hope - trust

Hope is a very sensitive thing and I think we have it every day in every small thing that we are doing. We are either aware or not that in the deep back of our brain we generate hope in every situation for a result that would please us.

You got to the market hoping, unaware, that you will find what are you searching for otherwise you wouldn't go.

You start talking with somebody in a club or social media hoping, unaware, that she/he is an ok person, and something more can happen between the two of you.

You learn in school hoping, unaware, that you will get a high grade.

And so on, we could continue on and on, with examples in which we generate a hope without even being aware or wanting to do so.

I think the tricky situations are those ones in which the hope comes uncontrolled and we are aware of it. Maybe tricky is not the correct word as we can call it messy, fucked, disturbing, heartbreaking, and so on. This sucks because even if we are totally aware of it, this is no small thing and we cannot control it.

All these false hopes are so tangled in our mind and they all come to a basic thing, trust.

What I am trying to say is that hope is the one that makes us suffer the most but still this is the beauty of life I dare say. If you start controlling your hopes therefore who and how you trust you will start judging people based on false information and maybe you will keep away some extraordinary people or you will end up hurting them.

Let me tell you a short tangled story composed of more individual stories in which I hope that none of my acquaintances will find themselves as I assure them that it's a mix of so many people stories that I know.

There was a boy that consumed his teenage years being in a relationship where he wasn't supposed to be anymore. They continued for so many years stepping into adulthood just because in their minds they were a power couple and they were getting along so great when they were together. But what was happening when they were not together? he was searching for something else and he was finding the one night things pretty often while she was trying to know more people. At a certain point, they realized that they have to stop and by "magic" the next week she was already with somebody else and he was doing exactly the same. They spent so many years feeding the hope that was in their mind and in my opinion this is a false hope.

There was a girl that loved a guy so much, she was seeing her future next to him, building a family and everything. For him it was casual and he had self-trust issues so he was deceiving her expectations every day as he was so sure that he cannot find better. She got pregnant and shy, with her head in the ground told him hoping that he will be happy; his answer was: You need to get an abortion. He didn't even go with her. What an asshole. With all this, she was still believing that they will do it together. They broke up and you could guess who was the one to immediately find somebody else, get married and have a kid. You are right the asshole. Later on, the girl managed to follow the same path with somebody else. But, just put yourself in her place and all her hopes so many times when the dude could have been honest with her.

There was a boy that believed in love and soon after his teenage years he fell in love with an easy girl. That type of love that consumes you. You can imagine that it didn't last too long and this is a good thing but how this impacted his beliefs, who to trust, and where to put his hopes to work. All this got radically changed for him just because somebody wanted to play.

There was a girl that her greatest desire was to love, be loved, and have a family. Continuously she hoped with every new person that was coming in her life that he will be the one. Her hope and dream never allowed her to take a better look at whom she was trusting her soul every time. All admiration as she continued to hope for this but i am so afraid for her that she will end up again in disappointment.

There was a boy that trusted and after each disappointment, he was promising himself that he will not do it again but to his luck, he was shortly realizing each time that he doesn't have to mistrust other people just because the ones from his past deceived him. Teenage love cheated him with his friend. He forgave them both and not so late she tried again with her just to end up at the same point, she cheated with as strange this time. Young love got interesting for him as she cheated him like 3 times till he decided to stop.  And it's not even about the fact that he got double-crossed, it's about the fact that he trusted those people and they preferred to lie to him. So he tried to change the pattern and asked only honesty in return, told his story, and asked to be taken care of only with this thing, requesting a simple thing; if it were to happen for any of them to tell the other and decide from that point. Guess what ? he got lied and cheated. The bottom line is that with all this he continued to trust and asked in return honesty not lies for the sake to not brake his soul as he knew he was strong enough to take it.  I hope he will find her if he didn't already.

There was a girl that chose to trust and to hope maybe too soon at something more just to discover that he was not there and instead of telling her straight forward he decided to try and cheat.

I have so many stories of this kind gathered thru the years and they all have this one thing that generates the other hope-trust. Looking around me I see that social media plays its role in these situations more and more. People lose trust when they shouldn't because somebody else in the past did to them like this. We have our lives displayed there and it's only normal when we love that we want to share it but what happens when it ends? Some people delete everything and they cut all ties. Others save the pictures on an external drive as it was a part of their life and it's somehow normal to still have those pictures. Others let the pictures in plain sight and they claim that it's part of their past and they will not remove it (i was this stupid) without realizing that the new person in their life will be hurt by this. Others just hide the pictures on their profile or restrict them from their current relationship.

It's all a lie and we are all cowards, we hide with excuses for ourselves for the others, for the person next to us, But how can we expect to build something beautiful when we start with a lie? I really think we should all start with trust as hope is there in both cases.

Hope keeps us going and trust is the image of our hope. Honesty hurts but from that pain the most beautiful stories start.

Just to close, I am going to give you something to think about. When my mom met my dad she was dating another guy and she told this to my dad. Right after she broke up with the other dude and got married to my dad and I appeared. Morals behind the story? She could have kept that info to herself as there was no social media or anything else that could expose her, and brake up with the guy and never tell my dad. It was just perfect but she chose honesty.

Thanks, Mom and Dad for providing me a moral compass about hope and trust.