect reason for anybody to go out. Not for him as he was roaming around social media without a purpose or he was just searching for the purpose. She was in a different mood, in a mood to go out with her friends and really take advantage of that night. It took just a insta story from her and a crazy moment from him in which he thought that this was the moment to see her eye to eye. He took some friends with him as courage was never his strong point when it comes to girls. He really wanted to see her and off he was at the same party. They never talked before, they just exchanged some likes but the energy of those yellow-brown trees somehow emboldened him that night to do more. He searched for her around an hour without any luck till the point he was about to give up when out of a sudden she appeared next to him. Maybe she was searching for him also or maybe it was that night that made them do it.

They met and he was simply absorbed by her, the party ended and it was like none of them wanted the night to end so they decided to walk around in search of another place. He was blocked he was not able to speak too much, he was so eager to tell her a lot but the words simply didn't want to get out. She was more of the quiet type but somehow with all their small talk and weird silence moments jut like teenagers they managed to create a connection. Although they didn't want that night was coming to an end so they decided to see each other the next day. The next day came and maybe his flower that he brought for her, maybe her smile, maybe what she said, maybe what he said made them finish the evening in a long kiss. A shy kiss, just like two kids that were having their first kiss ever.

Days passed and weeks passed and moths passed and the night between the years found them under the fireworks telling the other one "I love you" like it was a promise. It came as a surprise for both of them and it seemed as if they were so lucky to fall in at the same time.

Day by day they became closer closer, sometimes having the courage to tell the other important things and most of the time too scared to say what was bothering them as their past individual scars were still deciding their future. Their attitude towards each other slowly changed and by the end of the summer, they were splitting. How was this possible? where did they go wrong? 

That magic from that autumn night was still there and they found it inside themselves to get back each other but without discussing their scars their small problems that brought them to that point. Their focus was only on the big points as somehow they were sure that's where they were on the same page. You might say that they were stupid to think this but sometimes fear controls everybody. 

Shortly they decided to move in together, to create their world, to start building their own little habits that were making them both happy without realizing that those small things are still there. 

The end of that year found the frustrated with so many things but their were playing their roles as if nothing was hidden in the background, without any of them having the courage to talk about the elephant in the room. Little did she know that he was thinking about making things more serious but how can you even dream about something like this when their were both ignoring the elephant.

A few months later it all ended out of a sudden and somehow taking them by surprise they found themselves this time in the position to show their scars. They tried talking only after they broke up, they started displaying their scars only at that point but without realizing that maybe it was too late. 

It seemed that all the magic from those autumn yellow-brown trees shook off and they were not able to find their way back to each other. 

He continued to try and day by day hee grew more tired and disappointed that nothing worked and he was not managing to get to her. With every try from him, she became more and more distant and the insta stories that once brought them together and he was thinking that they were a message for him now he was thinking that this is how he appeared and that's how somebody new will appear. Sometimes she was showing interest in him maybe for the sake of that magic or maybe because she wasn't sure that the magic fell off from that yellow-brown autumn tree.

That summer found them apart and more distant day by day.

Maybe this is how a love story ends or becomes something much stronger. 

Maybe this is how the magic happens and the tree leaves turn from green to yellow-brown and fall off just to be green again and to prepare themselves for another magic.

Nobody knows.

4th lesson, part 2: about how it ends

Last night i got carried away by this topic without realizing that it will be a lot to say. A lot to say especially on the relationship part and that's why this section deserved her own post. 

So I have my notes from last night, my moody playlist on the background, and for this topic, I am going crazy and I will smoke in the house. Tip: light up a candle also, it absorbs the smoke, and tomorrow morning you will not wake up in a stink hole.

Here it goes!

Relationships,

this part is so confusing. Meaningless ones will come and go just like water and you will never think about how and why it ended because you never cared. It ends and that's it, maybe sometimes the other will get carried away very fast, like after one coffee, but it will go away fast so fast.

