dating

Dating or better said, trying to find someone.

For the past month, I have tried to write this post. Write, delete, write, keep it in draft, delete, write, and so on only because I was unsure if it would be ok to write about this. But then again I was never known for not expressing my point of view regardless of how extreme it was. Of course, I will stay true to myself and this is a general perspective without any finger-pointing.

Let's lay down the context. It's December and it seems the best moment to make a retrospective of 2023 or as I am looking at it now, the year In which I tried to find somebody, and trust me the struggle was real. The year started with a break-up 💔, been there and done that a few times in my life, and trust me nobody is dying from it. As spring came, flowers started to bloom so did I restart my dating journey. Step 1 installed the famous dating apps Tinder and Bumble. Step 2 started to go out and rediscover my forever love for art/culture/events and went from concerts to theater to movies to art exhibitions and so on. This time I was keen on never ever losing this side of mine. And this totaled to a stunning huge number of dates, on average 10 a month, maybe seems a small number but hey I have mirrors at home 😬. Before you jump to conclusions and judge continue reading.

Back to dating or try dating as I will go through every stage.

This stage is called THE DATING APPS and everything that follows.

The swiping effect. When you reach a certain age and hopefully the maturity that comes with it you start looking at other things than the pictures, like the bio, height, hobbies, and what they are looking for. Pictures, oh well you have the ones without any pictures of themselves like Tinder or Bumble it's Louvre and they put on display all the art that they can do with their phones, that's it when NFTs proved to be a total scam. Some of them have a bio in which they always say that they are private and that you should first create the connection without seeing the face. Damn, I didn't get the memo that we traveled back in time to the Mirc era and I don't think they got the memo that 90% of the communication is non-verbal, not to say that the chances for only written drops faster than a plane without engines. The funny is that they swipe based on pictures but you should imagine that the person who took the picture of that mountain/sunrise/sunset/ etc looks to your liking. For curiosity I have tried to be a fine art critic and swiped right but further it seemed I was too curious when after some words I proposed to exchange Instagrams and the reply was that I would better ask her out on a date if I am mature enough, huh 🥴🤪🥴🤪 yeah blind dates are so cool, NOT. Let's move on to those who have pictures, hopefully of themselves. And no bio but the expectation is that you will have an awesome opening line without knowing anything about her except those 2 pictures. I am not going to say anything about the ones who don't mention the height like me at 1.86 I want to go out on a date with her at 1.5 and for me to bend over like the grains in the wind when we talk or if it all goes well to start searching for some stairs or something for her to climb so that we can kiss. If you say this as a man you are a pig but all women look at the man's height 😉. And we started to have some very very original bios thanks to our lord ChatGPT, if you are not able to say something about yourself I highly doubt that we will be able to have a conversation. And moving on, without any grace, to that interesting section in which you should say what are you looking for but it seems that everybody is scared to clearly state what they want:

- long-term partner on Tinder and relationship on Bumble or even more serious Marriage - clear like your mum's windows on Christmas Eve. Almost nobody is using it and some friends told me that although this is what they want they don't state it because men don't want this, huh 🤪🥴🤪, dear, if he doesn't want this he will not and period it's not like he wants to change women like socks and you will be the one to change him 😂😂😂

- long-term open to short - halfway there or in translation I would want a relationship but if you're an ashole and we just have sex I am ok with it, no hard feelings. Ladies trust me when i am telling you that this sounds like a lie to me because I like it. A small part of the women uses this one.

- short-term open to long - starting to make sense, I want sex and if it's good it would be nice to see if we can build together. A smaller part of the women uses this one.

- short-term fun on Tinder and something casual on Bumble - congratulations 🎉👏🎉, you know what you want and you are not scared to say it. Even a smaller part of the women use this one.

- new friends - ok, I respect that but I don't understand why do you expect me to ask you out or for me to pay? I don't kiss my friends and when we go out we pay Dutch. And why does it bother you if I talk about other women this is something I talk about with my friends. Confusing. A significant part of the women uses this.

- still figuring out, on Tinder and don't know yet on Bumble- the sad non-wish that the majority uses. Really at 30+, you don't know what you want? At least you know how to tighten your shoes? What do you know? Aaaaa depends on the men? Then why should I know what I want or like in my case, I know what I want, why should I go out with you if you don't know what you want? Or it's an open invitation to I am down to anything but I am too ashamed to admit it? It's like pulling down at the gas station and when the boy there asks you for diesel or Benzin? You answer still figuring out.

The chatting effect. Let's assume you successfully swiped your way and you start chatting. Here it gets a bit confusing if you ask for details like whether are you single or height you are superficial. If you exchange a few lines and it goes well and you propose to exchange phone numbers and hear each other you are a pervert and god knows what you might do, block function is hard to use. If you dare to ask for Instagram so that you see more than one picture then you are invading her personal space if it doesn't go well it's impossible to hit the remove follower button. And if you jump too fast to let's date you are too pushy or if you don't ask her out soon enough then you are not serious but more in the next section.

