soul food

Realized a couple of days ago just before my birthday that I wrote more about things, situations, and behaviors that are somehow worrying and might come as sad. Every time I am keeping the hope alive but still. And this is from what I remember as this happens when you never read what you write. You might have misspellings or you might offend or come by as too honest. I still believe that the truth offends but is necessary and all my life this is what I asked from people although like the saying goes: you cannot ask expensive things from cheap people. Oh damn, here I go again. Sometimes I think that this works as a form of therapy and you need an outlet when you are constantly trying to protect other's feelings instead of giving them the hard truth, and working on it. Other times I really don't care I write down the things I see, the things I hear, the things I live and I am just expressing my opinions. But there are people who read what I write down and even write back to me, some identify themselves and are happy that finally, somebody said it, while others feel offended, and if you identify and feel offended then it means you're doing that shitty thing, and so on. 

Double damn, I started with the idea to write about beautiful things that happened around me or I heard or I lived and to feed that hope that keeps us going. So I need to get back to it although I have on the bad side a lot, but maybe next time.

Short stories that I call food for the soul or hope enhancers. Of course with my conclusion after each as everybody is crazy these days about lessons that life gives them, old scholars who don't take responsibility for their actions.

I started writing with the intention of writing about the last few weeks of my life and the situations I experienced plus the not-so for my soul birthday. Realized I would be harsh again and after seeing a marriage proposal (one of the short stories to follow) I decided to write short stories for the soul. Although some of them might not have an end, this is because I don't know it or the end is not so happy so I will not share it as life is full of surprises and they might just turn out to be happy after all.

The first story that came to my mind dates back almost 18 years. At that time I was working as a tourist guide in Turkey-Marmaris. One day, as usual, I picked up a bus full of people from the airport but among the 50 people, I spotted a couple over 60 years old. what caught my attention was the way they were holding their hands, how softly they were talking to each other, and the way they were looking at each other. He was so calm and thoughtful with her, the real definition of a gentleman not what people think it is today. She was the true definition of a lady from the way she was walking to every small gesture. I was talking on the mic about Turkey, about the city of Marmaris but somehow I couldn't get my eyes off them and I couldn't wait to drop off everybody at their hotels in order to start my tour and to reach their hotel. I arranged it so that I left them the last ones to visit and talk about the excursions and around 9 PM I reached them. We talked over a bottle of wine till late in the night. They were on their honeymoon, and I thought it was something like an anniversary and they were joking but then they started telling me their story. They met right after high school and they were together for a month and something they both fell in love, unfortunately, her family and her friends were raining on her parade as he was working in a factory while she was in university so therefore he was not suitable financially. She listened to everybody around her but not to her soul and decided to break up and they never saw each other again. They both carried on with their life, got married, had kids and now they were already grandparents and everything settled and ok in their life. 40 years later they met accidentally in the market while they were doing groceries, I was shocked to think that it was possible to recognize somebody after 40 years but they were living proof. They talked for more than an hour, they exchanged their phone numbers and they parted ways, each one heading back home to their families. 2 days later he texted her asking if they could meet again, in the market, without thinking twice she accepted and after this, let's call it a date, they both decided that they acted against their own hearts all their life and that now is the moment to fix this and get together. Each of them went home talked with their partners and kids, and told them they wanted to divorce as fast as possible. Here they told me the full story and all the comments they received from their partners and from their kids and the lack of support. It stuck with me her comment towards her daughter and her son and it was something like this if I recall it well: " I had a wonderful life with your father and he gave me the most beautiful presents somebody could receive but i never listened to my heart". 31 days later they were getting married ( when you divorce you need to wait 30 days) and this was their honeymoon.

Love always wins in the end, too bad that it wins in the end and we live our lives thinking we have forever and making decisions on any other criteria than the voice of our heart. Although I have a handicapped heart I still believe that the heart is the strongest part of us and what makes us beautiful.

Last weekend I went to the mountains as I needed some fresh air and to relax. Truth be told I was like, I deserve a present from me to me. Although I was recently told that I value too much my own birthday. On Friday evening I drove to belvedere point and i was simply amazed by the colors of the sky and starstruck by the amount of stars that were in the sky. I tried spotting at least one falling star to make a wish but no luck in finding luck 🤣. The next morning I found out that all those colors in the sky were actually the aurora that due to a cosmic event was visible from Romania. During the day I took the cable car to the top of the mountain where to my surprise there was a gentleman singing at the cello. Just close your eyes and imagine that you are on top of a mountain and somebody is singing at a cello. The cherry on top of the cake when he started singing Frank Sinatra's My Way, AMAZING. I decided to stay a while when right in front of my eyes love unraveled. A boy, with the help of his friends, proposed to his girlfriend. The most wonderful gesture between 2 souls can be done in a simple way also and guess what? It's even more wonderful. At least if you value the meaning not the rock or the place but the person you have in front of you.