What happens when you love? nothing good, it ends every time and hurts the most. The tricky part is that you don't know when it ends as when you should stop, will get back later to this situation. I will allow myself to end with the most beautiful ending of them all

Just to be clear I am talking about love between normal people according to my standards. People who respect, support, and care for each other. I know some examples of couples that are offending each other as a sport and that is their style but I totally don't understand their type of love in which respect is ignored. I am talking about people who don't cheat although I've met some open-minded couples in my life then again it's beyond my understanding how can you love somebody and share your body or a kiss with others also. Maybe I am fantasizing a bit about the idea of normality and the following ideas, having in mind my experiences of being lied and cheated.

Although this part maybe it deserves a post by itself it's very hard to find a title for it or include it under another topic.

You might be lucky to be smart enough to realize that love is gone and although it will hurt you will choose to walk away. You have 2 crazy options:

- the one in which you look at the other and when you see them upset because of you, you don't care anymore, that's the sign you don't love that person anymore and you must let them be.

- the one in which the other person doesn't respect you anymore doesn't support you anymore, he/she is cheating and although it hurts like hell you find yourself to walk away as it is clear that the other one doesn't love you anymore but he/she is a stupid coward and doesn't have the power to tell it to your face that they don't love you anymore. You see the most difficult for us humans is to be responsible for our decisions especially in these situations, nobody wants to bear the responsibility of the one that chooses to end it. If you find yourself in this position and what the other did is causing a greater pain than losing him/her than it's clear. Don't rush I dear to say. Also, I know, and did it myself also, people that forgive and try more just because something there it's worth saving for them and it's ok. As long as you are ok with it and you don't use it as a bargaining chip and you leave it in the past and you both continue fresh with a silent agreement then it's ok. Don't let society or your friends or your family or anyone tell you went to stay and when to leave. Have in mind that everybody shares their opinion based on their experience and frustrations. 

And (drum sound) the fucked up situation when it ends due to any other reason than the core ones mentioned above. And just to make it more interesting you love the other but you don't know if they still love you. You want to get back together but they don't. And the cherry on top you want to get back together, they don't but they aren't telling you this straight forward as you chose a good person hopefully and they don't want to hurt you even more and they just wait for you to move on. Sounds awesome right? Well nobody knows as on the other side you have a person just like you, with a mind and would of their own in which unfortunately you cannot see. My honest opinion here is that if you really love her/him then you should keep trying to win her/him back no matter the frustration and pain because you might have in the future the most beautiful situation(see below). A saying goes that good things don't come easy, good things take time, and so on. 

But still, for how long should you still try? A simple answer would be as long as your heart tells you to but along the way you need to take care of your brain if your heart is already fucked for a while or maybe forever if you found the one. Taking care of your brain means that you should pay attention to some signs from the other side and don't go over the edge. Otherwise saying it, stop it before the other call s the cops :)))) or the ambulance :))))). Trust me I've heard about some crazy people and saw some cucu ones also. I am repeating that I am talking about what I consider normal according to my standards.

Aaaaa the signs? maybe I should give you some examples although they are not relevant but maybe there is something hidden there that might help you.

- captain Obvious: she/he doesn't answer anymore to none of your texts or phone calls

- captain Cronos: she/he answers only when she/he has time, you're no longer a priority

- captain Ignorance: you still talk but only about things that are happening to her/him and your experiences are ignored

- captain Care: you are there for her/him and you offer moral support but when you need the same there is no availability

- captain Help: you offer your help instant to her/him but when you ask for it you are ignored

- captain Life: you find out from here and there that she/he is moving on with their lives and maybe with another person but they don't bother to tell

Plus many more but the army might have some other type of soldiers also that don't help you to much:

- captain Pride: she/he would like to contact but she/he is too proud to make the first move

- captain Confusion: a mix of all the above in both positive and negative way, like the saying, goes " one hot, one cold" (Romanian: una calda, una race).

Nobody knows you will be the only one to know and you might wake up one morning and say it's enough and that's it, it really ends for you also.