This stage is called FIRST DATES

If you are in an active dating process it gets a bit hard to date everybody for a coffee or dinner, you do the math and how much you should earn a month to afford this. If you are a man it's self-explained that you will pay. Side note here that it's a form of respect if you as a woman show your intention to pay and he as a man politely refuses ;) Just think that like this you have a vetting process for both of you in which the man shows that he is a gentleman and the woman shows that she doesn't take him for granted. In the process of active dating, both sexes go on average at the same number of first dates per month as the men do. On a first date, you get to actually know each other, remember the percentage of a conversation that is non-verbal? exactly. If you click you go on a second date and there you have the start of something. If you super click then at the end of the date you kiss and you really get things going. Simple and short this chapter as it's actually the most straightforward stage. I will continue with what's going on after another stage.

This stage is called OUT

Yes, I called it out when in fact I should call it CLUB. People always say that you should look in other places or the right places for the right person but let me tell you my 2 cents on this. Grocery shopping? really now who gets all dressed up when they go to the market and how does it sound when you are at the tampons section when a man comes and says "So it's that time of the month?" Or you are at the meat section and he comes up and says "Grilled or you mix it with something?" Or you are the precooked section and he comes up and says " So are you just lazy or don't know how to cook?" Or you are at the sweets section and he comes up and says "A sweet moment in the mouth an eternity on the hips?" Or you are at the vegetable and fruits section and he comes up and says "This peach looks done, I bet it's juicy also?" Yep, I overreacted on the pick-up lines just to prove a point that the chances are slimmer than a toothpick. Theater or movies? i actually went to a few of these alone and trust me no woman comes alone. On the rest of the occasions, you are with your friends and she is with her friends also I would like to remind you that it's not nice to talk in the middle of a movie or theater play :) Ok, you see her and she catches your attention, and then on that semi-dark corridor on the exit you follow her and her friends, not psycho at all, and you stop her and ask "So what do you think about the play/movie?" really? who does that? If somebody did it please excuse me but I don't have the amount of madness/courage/creativity to do this. So we end up in a CLUB, a coffee shop, or a restaurant it's not even nice to interrupt somebody when they are talking with their friends or eating and say to them "Hey, you are cute i would like to know you better". Aaaaaa you have the at-work option also for those who work with customers or in a corporation otherwise bad luck. CLUB it is and this moves us to a separate stage filled with personal experiences :)

This stage is called ALCOHOL

Alcohol because it's the magic that relaxes everybody and too much some of the people. I must mention here that I totally condemn rude approaches as I saw a lot of them from men to women, they start kissing afterward but hey I don't judge. Let's get back to my experiences this year. While sitting at the bar I got licked on the neck and asked if I wanna f***, when I replied that no because I was not looking just for fun I got called gay and impotent, go figure. Met somebody we clicked, we danced, we kissed, and then boom she asked if I wanna go back to her place to f*** as you can imagine I refused because I was not looking just for fun, she received it well by going to another guy at the bar pinched his ass and kissed him. Another one had the same flow but she tried the next evening again and when I refused again she stayed around for about 5 minutes just to search in what's app the middle finger emoticon to send to me and then to show it.  The conclusion is that this is not a good place either if you are a guy like me looking to meet somebody and build a relationship. I will include the hangover stage here as if you are by the sea in the summertime this short stage appears. Morning, when your head is double the size people forget that they came with somebody and they just chat with you and you risk or people forget that they saw somebody together with someone and they just approach them and again risk. People get upset and if you do this you are kind of a jerk and also the other person it's not so nice either.

I will continue in the next stage with some happenings that might as well fit in any of the above stages.

This stage is called CHAKRAS ALIGNED

I think this is the most suitable name for this stage as it sparked a lot of amusement within my friends' group. Why is this a stage? Because more and more people are going to therapy and after a few sessions they think they hold the supreme secret to life, newsflash should be an ongoing process of working with yourself first of all and if needed going to therapy also. Then you have the ones that go to retreats locally or abroad and as 90% of these are total scams you can imagine the results. Sidenote on the masculinity retreats, damn boy (i cannot call you a man) so you tell me that you need to walk on burning coals to become a man, how about stop taking money from your parents?  So you tell me that you need to run in your underwear in the woods to become a man, how about stopping living with your parents? So you tell me that you need another man to tell you how to treat a woman, how about being respectful first of all? and so on. Dude use that money to buy and read some books, go to some therapy. How about stopping cheating and thinking that your role on this planet is to reproduce and hence you can do it every time you want a woman needs 9 months you will do it because you are fulfilling your cosmic purpose. what the biggest F*** possible. A man isn't defined by his body count, his car, or the size of his account and what he owns but by his manners, character, and loyalty. If a woman is judging you based on this then trust me that you cannot build anything with her. A couple that stands the trial of time is a couple that has values, principles, and common objectives, a team. Sex is everywhere. chemistry is rare. Ok got serious let's get back to the funny stories.