Beauty can be found everywhere when you least expect it. Music, the right music will always set your soul on fire. Love is simple, love is beautiful, and there is no place for a price tag on love.

The parallel magic or how God decides to make 2 souls see each other. They say that you cannot find good people in a club but the 2 persons in the story somehow did it. She went to the club without any plans besides dancing and having a drink. He went to the club without any plans besides dancing and having a drink. But their sights crossed, and crossed again and again. She noticed him and he noticed her but none of them made any moves not even a smile or a wink 😉. Fortune favors the brave but since none of them was looking none of them was brave. Their luck was her friend who approached him and pushed him to talk with her. So he did, they exchanged a few words and the only coherent thing he was able to say was to ask for her contact. Then 🪄 ✨ 🪄 ✨ 🪄 magic happened, they hugged and time stopped, all the people around them disappeared, and the music turned silent like everything worked for that one endless hug. That was it they said goodbye without any thought that they would see each other again. The next day he reached out, they dated and their first date went by like time didn't exist and it ended with a hug like both of them wanted to double-check the magic. Their relationship started and in no time she was telling him my love and just as fast in one evening he whispered to her that he had fallen in love. In just 2 weeks they've found peace in each other and they were promising each other that together they will do everything possible and above all and simply they will be HAPPY.

Their story shows that there is hope and that magic can happen at the most unexpected moments in the most unexpected places. I really think that the secret lies in having the courage to have your heart opened and really look in somebody's eyes. LOVE still happens.

I try as much as possible each evening to go to the park and make some steps and I've been doing this for already more than a year in the park close to home. A couple of days to my surprise there was a girl in an alley with a mic and a speaker and she was singing. I stopped and rested for 15 minutes to the tunes of her voice.

Life gives you beautiful moments of peace, and calm it's just up to you to notice the small things, take a break, and enjoy them. Your soul will be grateful.

And the last one, I have many more but somehow I feel that this one should close the post. This evening I wanted to eat an ice cream so I jumped in the car drove there, took some steps, and bought a delicious ice cream. Enjoyed it :) and afterward, I stopped at a coffee shop to smoke a cigar (a rare guilty pleasure).  As I was enjoying my coffee, and my cigar and was writing this post something beautiful happened. At the table next to me, somehow behind my back, a couple came, I would say they were around 30, and by their faces, they weren't in the happiest moment of their life. Without intention ( ok, I admit, with intention) I listened to their conversation. They were both sad and what caught my attention and I want to write about was the following conversation:

Her: you know, I am going through a period and I think we should stop our relationship

Him: did I do something? what happened? Can I help you somehow

Her: no no, you're the sweetest guy and I really like you but...

Him: but what then? if there is something I can help with please let me help you

Her: no no you can't it's just about me and I don't want to talk about it

Him: I don't understand what happened and you know that I love you and it's hard for me to just sit on the side and let you struggle

Her: that's why we should stop because I don't want to hurt you, it's my problem

Him: it's hard for me but I will try to respect your choice. i think you are making a mistake as you should allow me to be there for you but this is what you need I will do my best to respect it.

Her: Yes

Him: please let me finish

- his voice was shaking and her voice was the voice of a person who tries to stop the tears from falling-

Him: I will be just one phone call away at any point, I cannot look at this as a break-up as it is clear that you are going through something and the point of this is to be by your side when it's hard not when it's easy. So I'll wait for you till you figure things out or you need just my presence.

Her: thank you

She kissed his forehead and she left, he paid the check and he also left the other way and I got a glimpse of the tears that started to fall on his cheeks. I wanted to tell him something but what could I have told him in order to make him feel better?

You can look at this as a sad story but I see the beauty in it. You may ask what beauty? if hearts are broken. Love is violent, it feels so good and it hurts so bad, and that is the beauty of it because you cannot have the most exalting sensations without the other side. And I could ramble around this idea for pages but that's not the point. The point is that LOVE is a choice, a choice to stick by a person through good and bad, and this guy tried to do just this with the softest voice possible ever. I really hope she will call him as they seem to have a really deep connection.

Believe in beauty and you will see beauty or at least this is my way just like Frank said. A few years ago in therapy, the therapist said in the closing session: Nic, do you know what's your biggest problem? You feel too much in a world that doesn't want to feel and this consumes you. I would tell you to try and control yourself but I am aware that this would mean that you will no longer be you. Or like a very good friend of mine said "You are emotionally handicapped literally and figuratively " :))). 

And I am proud of it ;)