The most beautiful situation is when the two become one and they stick together like the glue thru good and bad. They continue to love, respect and support each other until the end. They build each day their life for two at the start and then for them and their kids and their dog and then for their grandchildren and if they are lucky enough for their grand grandchildren also. Life is a bitch and will choose to take one of them sooner leaving the other with the suffering but it will be leavable, you know why? because of all the memories of bad and good times, because of the kids that will visit once in a while, because of the grandchildren that will run around the house bringing back sweet memories of what their love built.

Very important don't judge a possible outcome by your past experiences as we are humans and we change every day and in your front, you have a totally different person from the ones that scared you in the past. One important note here for my future baby girl and my future baby boy, don't fall in the stereotype trap! if I or your mom would have guided our lives on them you two would have never existed. Hopefully, this line someday will make sense and my future wife will look at it, smile, and kiss me.

Never run away from your heart. Good night!

4th lesson, part 1: about how it ends

There a lot more "lessons" coming just to be clear about this and for you not to get confused by the title. Endings are something you should know more about as early as possible as they will fuck you up for a shorter or longer period. Also, the endings, are the ones that will leave scars.

We might think that it's pretty straight forward but actually, it's way more complicated. The first thing we have to say is that there are no happy endings, it just depends on the perspective. 

Movies will mess up your expectations with their happy endings and don't rush to throw stones at them because we as humans we need fairytales in order to make it through the day, in order to feed our hopes. What I am trying to say is that we need to feed our hopes but also have in mind the real end so that when it hits us the scar is not a fatal one.

On some points is easy:

- a movie has a clear duration and you know that after a certain time it will end, funny enough a lot of times you will have the impression that it was to short or that they could have continued it just a bit more. Sequels were born from this as we need more time off everything.

- a song you know it will end after those 3-4 minutes but because you like it you will abuse the replay button

- food ends you buy more

- your phone or any other device has a life period but the ugly part for our mind is that we don't know when it ends and it will always catch us by surprise and we will be left for a while without a phone or without TV or without the washing machine and so on

And the list can continue but I think you catch the point that things end.

Life, 

even if we talk about our own or our dear ones, it will always take us by surprise. Maybe there will be situations in which it will be expected but we will still be taken by surprise. How it ends? dramatic -death. If we die our dear ones will suffer, never doubt this. If somebody dear will die it will put some deep scars on you and you will suffer a while and you will suffer each time you remember them. It's ok to suffer, cry, scream. Never listen to people that tell you to go over it. Be ready for it by trying to live your best life every day as you don't know when it ends. Be ready for it by telling your fear ones that you love them and by talking and spending as much time as possible with them as we never know when it will end, we just know that it ends.

Friendships,

yes, they end also. Maybe because one of you cheated the other trust or used the other. Most often because you evolve differently and you don't have the same life principles and objectives anymore. Don't be sad, I know it hurts and you think that you have your friends for life but people change. Don't give up on your friends but when you choose different moral paths to go away suffer and move on as on your new path you will find better friends. I myself, for example, lost 4 friend circles till the age of 35 and with all of them I was like family but different paths were chosen and talks and advice started to sound more like words of an enemy. I suffered each time and moved on and I learned in some very bad ways this lesson. When I am saying it's ok ok I say it because now my friends are awesome and I love them and I really hope we will remain like this but who knows?

Relationships,

this part is so confusing. Meaningless ones will come and go just like water and you will never think about how and why it ended because you never cared. 

What happens when you love? nothing good, it ends every time and hurts the most. The tricky part is that you don't know when it ends as in when you should stop.

I just realized that a deep dive is needed here and I will continue it tomorrow night.

hope - trust

Hope is a very sensitive thing and I think we have it every day in every small thing that we are doing. We are either aware or not that in the deep back of our brain we generate hope in every situation for a result that would please us.

You got to the market hoping, unaware, that you will find what are you searching for otherwise you wouldn't go.