Story 1, matched on a dating app talked, clicked, and decided to move the conversation on the telephone. The second sentence already told me that I have an amazing aura and that I have an extraordinary energy that surrounds me, she continued by explaining that she knows how these things work because, for the past 3 years, she has gone yearly for a 1 one week retreat in Bali and then for a 1-week private session retreat with a Buddhist monk. In my mind I was curious already but scared as hell. We continued to talk after this and reached a point about relationships what we want from life and how a relationship should work. Here I shared about my divorce and some previous experiences and she did the same mentioning that all quality men can be found in the high-class locations and that the rest are poor bastards who don't have any inner value. Gush, the arrogance, but she was amazed that every time she got cheated and I naively replied that maybe you had the wrong evaluation criteria, moment where she snapped telling me that she knew from the Buddhist monk how to choose the proper partner and have an amazing relationship. It seems the dude didn't know too much as she was single like the scarecrow in the middle of a cornfield. And again naively I asked how can a monk who made a celibate vow give relationship advice as this is something strange to him. Bigger snap and 30 minutes later from the start of our conversation she told me that i have an awful aura and that it's a pitty of my energy as i have a low vibration. Made me think.

Story 2, met in the club by the sea, clicked, kissed, met the second night, kissed more started something. The next weekend we met and we spent the weekend together and she told me that actually she just come back from a 2-week retreat in Bali and that she knew how to channel her energies and and that she had become an expert in tantra and so on. Naive as always when it comes to this area we continued to date. Palosanto burned to fix the energy and a lot of nervous breakdowns from her side when I was saying calmly what bothered me or toxic jealousy directed at me while she was spending a lot of time with her ex and I was just saying that doesn't seem ok, but I assumed that this is how palosanto works, it takes the devil out. Thank the all mighty it ended with a long discussion in which she lighted a joint stating that this is normal and that since she discovered weed and meditation she discovered the motivation in life.

Story 3, at the seaside, hangover morning stage reference, I was alone enjoying breakfast and the morning coffee when a girl pulled a chair and took a sit at my table. Stunned I said oh well seaside vibe everybody is relaxed so I introduced myself trying to understand what was going on. We had a short polite general chat after which she told me that her friend really likes me, felt like John Travolta in that meme where he looks around and nobody, that was me. I asked her where is her friend and very relaxed she said that she was on her way there, continued asking if they had seen me the night before in the club or anything like that and she replied no so I asked how does she know that her friend likes me and she replied that she knows. By now you are probably asking yourself if I was crazy for staying or if she was crazy, all I know is that I was already curious to see where this goes :) collecting funny stories to tell when I am old. The friend arrived, she was very nice-looking, introduced myself and we started talking general simple stuff when after a couple of minutes out of a sudden she told me to hand her my hand. Done deal :), and she started telling me that she has her personal priest with whom she talks weekly and that he told her that that month she will meet the man for her and that I have an extraordinary aura ( this is starting to repeat I know) and also that my name is the same like her father so this is a sign and that a year before she was in a retreat where she learned how to feel and evaluate somebody's energy by holding their hand. As I heard this one before I was like OK OK this makes sense you need to touch to critically evaluate and this is where the other girl in the past got it wrong. She started saying that my energy was awesome and so attractive ( this was not the candid camera) and that we should go to the nudist area and wait for the sunset and then we would go to the room where we would make love like never before in our life. It was time for me to pull the plug on this and run but something inside me told me that I should tell her something, as the entire time I didn't say even a word, before running scared so I slowly pulled my hand back (i need it for driving, eating and situation was dangerous) and started talking. I felt it was nice from my side to tell her that she should be a bit reserved in saying stuff like this and that first, she should allow the person in front of her to talk a bit like this she will find out how he is and so on. I also told her that a lot of men would take advantage of a situation like that just shut up have sex and mind their day and it would be a pity for her to be taken advantage of her beliefs and ideas. My intuition was right she jumped standing and told me that it was a pitty of my energy which is awesome but I have a low vibration (again damn vibration). I deemed it proper to make a small joke and said that the moment I get home I'll buy a diapason, she got really mad and screamed that what the BIP is that. After I tried to explain she told me about her job and that she earns a lot of money and she is not stupid, i remained shocked at how she jumped there but I was grateful to the Big Bearded Guy up in the sky as she left and I was safe.

The stories might sound funny but actually, they are sad as they represent a bigger and bigger portion of our society in which people run from looking deep inside and making meaningful changes and they prefer to run towards all sorts of activities and fake spiritual leaders. I don't laugh about spirituality as I respect it and take it very seriously but people should understand that they should work with themselves and that social empathy and manners make them better human beings in society and not being selfish or choosing loneliness while judging all the people of being stupid because you are "enlighted". 

It's already late in the night and I feel I have covered all the aspects of 2023 in dating so I will close now with the note that I prefer to look at this year: filled with stories that I have to tell when I am old.