You start talking with somebody in a club or social media hoping, unaware, that she/he is an ok person, and something more can happen between the two of you.

You learn in school hoping, unaware, that you will get a high grade.

And so on, we could continue on and on, with examples in which we generate a hope without even being aware or wanting to do so.

I think the tricky situations are those ones in which the hope comes uncontrolled and we are aware of it. Maybe tricky is not the correct word as we can call it messy, fucked, disturbing, heartbreaking, and so on. This sucks because even if we are totally aware of it, this is no small thing and we cannot control it.

All these false hopes are so tangled in our mind and they all come to a basic thing, trust.

What I am trying to say is that hope is the one that makes us suffer the most but still this is the beauty of life I dare say. If you start controlling your hopes therefore who and how you trust you will start judging people based on false information and maybe you will keep away some extraordinary people or you will end up hurting them.

Let me tell you a short tangled story composed of more individual stories in which I hope that none of my acquaintances will find themselves as I assure them that it's a mix of so many people stories that I know.

There was a boy that consumed his teenage years being in a relationship where he wasn't supposed to be anymore. They continued for so many years stepping into adulthood just because in their minds they were a power couple and they were getting along so great when they were together. But what was happening when they were not together? he was searching for something else and he was finding the one night things pretty often while she was trying to know more people. At a certain point, they realized that they have to stop and by "magic" the next week she was already with somebody else and he was doing exactly the same. They spent so many years feeding the hope that was in their mind and in my opinion this is a false hope.

There was a girl that loved a guy so much, she was seeing her future next to him, building a family and everything. For him it was casual and he had self-trust issues so he was deceiving her expectations every day as he was so sure that he cannot find better. She got pregnant and shy, with her head in the ground told him hoping that he will be happy; his answer was: You need to get an abortion. He didn't even go with her. What an asshole. With all this, she was still believing that they will do it together. They broke up and you could guess who was the one to immediately find somebody else, get married and have a kid. You are right the asshole. Later on, the girl managed to follow the same path with somebody else. But, just put yourself in her place and all her hopes so many times when the dude could have been honest with her.

There was a boy that believed in love and soon after his teenage years he fell in love with an easy girl. That type of love that consumes you. You can imagine that it didn't last too long and this is a good thing but how this impacted his beliefs, who to trust, and where to put his hopes to work. All this got radically changed for him just because somebody wanted to play.

There was a girl that her greatest desire was to love, be loved, and have a family. Continuously she hoped with every new person that was coming in her life that he will be the one. Her hope and dream never allowed her to take a better look at whom she was trusting her soul every time. All admiration as she continued to hope for this but i am so afraid for her that she will end up again in disappointment.

There was a boy that trusted and after each disappointment, he was promising himself that he will not do it again but to his luck, he was shortly realizing each time that he doesn't have to mistrust other people just because the ones from his past deceived him. Teenage love cheated him with his friend. He forgave them both and not so late she tried again with her just to end up at the same point, she cheated with as strange this time. Young love got interesting for him as she cheated him like 3 times till he decided to stop.  And it's not even about the fact that he got double-crossed, it's about the fact that he trusted those people and they preferred to lie to him. So he tried to change the pattern and asked only honesty in return, told his story, and asked to be taken care of only with this thing, requesting a simple thing; if it were to happen for any of them to tell the other and decide from that point. Guess what ? he got lied and cheated. The bottom line is that with all this he continued to trust and asked in return honesty not lies for the sake to not brake his soul as he knew he was strong enough to take it.  I hope he will find her if he didn't already.

There was a girl that chose to trust and to hope maybe too soon at something more just to discover that he was not there and instead of telling her straight forward he decided to try and cheat.

I have so many stories of this kind gathered thru the years and they all have this one thing that generates the other hope-trust. Looking around me I see that social media plays its role in these situations more and more. People lose trust when they shouldn't because somebody else in the past did to them like this. We have our lives displayed there and it's only normal when we love that we want to share it but what happens when it ends? Some people delete everything and they cut all ties. Others save the pictures on an external drive as it was a part of their life and it's somehow normal to still have those pictures. Others let the pictures in plain sight and they claim that it's part of their past and they will not remove it (i was this stupid) without realizing that the new person in their life will be hurt by this. Others just hide the pictures on their profile or restrict them from their current relationship.

It's all a lie and we are all cowards, we hide with excuses for ourselves for the others, for the person next to us, But how can we expect to build something beautiful when we start with a lie? I really think we should all start with trust as hope is there in both cases.

Hope keeps us going and trust is the image of our hope. Honesty hurts but from that pain the most beautiful stories start.

Just to close, I am going to give you something to think about. When my mom met my dad she was dating another guy and she told this to my dad. Right after she broke up with the other dude and got married to my dad and I appeared. Morals behind the story? She could have kept that info to herself as there was no social media or anything else that could expose her, and brake up with the guy and never tell my dad. It was just perfect but she chose honesty.

Thanks, Mom and Dad for providing me a moral compass about hope and trust.

 

about her

I still have so many things to tell you but today we will take a break from the lessons. By the title, you would say that I will write in the coming rows about a girl but you are somehow wrong. Is there something in between the lines here? maybe yes, I don't know. I know that this post is for my soul. I have nothing to say about my love life, nothing to say about my professional life, I have something to say not about but for, my soul.

By the time I am going to hit again publish without reading twice how and what I've put here it will already be 01.06. This date it's the international day of kids and for me has an extra meaning.

For you to understand the context, I was mostly raised by women. My grand-grand mother and my aunt and in weekends my mom and dad. This day is about her, my grand-grand mother, she would have been 100 today but 17 years ago she passed away. We have a saying that mother is the one that raises you not the one that gives you birth.

She was my extraordinary person and I never got the chance to say THANK YOU. At first sight, you would have been tempted to say that she was a simple person from a village that moved to the big city, but she was nothing like that. With just 4 classes she moved to the big city to follow her passion and learn how to sew. And trust me when I am telling you that she was damn good at it.

She raised her brothers, 4 kids, 4 nephews, and 1 grand-nephew (me). That's a lot so by the time she started with me, you might say that she was an expert. I was her reason from the day I appeared, her husband had passed away not so long ago before I was born and therefore you might say that I was her life jacket at that point.

She was reading every morning, without missing a day, 3 newspapers and she was a self-thought person and yes she was damn smart. Smart in the way that she had the capacity to learn stuff and she was growing every day, not like the stupid people you have today looking at Antena 3 (i had to make this comparison just for you to understand). Before I even knew how to write she thought me mathematics by playing with me a game called "cabinet" and soon after she started sending me to the market in order to buy the groceries and all that. The best part was that I was getting a reward and so she thought me that in life you need to work nothing drops from the sky. Later on, in life, my aunt asked me to help her with the accounting and I was getting 50 bani for each document. I worked my ass off when everybody was out playing just to have my own money for the weekend.

Coming back to my grand grandmother, I never got the chance to thank her:

- for all the stories about the second world war that made me love history so much; 

- for encouraging me from the 1st grade on the 1st of march to buy trinkets for all the girls because it's a sign of respect and if you are looking at me from up there, I am still doing it even today

- for the 4th grade when I learned about Valentine's Day and I explained to her what it is and she thought me that we have Dragobete that it's the same. Still, she understood the new ways and when I told her that I want to write a personalized card for each girl in the class because they all deserve to feel special she encouraged me. Thanks to her I've learned that it doesn't take to much to make a person smile and we should all try to do it more.

- for the fact that she gave me money for my first date ( towards the end of the 4th grade) and she told me to kiss her hand when we meet and then even if she wants to pay for her juice for me to be a gentleman and stop her in the way and paying. I understood since then that a woman has to view the man as her equal and that the men has to be there to respect and take care of her.

I could continue for pages but I think that I can summarise it all by saying thank you for shaping the man I am today. 

Self-confidence was never my strong point when it comes to relations but when it comes to school and later on work, watch out, I have too much of it. She was the one that told me " Even if you are saying some stupid, keep your head up high, nobody was born knowing everything". Just imagine how this shaped me. :)

She was joking very often saying that she will die and every time I was getting mad and I was telling her that she will leave enough to see me get married have kids and that my kids will have a grand grand grandmother. She was smiling every time and maybe because that's why she was "torturing" me with this. 

I am still thinking of you so often and I am so sorry that I didn't get the chance to thank you for everything and to tell you in more words how much you meant to me. I hope that from somewhere you are looking at me sometimes and that you are proud of me. I am not there yet, I know, I had my fair share of stupid doings and I am sure that you would tell me some words but all and all I hope i didn't disappoint you.

I miss you so much, I love you.

01.06 forever in my life, tattooed on my skin and in my heart.

THANK YOU "MAMAIE"

3rd lesson: about happiness

I know I started my first lesson with "cry" and that's how it should be. Maybe because we are born crying or maybe just because we cry when we are extremely emotional, when we are excited beyond expectations or when we are sad. It's a constant in our lives and it shouldn't be overlooked but it should be taken deep inside just like a breath of fresh air in a cozy autumn evening.

What is happiness? at this moment for over 2000 years, people tried to understand it and explain it without any luck. It's different for each one of us, somewhere maybe it is just like the 5 languages of love as it is very connected to love, maybe. I think that it's the moment and what you need in that exact blink of an eye second. Let me explain a bit.

Walking down the street alone and listening to your music and just taking a look at the sky and a deep breath, just enough not to trip and fall. A second of calm that gives you energy for one day of storms.

Going to your loved one office just to say hello. Her/his smile will be everything and it will seem that everything that happened in your day was actually nothing.

Walking by a street musician and stoping for just 2 minutes from your race just to listen to him. Calm and positive you will get that head start in your race although you will be tempted to say that those 2 minutes can be used otherwise.

Holding your loved one hand and feeling their touch will make you feel protected but ready to face any danger.

Being at a concert in the middle of the crowd and just closing your eyes and taking inside the peace. Just imagine that you can actually have silence and feel the music int he middle of all that beautiful madness.

Waking up in the morning next to your loved one and by just looking at her/him realize that you are complete and that you don't need anything else.

Being polite/nice with a total stranger and how their face will light up it will actually make you feel good also.

Getting a massage in the morning from your loved one will make your heart race just thinking that you were the first thing in her/his mind. You being the sender will generate the same feeling on the other side and also it will make you feel good because you shared your feelings.

The list could continue for pages but what I am trying to say is that it is all about the moment. The most precious gift we could give somebody is time as it never comes back. It's the only thing that you can give and it can never be recovered. Funny how that is true, we can offer happiness and it costs us seconds. You might say it's cheap or it's expensive. If you offer it to yourself it's never too expensive. You will be tempted to say that when you give you seconds to another person it might be too expensive if it's not the right person or if they don't appreciate. First things first even the strongest person deserves kindness and maybe your second will be the thing that will change them so why not try. It will cost you 1 second to change the mindset of a person that in return will offer seconds to others and them to others and so on till back to you. How do you know that they don't appreciate if you don't do it or you did it and think that they didn't appreciate it because you didn't get the expected reaction? Trust me when I am saying that deep down they appreciate it but don't know how to express it to they don't realize at that moment how much it means and they will appreciate it later.

Happiness it's not a decision it's choice of giving. And maybe sometimes you will feel so heartbroken that you will not want to do it, but how will you get out of that if you don't give so that something returns. You will have your moments of sadness and confusion but you need to remember that it takes only 1 second to put a smile on somebody's face and somehow that will put a smile on yours. So I say to you that from those 24 hours 1 second can change the next 24 hours.

It's not about being strong, it's not about suffocating your emotions; it's about being vulnerable and open. Allow yourself to be surprised every step of the way, bad or good it's still a surprise. Now think for a second about this. Put your heart in the right place. 

Maybe sometimes you will be scared to give any second to a person because you will think that you will be too pushy and they will run or maybe they will turn your second down. Take a deep breath and face your fear. You might be right and it's their problem not yours because giving seconds makes you happy just by giving them if you give them honestly or you might be wrong and your second will make her/him wanna give you a second back also. Just imagine happiness at that moment.

So you see, the "what if" keeps us from giving seconds and when you keep your seconds just to yourself they lose their value. And your heart it's the best banker ever it encourages you to give those seconds while your brain will sometime trick you just like a thief stealing your happiness.

Happiness is a feeling not a state of mind.

Give and you will receive seconds.

2nd lesson: be you with you

I will not say be ok with you as my honest desire for you is to have moments when you will not be. Often we say that the experiences in our life are the ones that are changing us, a job failure, a broken heart, a deceiving friend, and so on. F*** NO, all these things and many more can happen to us but if we don't learn anything from them it will be like they never happened. So be you with you even if sometimes you are not ok because only like this you will change, you will grow.

I am coming now to an end to the first week without social media since social media appeared. I will not say that is bad and all that other crap. It's bad how we let it affect us, it's bad how we allow it to change our personalities, our principles, and our ways of thinking. It's bad that most people want to paint/post a perfect life but they don't want to show who they are and worse than this is how people are not realizing this and are starting to fantasize about fakes. Fairy tales are inspired by reality and they show only the beauty from those thru stories. Why because we need the perfect picture and to look at it as an objective and to strive for it every day. Here is the thin line reality sucks sometimes but we must try every day to achieve that fairytale, we will never make it but at least we will try to have a beautiful life. The problem today is that we have too many fairytales and we get scared of reality. What do we do when we get scared instead of learning and doing better, we hide and we get frustrated that our life is not so perfect like we see in this big flood of perfectly painted stories. I want a fairy tale and I promise myself that I will get there and yes I am a dreamer. Coming back to my social media break, usually, I am very active and post a lot so I wanted to see if what I've considered ok to post 1 week ago I still want to post it today. You may call it a self-education of my impulses. 

The first impulse, 

what to do with the time that was used for browsing social media? Read. 

What to do with all the cool quotes, pictures, places, experiences, and so on that you want to share? Keep them there and see if you want to post them later on. 

How will you know what are your friends doing? Call/text them. 

How will you know what is your crush doing? get some courage and contact him/her

How will you know what is your ex up to? if you really want to know you will reach out and that means that you still care so you will figure something out. If not, then you really don't care.

How will you know what is happening in the world? Read some news.

And I really don't know what else are you using social media for, but really now, there are solutions to anything you want to do.

Personal results: discovered some shit about me and I really got the time to think about them as I should have, maybe a long time ago. But then again it's never too late or the right moment. It seems that now it was. I did some reading. I had more walks. All and all it's interesting.

Coming back to lesson nr 2...

Just for you to understand the above deviation regarding my social media break. People around me are making fun of me that I am posting to many quotes, well I found them interesting and I want to share them, who doesn't like it, unfollow, that easy. I heard it a few times that thru what I am posting people know when I am upset, stupid me forgot that I need to paint a perfect life. It's simple to unfollow, unfriend, i couldn't care less, it's not my objective to become an influencer and please everybody.

You are not here to be perfect, you are here to be a new best version of yourself every day, for the people you love.

You will make friends and you will lose friends, don't fall in the "we know each other since we were kids" trap. Just like romantic relationships you need to find the best ones for your soul, the ones for which you want to be a better person. Friends should help you evolve not keep you in the same place. Friends should tell you when you are stupid and to be there when you fall. It's an exchange. If you accept this process you will be able to make huge changes in your life, you will meet fantastic people and you will be another person with their support. Trust me when I am telling you that you will find the ones for your soul. As for the old ones they will be a part of your life forever but not in the same manner.

Relationships as in romantic ones, oooooo, they will be beautiful. 

You will meet a lot of girls/boys and I am sure that the most important advice I can give you is to never mess with somebody's feelings.

With some of them, you will only exchange contact info and nothing more. With others, you will go for a coffee and stop there. With some of them, you will have meaningless sex. NOTE: always were protection, that shit kills. With some of them and just a few, you will think that you can build something but you will figure it out pretty fast and it's better to say stop. Never be selfish and stay somewhere because you are bored or scared to be lonely. Try to figure it out fast so that you don't hurt anybody, TRY. 

With some you will fall in love, yes they will be more. Yes, the one exists and you will feel it. Maybe you will get absorbed and you will continue a relationship because you love her/him but life has a funny way to bring it to an end sooner or later in order to make some room for the one. Ugly note that nobody says in fairytales: you will realize this in some time not from the beginning, you will realize this after a few fights and it will burn like hell. Shitty note: you might be so stupid that you will lose her/him. You will suffer and you will abuse lesson 1, for a while you will feed your soul with the hope that what's meant to be it will be and eventually I think you will move on. 

Funny little story: When I was a kid I worked as a guide in Turkey. And in my second year there a couple came and in their booking, it was written honeymoon. You can imagine that I already planned some cool stuff for them before their arrival. To my surprise, when I picked them up from the airport, they were pretty old (around 60). Struck by curiosity I booked an evening for me to spend it with them and to learn about their story. They were highschool lovers for a while but somehow it didn't work. Each one followed his steps, had a family, everything the full fairytale you might say, but independent. One day they met each other again at the market. Have in mind that since their romance they never talked again. After they met each other again after so many years they lost their second day in the park and decided that it's their time. They divorced and got married to each other. 

So we might say that what's meant to be it will be although some efforts must be made, some hearts maybe will get broken, but never say never.

In each of your experiences, you will suffer, you will feel deceived and trust me when I am telling you that there is no shame in using lesson 1 and being vulnerable. Maybe some will laugh, others will laugh with their friends, others will think that you are crazy but you know what you will be you and you go to sleep with a full heart knowing that you showed your true colors. Maybe one will cheat you with a friend of yours, you will feel so bad and think that you are loosing 2 persons but actually, you will earn yourself a lot. You will understand this after a lot of tears. Maybe one will just cheat. Maybe another will lie. And the list can continue but you must listen to your heart even if it hurts even if people laugh. Your heart knows somehow when to stop.

The important thing here is to change. Don't think that you are perfect. Don't think that you are a good person and they are stupid because they lost you. Don't bury your head in the sand and complain that bad things happen to you. Try and understand why, analyze yourself, and see where did you make your share of mistakes. In a relationship, there are always 2 people and each one makes something that makes the other do something else and so on. If you don't find the middle it will end but not because of you or the other but because of you both. You each have your share of responsibility. Sometimes you will be lucky enough to realize where did you go wrong and fix it, other times it will be too late and it sucks. Because you could have done better and had an amazing time together or you might have kept the one next to you. again the shitty parts are that you can realize a big part of these things only after a while, most of the time.

What I am trying to say is that is very important to be opened, be you. The catch is that if you will be opened you with you and towards the others you will either have a shorter period with them but more beautiful or you will keep them forever. When I am saying this I am talking about friendships and relationships alike. 

Tip: you will realize and change a lot of stuff about you when the right people are around while when the wrong people are around you will not learn anything and you will end up later on hurting the ones that are right. I know it sounds shitty but somehow this how it goes and I hope that you will be smarter and pay more attention so that you at least try and break the loop. 

LEARN=CHANGE always, people change and you will change but you need to be you with you. Be you with you, real, honest, open, learn, change, be better. Never be scared to be vulnerable because the most important things are discovered when we are down not at the imaginary top.

Like Freddie Mercury said "Where Your Heart Like A Crown"